It’s eleven o’clock all of a sudden. I’ve been busy chatting for a long time and done nothing. What should I write?
Work Part 1!
How high is the success rate of marriage rescue?
The marriage restoration industry is in full swing. People who are in marital crisis or divorce are like ants on a hot pot. They are looking through various restoration companies. They are really dazzled and don’t know which one to choose.
For people who don’t have much money in their pockets, marriage restoration often starts with tens of thousands of yuan, which can be said to be a huge hemorrhage. In terms of cost-effectiveness, it is really a dazzling choice.
In fact, there is another scariest reason:
If you make a poor choice, you will miss the best stage of marriage recovery, and you will lose more than tens of thousands of yuan in consultation. It’s a waste!
If you go in the wrong direction, the other person will hate you more and more and become more and more irreversible. By then, you will be ready to cry!
The market is flooded with various marriage recovery companies. Their advertisements claim that the recovery rate is as high as 99%, and they also guarantee refunds if unsuccessful, etc. Are these advertisements credible?
What is their success rate?
As a customer, I can’t just go to a company and try it, right?
In fact, as an industry insider, the success rate of marriage recovery is actually a false proposition.
Because, as long as you do not agree to divorce, more than 95% of marriages in our country cannot be broken down within a certain period of time (as short as 8 months, as slow as two years).
In other words, you don’t have to save anything to be successful.
The service period of most marriage restoration companies is within three months.
According to China’s current laws, 95% of people cannot get divorced within 3 months.
Does that mean that marriage recovery companies are useless?
Then you are totally wrong!
In China, marriage recovery companies do not exist.
This is not the case, they still have value.
But my friends who are engaged in the marriage counseling industry, who work in hospitals and universities, will not engage in this kind of work, not to mention that this industry is in urgent need of regulation, and there are hidden professional ethics risks!
Because it’s okay to do something against another person’s will.
To give an extreme example: the husband is short, poor, and cheats on her, and one day the wife suddenly wakes up, finds true love, and files for divorce. To save a good wife is not to give her high-quality love. This behavior itself is disgraceful. If he learns the skills and means to save the marriage, it will drag down the skills and means to save the marriage. His tactics dragged down his excellent wife. On the surface, he helped her husband save the marriage, but in fact, he harmed his wife's interests.
In family courts, we see these types of men/women every day. They are parasitic on the other person, without any progress at all. Their conditions are very poor in all aspects. Once the other person leaves, they may not even have a partner. If you can't find it, you just rely on the other party.
This kind of behavior is despicable.
Should not be encouraged.
As we all know, China’s pedantic traditional morality actually encourages saving marriages.
Therefore, marriage rescue companies are also suspected of using traditional morality to rationalize or even beautify their own morality. In fact, it is a profit-making behavior that ignores the interests of the other party.
All the proverbs include: "To encourage peace but not to divorce" and "It is better to demolish a temple than to demolish a marriage." These pedantic and outdated concepts are popular among the older generation, backward areas and culturally conservative people. The place is still mainstream!
Of course, in big cities, first-tier cities, and people born in the 1990s, these concepts are already outdated.
In fact, the current marriage recovery companies are mixed.
Some people will do whatever it takes to save their marriage, and some people will do anything to save their marriage more scientifically and morally.
We have discussed this issue in several of the most bizarre divorce cases we have heard about recently.
I choose the most outrageous and bizarre case:
This is the third marriage of a man and his wife. In the second marriage, he cheated and concealed it. After cheating, he married his current wife. .
After the child was born, his wife found out he had lied and filed for divorce angrily. Everyone before and after him kept saying that he wanted to save the marriage. The judge was also moved and gave him two chances (both times he did not decree divorce).
In order to save his marriage that was on the verge of collapse, he paid more than 100,000 yuan to a marriage rescue company and received psychological counseling.
After we intervened, we found that Mr. A lied a lot and had a tendency to transfer and hide property. He kept saying that he loved his wife very much, but in fact, the real estate and vehicles were registered in his parents' names.
