Some people say: There is only the feeling of marriage in the world, but there is no age for marriage.
That’s what I say, but in real life, if you don’t try to get married, unless you don’t go home, you will be drowned in the spit of your parents and your seven aunts and eight aunts.
01
When 34-year-old Qiu Huamei walked into the dating agency, she said that she might have high expectations for her partner.
While people were waiting for her to ask for an annual salary of 10,000 yuan, a place to buy a house, height, appearance, etc., she said:
She hopes that her partner will be well educated and know how to respect Women can share housework.
Is this too much to ask for? But if a man really has true feelings for a woman, these can only be regarded as basic requirements.
But Qiu Huamei still said that this requirement was too high because she could not accept the fact that none of the men she met before were willing to do housework.
There is another person who also feels that the requirements are too high, and that is the matchmaker.
The matchmaker repeatedly reminded Qiu Huamei that firstly, you are not a beauty, and secondly, you are indeed older.
To put it bluntly, it is "old and ugly". Who can bear others saying that about themselves?
Although Hua Mei looked a little unnatural from her expression and was definitely unhappy, she still said generously: "I think I am pretty good for my age."
Everyone understands the meaning of this statement. They just want to find a way out. No one likes the feeling of standing on the stage and being laughed at.
But the matchmaker still refused to give up, and even said with a bit of ridicule and contempt: "You are deceiving yourself, you are already very old in the marriage market at your age."
The reason to support this matchmaker’s view is that even if she gets married as soon as possible, Hua Mei will already be 36 years old when she gives birth to a child, making her an advanced maternal age.
What if DINK? What if you choose a divorced man with children?
In the eyes of matchmakers, these are basically impossible, or the chances are very slim.
In fact, in the eyes of dating agencies, women are actually a commodity in the marriage market. Your appearance, education, career, and age are all weights that add value to you.
The only thing not to talk about is feelings.
02
It seems that in the eyes of these people, marriage is just a transaction.
Sadly, the reality is that most marriages are truly a transaction.
This is why the matchmaker bluntly pointed out that the 34-year-old Hua Mei "is not doing well."
"If a woman reaches a certain age and is not married, it seems that anyone can laugh at you, including the people around you."
If you ask what is good about getting married, the other party will answer you : "You care about me, the main reason is that you have reached the age of marriage."
Hua Mei's sister even said: "If you don't get married, you will get sick in the future." In case of disaster, who will take care of you?
It means that after getting married, someone will take care of you when you are sick, and you will also have someone to take care of you in life.
But these people talk like insurance salesmen. They only say good things and keep silent about the bad things.
It is a very happy thing to find a warm man, but what if he is not suitable for you, is a sadist, a mama's boy or a softie? The price you have to pay is much greater than the price of not getting married.
I have heard such a story before:
A couple had different personalities and different outlooks. For the sake of their children, they did not divorce. When the children went to college, they shared a room with different beds. , each sleeping in a room.
Like **** roommates who rented a house.
One day, a man was getting ready to go to work. He saw his wife’s room door open and her wife lying on the bed with her back to the door. So he thought to himself: She is bedridden again. She is probably too lazy to go to work.
When he came back from get off work, he saw his wife still lying on the bed. He was a little angry because when he came back from get off work, his wife didn't cook as usual.
He neither asked her if she was feeling well nor cooked the meal himself. Instead, he went out to eat.
The next morning, he saw his wife still lying on the bed and felt something was wrong, so he went in and saw that his wife was dead.
Some people commented that he married the wrong person, and he didn’t even know when you died, and even complained that you didn’t cook today.
Yes, getting married is not buying insurance.
03
But many people are like Sister Hua said: Not getting married is a shame, and no matter how happy you are, it is not happiness.
So, in fact, in the eyes of many people, marriage is meaningless, it is just a conventional behavior after reaching a certain age.
Those who advise you to get married in the name of "for your happiness", even close relatives, will think that it would be a shame for you not to get married at such an old age, and No consideration is given to whether you are truly happier than married.
How many people get married under pressure from their loved ones or to fulfill other people’s wishes?
This is just like how some people strive to have a son after getting married. Some people go to great lengths to have children just to have a son.
The Huamei family is exactly like this. There are five sisters, but unfortunately they failed to give birth to a son in the end.
This is like a strange cycle in life. For the sake of some so-called worldly concepts, for the sake of face, and to cater to the eyes of others, there is a strong incentive to do things that make you painful.
What is even more incredible is that it is actually those older, unmarried women who are married, and even those who are already married, who do not get any actual benefits from marriage.
But as powerful as she is beautiful, she is a very independent and pursuing woman. She describes marriage as a pair of shoes. Maybe everyone wants shoes, but not everyone's feet are suitable.
She felt that her feet were too big to wear, so she would not cut them off. Her feet were suitable for walking around, so she wanted to go out and see more.
A girl like this deserves better.
Finally, after experiencing a failed blind date, I went to the blind date corner and was criticized by my aunt. The person who criticized her was a lawyer, who believed that her son would not be able to quarrel with her in the future.
She went to freeze her eggs, but found that it was not allowed in China. She chose to go to France for further study, and finally found her love in that romantic country.
What a blessing.
But she deserves it.
Someone asked on Zhihu: What are those older leftover women still insisting on?
The implication is that youth is gone, what is there to miss? What kind of money can I miss?
One of the positive answers is this: I insist on moving towards a better life, and insist on using love to care for and give back to the people I love, but there must be love in my life.
Many girls who are still persevering are like her, insisting on working hard and making progress, insisting on being enough to live the life they want, insisting on their own principles, and never settling for second best.
Isn’t this worthy of our appreciation?