01 Consulting Case Sharing
My husband wants me to save with a third party. I should put the third party Is this why my client Yi Ling came to consult and left? With my help, my husband just made some gains in his career. If you leave, you’ll find a third party.
Stop it and drag the third party to death? What should I do if I feel like I’ve eaten a fly when my husband cheats? Make the best choice after your partner cheats, but in fact, you have to know that there is basically no perfect choice
Every path represents some losses and there are some uncontrollable risks.
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In this process, when you see the alternative paths, you need to do a pros and cons analysis
A pros and cons analysis
1. List first. Choose each option.
2. Choose what is most acceptable to you.
Choose what is best for your self-growth. After making this choice, you can gradually take control of your life, find your own strength, and make yourself happy. Although it will be painful now, this pain is also an inevitable factor in promoting your growth. According to these two principles, we will come back. Look at Yiling's problem. She seems to have two choices: one is to turn around and leave, the other is to drag the third party to death. If you choose the latter: maybe you need to figure out one thing - whether you will drag yourself to death. Delay the third party?
03 Are you able to leave?
In a threesome marriage, your husband only has family affection and no love for you. A caregiver for children, a connector for young and old, and a service provider in daily life.
If you really don’t need emotional connection, you just don’t want to let go.
Such a marriage. You don't get much love, but you live a comfortable life and have a lot of energy to delay the third party. You can choose.
But if you are in extreme pain during the delay, you will not be able to let go of the third party. and your husband's concern.
On the other hand, there are many things that I don't want to deal with anymore. All I can say is that the third party may drag you to death.
So you. Evaluate whether you have the ability to drag the third party to death.
The premise is that you don’t feel uncomfortable in the process of procrastination.
If you choose the former: you need to check - you have. Ability to leave?
Four dimensions of leaving
The test can be divided into four dimensions
Dimension 1: Without relying on anyone. Can you take care of yourself? Most women who cheat have this ability. After getting married, women have already developed the ability to take care of others. Dimension 2: Can they maintain their livelihood after leaving financially. , so that the standard of living will not drop too much, or even improve. Whether you have this ability is a very real question. Dimension Three: Emotional Independence. If you really choose to drag a third party, you must remember not to look at the third party and your husband every day. The only thing you have to do is take care of their emotions and feelings when they are together.
Practice this when dragging a third party, and evaluate whether you have it when you turn around to leave.
Any limiting ideas?
Dimension 4: Are there any restrictive concepts?
Some people have some unbreakable ideas in their minds, such as: the family must be intact; divorce affects children throughout their lives; my parents are too fragile to accept the fact of divorce; after divorce, I am afraid that others will think that I am a loser . If you don't break through these ideas, it will be difficult to turn around and leave. It seemed easy to turn around and leave, but she always had a heavy lock in her heart. When she leaves, she'll be weighed down by guilt.
If after evaluating both paths, you find that you may not be able to go down either path, then maybe you need to practice your strength again in this impasse.
Control your choices.
In Ling’s case, she said her husband was also in pain, and she felt that her husband did not want to be a bad person.
He does not want to destroy his family, nor does he want to be a person abandoned by a third party.
This is evil disguised as kindness, and it is precisely because of his inaction that this family suffered such pain.
For the sake of your own peace of mind, let the people closest to you suffer.
When facing such a man, we need to make a clear distinction: the pain is his, not yours, and you only need to be responsible for your own pain.
No matter how you choose, there is only one general direction, which is to cultivate your ability to separate and give yourself the right to choose, independence and happiness.
It does not mean that you must divorce if you have the ability to separate, but when you have the ability to separate, you have a choice.