Having been engaged in emotional counseling and guidance for so many years, marital problems are increasing every year. The rising divorce rate under big data is enough to illustrate this point, and infidelity within marriage has undoubtedly become the biggest cause of divorce. fuse.
As in the past, there were only cases of male cheating. In recent years, marital cheating is no longer the exclusive domain of men. The number of female cheating cases has shown an upward trend.
When many male students who have experienced this kind of experience come to consult, they will basically mention that they never thought that their wives would cheat, and after being exposed, they were still so confident and confident. , and wanted a divorce without hesitation.
For a man, there is probably no greater humiliation than having his wife cheat on him, so often after discovering it, anger will dominate all his emotions, as if he could do anything at that moment, but After the anger, endless anxiety and pain follow.
01 Should men save a cheating marriage?
There was a student. When he found me, he told me: "Teacher, I am almost on the verge of collapse now. I lose control of my emotions as long as I see green. As long as she is not in front of me, , all kinds of pictures would appear in my mind, and she was still arguing with me all day long about getting a divorce."
So I asked him: "Since you are in so much pain, why don't you choose to divorce. , to end this pain!”
But he cried and said to me: “Because I still love her, and I don’t want to lose her, let alone break up this family!”
Perhaps in the eyes of many men, cheating on their wife is an unforgivable crime. A manly husband should divorce decisively like a man, otherwise where should he put his face and dignity as a man.
But on the surface, the divorce is a matter between two people, but in fact it affects two families behind the scenes.
And since the problem has already occurred, impulsiveness will only cause greater harm. You might as well calm down and think rationally about the following:
Are you emotionally neglectful of your family and wife< /p>
Is your wife's cheating serious or just to vent her dissatisfaction with you?
The bearing capacity of both parents, after all, people in that era took divorce very seriously.
Single-parent families are bound to have an impact on children’s growth.
For you, is the divorce just for the sake of face, or because you really have no feelings?
If you remarry, are you sure the same problem will not happen?
Besides, is choosing to redeem yourself cowardly and compromising? The teacher wants to say that a man who dares to face his true feelings and chooses to save his marriage for the sake of his original commitment to his lover and his responsibility and perseverance to his family is more worthy of respect.
Because in order to let their loved ones return to their families, they have overcome many grievances that ordinary people cannot bear, and all of this stems from love!
02 Only by clarifying the reasons for cheating can you decide on the direction of recovery
Sometimes men may cheat just for the so-called physiological needs or novelty, but for women, they do not choose it without reason. Abandoning the family to bear the huge pressure from the outside. After all, from ancient times to the present, women who cheat have to bear greater moral condemnation and public opinion than men who cheat.
Therefore, if you want your wife to return to the family and separate from the third party, you need to understand the reasons clearly and find the root of the problem so that you can prescribe the right medicine and get twice the result with half the effort.
What are the reasons why women cheat after marriage?
Infidelity due to loneliness
Most of this happens when the husband and wife are in a different place for a long time, or the husband often leaves early and comes back late due to work reasons, and has no time to take care of his wife's family.
Women who have not been cared for by their husbands for a long time are easily moved by external care, and the loneliness produced in their hearts is easily filled by external emotions. Once they meet an attractive and attractive woman, Men who take the initiative can easily lose their resistance and transfer their emotional sustenance, leading to cheating.
Infidelity due to revenge
If your wife has ever been caught having sex with women outside, and eventually broke up, your married life will be as if you have completed the task every time, without any problems. Emotional communication is pitiful.
In such a family, it is very easy for cheating to occur due to revenge. We often say that men are more rational and women are more emotional, so a woman’s behavior is often dominated by her emotions. She may forgive because she is temporarily soft-hearted. After hearing her husband's infidelity, she actually hasn't digested the hurt in her heart.
When the negative emotions lurking in their hearts are aroused at a certain moment, they often choose to cheat to retaliate, so we often hear such wives say when they are exposed: " You can forgive me, why can’t I?” The ridiculous reason.
Infidelity due to dissatisfaction
This type of infidelity often occurs in marriages and families where the woman is strong and the man is weak. The most common phenomenon in such families is that the wife scolds the husband and dislikes his job. , I despise him for making too little money, I despise him for not seeking to make progress, I despise him for not being responsible, and then there is the ruthless comparison that good husbands belong to other people’s families.
She will be dissatisfied with you in various ways, and naturally there will be various contrasting strong opposite sexes around her. She will transform her dissatisfaction with you into appreciation and even worship of other powerful opposite sexes. And fell.
The conditions of such cheating women are often better than those of their husbands. The level of their life and work circles is often higher. The chance of meeting a high-quality member of the opposite sex is very high, and the chance of cheating is even greater.
03 Only by understanding your wife’s inner needs can you prescribe the right medicine
No matter what type of infidelity it is, the reason is ultimately that women’s inner needs are not met in marriage, and most men When students are asked whether they understand their wives' needs, they all have the same feedback: "Basically all the money I earn is given to her. She can do whatever she wants. Is there anything else she is not satisfied with!"
Whether you don’t understand or you don’t want to understand, it is an indisputable fact that the wife’s inner needs are not met, so let’s analyze the needs of women that are often ignored in married life.
It is a woman’s nature to lack a sense of security
From the moment a woman begins to fall in love, she has never stopped fantasizing about the sweetness of love, the happiness after marriage, and the A family of three after having a baby.