We made a hypothesis (this is the third lawsuit, and this time 99.99% of the courts regret the divorce). What property will you give to the woman in the event of divorce?
As expected, he refused to give a penny, saying that the house and car belonged to his parents, with an annual income of hundreds of thousands, and he was only willing to give two thousand yuan a month in child support, and he also asked to give it to the woman. My sister and I jointly financed the construction of a farmer-built house in our hometown.
A complete scumbag.
The judge could not withstand his repeated requests and arranged three waves of ****. Six consultants tried their best to mediate and persuade. When the six consultants met with him, they all suggested that the judge should resist the divorce no matter what, because : If such a marriage is reconciled,
it will be harmful to the woman!
However, the marriage rescue company is still providing services to him.
Assuming that what marriage saving companies teach is that it is morally possible for a person to self-adjust, self-correct, and give the other person true love, then there is no problem.
But this is too idealistic. In that case, they may not be able to attract big business.
Moreover, the main purpose of starting a company or doing business is to make money.
Therefore, this kind of business can easily run into ethical dilemmas.
Not only do university psychologists and doctors avoid this field, but many psychologists also never set foot in this field due to ethical considerations.
No matter how high the salary is, no matter how much you earn, no matter how poor you are, you will never get involved.
Of course, there are other ethical issues.
I digressed, let’s get back to the topic.
A police friend also asked me, what is the success rate of recovery?
He did marriage mediation at the police station.
In fact, the success rate of marriage rescue can be divided into several situations:
In the community, in the marriage consultation room, and in the Women's Federation consultation: the rescue rate is relatively high, 70% to 80%. No divorce is allowed during the year.
In the marriage registration office, the success rate is about 30% to 40%.
Because when you go to the marriage registration office with a divorce agreement, both parties will be tortured and think about it for a long time.
However, there are still a large number of people who forgot to bring certain documents, and the agreement cannot be negotiated, or they are forced to divorce because they have no other choice, or they are more hesitant and are forced to divorce. The psychological counselor, or perhaps the marriage registrar, persuaded me to make another observation.
There are quite a few of these people.
Let’s talk about the court:
The court also divides the pre-litigation and post-litigation periods.
The pre-litigation reconciliation rate is the highest, reaching 30% and 40%. Later, the plaintiff was more determined, especially since the plaintiff spent money to hire a lawyer. The winning rate was about 10%. The winning rate of the secondary lawsuit was very small. There were only three or five exceptions out of a thousand cases, right?
However, it also depends on the environment and specific analysis of the specific situation.
If it is in the Mainland, the older generation, relatives and friends will come to persuade and block. Some people, under the pressure of reality, give up or realize their own problems (too picky and stubborn), or the other party is really Changed, gave up the divorce, returned to the family.
We hope it is the latter two, not the former.
For the former, if you are forced to stay in a marriage due to the pressure of reality and maintain a marriage of low quality, it is very cruel and inhumane.
In real life, especially in our parents’ generation, those born in the 60s and 70s, although they do not love or even hate each other, or one party has a serious personality disorder or psychological disorder, they still do not divorce. , still maintain the marriage that has passed away, and dare not or cannot pursue true love. There are many such people.
A third-rate marriage is about endurance
A second-rate marriage is about being dull
A first-rate marriage is about enjoyment
It can be said that such a person’s Marriage is third-rate.
The elders always use the quality standards of third-rate marriages to guide and educate the younger generations.
If the junior is disobedient, just follow the instructions.
Are there any fourth-rate marriages?
Yes, it is a family with verbal violence and mental violence.
Fifth-rate marriage means domestic violence and physical violence.
Hell-style marriage: The other party is a criminal, a thief, a prostitute, a liar, etc. These can all be called hellish marriages.
In fact, in foreign countries, physical violence is also a criminal offense.
But in our country, there is no such thing. Obtaining evidence is difficult and the courts rarely recognize it.
Most of the marriages handled by the courts are third-, fourth-, and fifth-rate marriages.
Second-rate and third-rate marriages are all found in psychological counseling rooms.
Third-rate, fourth-rate, and fifth-rate marriages could not be divorced in the old society. In modern society, they have fallen apart.
So much so that the divorce rate has skyrocketed.
Okay, let’s talk about marriage salvation.
Saving a marriage has a very high success rate, and there are laws to follow.
Moreover, during the rescue process, the person concerned will grow very fast.
Not only will they succeed (or not), they will grow.
I have a client who has shared the joys and sorrows with her husband. After more than ten years of suffering and starting from scratch, her husband felt that he was always criticized and suppressed when he was with her. He felt very tired, so he proposed After getting divorced, she tried to stay with her a hundred times to no avail, and finally decided to seek professional help.
She exercised to lose fat, losing 20kg in a year, and transformed from a chubby to a model figure.
She said, "I am a very confident person."
She said, "I am a very confident person."
She She said, "I am a very confident person."
She said, "I am a very confident person."
She said, "I am a very confident person." A confident person."
She said, "I am a very confident person.
I used to eat junk food, but now I only eat according to the diet prescribed by the coach. >
I never wore makeup before, but now I dress myself like a model
I used to be a clerk in an office, but now I am a lecturer in this major.
My parents used to be. She accepted the demands of being a submissive demon and unconditional filial piety to herself. Now she knows how to draw clear boundaries with her parents and not let them manipulate or interfere with her small family.
Most of the friends she made in the past. She was a young woman with nothing to do but play mahjong and smoke. Later, she improved her education, studied for a postgraduate degree, and became the girlfriend of a bank executive, a returnee from overseas, and a professional woman. She used to like lying down, but a year later, she was good at cooking, diving, exercising, arranging flowers, and making cakes.
She showed her old photos to her new friends, but no one believed them. The aunt she went to was the same person!
Her whole person had changed.
In the end, a rich and handsome man from Taiwan was fascinated by her sunshine, health and ambition, and the two of them were attracted by her.
This is a real case of turning a corner.
In addition to the careful guidance of the teacher, the accompanying party has put in a lot of effort.
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What force prompted her to be reborn and find happiness?
Many, many factors:
① Fear, extreme fear: She was born in a traditional family, Her husband left at the age of 37 and had a troubled son at the age of 8. In China, even in first-tier cities, it is difficult to find a good partner for remarriage under such circumstances. I guess there are women who live alone with their children after divorce. In this case, it’s not that she doesn’t want to remarry, but that the man who remarries will only be worse. But the only result is that there will be worse men waiting for her, so it is better to be alone after the divorce. Men are either crooked or ugly, or they are from the bottom of the society. Seeing the kind of men who can't even eat or find it difficult to feed themselves, she thinks that if she doesn't work hard, the only kind of man waiting for her is this kind of man. Terrified! She was terrified.
She tried her best to avoid this kind of marriage!
② High level of cognition: able to recognize the cruel status quo, be able to clearly evaluate one's position and price in the marriage and love market, be able to find a suitable marriage and love instructor, and constantly self-motivate and self-correct. Understand the current domestic culture, the possibility of a divorced woman with children finding a man who can accept her (especially her son) and age, and whose class and economy are no worse than her own, is very slim, and not as good as abroad. Therefore, we decisively targeted the international marriage and love market, targeting highly educated people, and targeting the spouse selection requirements of overseas Chinese from Hong Kong, Macao, Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, etc., as well as highly educated male groups.
③Super power of action and perseverance: Her series of improvements are based on super power of action and perseverance, 365 days a year, except the first day of the new year, all in all directions Improve yourself. She works out until she feels sick every other day, rain or shine. After realizing that her husband couldn't keep him, she quickly started looking for high-quality men all over the city and actively learned the skills of dealing with high-quality men.