Any disturbance in the marriage can easily make them feel a sense of crisis and begin to doubt their original decision, making them feel extremely insecure.
Moreover, a woman's sense of security comes more from her husband's care than from material things. Materials can only determine the quality of conditions. Only a man's care is the biggest source of a happy life.
Nagging is a woman’s “privilege”
When you are in love, you like her to chatter around you all day long, but after you get married, you begin to resent her nagging. In fact, women do not become nagging after marriage. Nagging is their prerogative.
Women become nagging because men do not understand the reasons and changes in their mentality.
Women also want to share your stress
When many men encounter troubles outside, they like to keep it inside. Firstly, they feel that they appear responsible, and secondly, they feel that they are responsible. My wife couldn't be of much help.
But women don’t think so. They will hope to share problems with their men and fulfill their responsibilities as wives. If you are dejected but silent, your negative emotions will easily affect your wife. Bad emotions are the hidden dangers that are most likely to cause conflicts, so you might as well open your hearts and face them together.
Women need considerate care, but they don’t like unmotivated housewives
No woman rejects her husband’s considerate care, and they can arrange their daily life in order. But this does not mean that they like a househusband who has no ambition. You may not have good material conditions, but you cannot lack the fighting spirit to make progress.
Once the economic backbone falls on women, they will be confused about the future and lose confidence. Moreover, thoughtfulness and careerism are not in conflict with each other.
A woman is willing to support your husband and raise children for you, but she cannot accept that you ignore his efforts and value
Once a woman enters marriage, she will put her family first and let herself become a She becomes an ever-changing king who can take on the responsibilities of your family and work hard with you. It can be said that the moment she married you, she decided to revolve around you in her life.
But if, as a husband, he ignores her sacrifices and contributions, or even takes them for granted, she will be disappointed in her marriage and lose confidence in life.
04 Seize the inner needs and let your wife return to the family
Finding the root cause of your wife’s cheating is the prerequisite for recovery
When a woman chooses to marry you, she will not marry you from the beginning. Thinking about getting worse is caused by the accumulated conflicts between you over time. So since the thing has happened, don't always think about blaming her and put all the blame on her. After reading the previous analysis, calm down and analyze it carefully. Think about your own problems.
Only when you step out of your subjective consciousness and look at the problems between you objectively can you clearly see the nature and root of the problem, reduce your resentment towards her, and shift your focus to how to solve your problems. superior.
It is better to retreat than to advance.
Don’t make a decision in a hurry. Whether to stay or go is a question that both people have to face and think about. In fact, many times women are so anxious. She asked for a divorce because she felt that she could not face you, and coupled with your violent state, she made the decision to divorce with no other way out.
You can choose to take a break for a period of time, give yourself a vacation, go out for a walk, or move out for a period of time, so that both parties can have time and space to sort out their feelings and emotions. Questions are helpful and harmless.
Use your advantage as a husband
Although from the perspective of emotional stickiness, the relationship between you and your wife is at a disadvantage compared with her and a third party, but that is all. The only disadvantage is that for you, there are many advantages, such as the beautiful memories, the habit of living together for so many years, the families of both parties, the familiar social circles of both parties, and perhaps the trump card of the child. The intersection can serve as a powerful backing in your recovery process.
Change your appearance and start all over again
Although it may seem that your wife’s cheating was unexpected, when the problem actually occurs, reflect on it carefully. If such a problem occurs, it is definitely not the case. Caused by one person.
See the essence through the phenomenon
By analyzing the type and psychology of a woman’s cheating, you can basically determine the essential reason for your wife’s cheating, and clarify the true psychological state and heart If the demand is met, adjustments can be made in a targeted manner and the right medicine can be prescribed.
Know yourself and the enemy, and see through the psychology of the third party
Even if you do not face it directly, you must understand your opponent, because if he can intervene in your family, he must be interested in your past. She has a full understanding of her shortcomings, and then targets your weaknesses to overcome her defenses.
What type of man is he? What is his ultimate goal? What strengths and weaknesses does he have? What is his current mental state?
Only by fully understanding your opponent can you defeat the enemy with one blow and make your wife give up the third party and return to the family.
For the sake of love and family, firm belief
When faced with the cheating of their wives, most men react by turning the world upside down. They don’t think of regret until the moment of divorce. This shouldn’t be the case. Ruining the family irrationally.
If you want to win back your wife, you must first learn to calm yourself. Although it is difficult, it is not a kind of growth. Although it seems that you are the victim of this marital crisis, you should not break it up like this. Once the jar is broken, accept being a loser. You must adjust your mentality and muster up the courage to let her and your opponents see your positive energy in defending the family, and also let your wife see your maturity and responsibility.
It is not easy for two people to meet, it is not easy to fall in love, it is not easy to get married, and it is even more difficult to be together for so many years. Problems and conflicts are inevitable. How to resolve them correctly is a question. The embodiment of human thoughts and abilities, facing the menacing third party, escaping is the most cowardly expression, facing it bravely and defending your love is what you should do most.
Arguing is the stupidest way. You need to let her understand that emotions are my normal feedback on issues of principle, but I stick to it because I still love you, and I am willing to reflect on myself and find happiness with you again. love.
May we become better versions of ourselves every day!