④Have certain financial conditions: Everything she does requires a certain amount of financial support. No matter what hobbies she develops or what teachers she hires for tutoring, after this year, she only pays for tuition. : The minimum amount is more than 100,000 yuan, and the maximum amount is more than 300,000 yuan. It is a piece of cake for those with good economic conditions. For ordinary office workers, even if you have such courage and action, You may not have such financial resources, so how much more money can you have? You may not have such financial resources.
⑤Good family conditions: The most realistic one: not all women have money to hire a nanny, not all women have mothers to help them take care of their children, she does.
⑥Geographic advantage, being in a first-tier city, with complete supporting facilities: Living in Shenzhen, the teachers she found in every industry were top-notch, including emotional counseling teachers. She once spent tens of thousands of dollars to find them abroad. After several months of consultation with an emotional counseling teacher without success, she later found a professional teacher in Shenzhen. This teacher was more formal and had undergone psychiatric training and psychological hospital training. After the second consultation, she pointed out that she was depressed. If she wanted to Go to the hospital, must go to the hospital, must go to the hospital.
She followed the teacher's advice and immediately went to a specialist hospital to be prescribed antidepressants. After taking them for half a month, she really improved a lot. She was no longer depressed every day, and her mood collapsed like a pile of mud. She realized that her husband's departure from her was related to her depression.
After returning to normal, psychological counseling began to take effect.
Some students said: It is a pity to spend tens of thousands of yuan. It is a pity that the money was spent, and what is even more pity is that it was delayed for three or four months! Missed the best time to save! Because she always said to change, change, change, but what her husband saw was that she was emotionally broken down, in a mess, and nagging every day. Her husband, who did not understand the cause of the disease, was annoyed to death, gave up completely, and left her!
Not only is the quality of the psychological and emotional counseling teacher very high, but the luckiest thing is that she also hired a professional legal advisor and obtained nearly 10 million yuan in additional property for herself.
She fell into depression, and her mood worsened. She often cursed others, belittled her husband, resented him for abandoning her, and called him Chen Shimei. Her husband avoided him and moved out in anger. She didn't know the reason, and she was crying with her mother's family, who must protect the baby. She led her seven aunts and eight aunts to her husband's company, and seven or eight people went to her husband's company, saying that he had no conscience and abandoned his wife, and wanted to give her to him. It looks good, and it says that if you have the ability to file for divorce, you should walk out of the house, put on a pair of underwear and get out of Shenzhen.
The most terrifying thing about marital conflicts is the intervention of non-neutral family members, which often leads to the escalation of conflicts.
His husband has an upright personality and feels that his family is too bullying. Aren’t you going to punish me? I'm not afraid. The more you punish me, the tougher I will become. I originally hated her family, but this time I went too far.
The relationship is very tense.
He proposed that all the property should be divided equally. If the house worth 17 million was sold, each person would get half, and each person would get 8.5 million.
The child can be given to her, and the monthly alimony will be whatever the court awards. (Because the lawyer told him that the court sentenced a maximum of 5,000 yuan per month to the child until he was 18 years old).
Her family members became even more angry after hearing this, but there was nothing they could do to him, because this is a society ruled by law after all, and the law was divided like this.
At this time, she took the medicine for half a month, and her depression was improved by seven to eight points, and her mood and thinking became stable and clear. She understood that her husband was forced to leave because of her depression and her family. It can also be said that he was forced to leave by the ignorance of his family. The stubborn husband will never look back even if he dies. She knows her husband's temperament. As long as he makes up his mind, he will not be able to pull back ten cows.
After crying several times with the counselor, she accepted the counselor's suggestion, dismissed all her family members, asked them to avoid her, and personally dealt with her husband's love, hatred and money issues. Because she didn't understand the law, she went through a lot of trouble when she got divorced for the first time. Through a friend who was an executive in the banking industry in Hong Kong, she learned about a profession called mediator, which could help her handle the divorce better. lawsuit.
This profession is very common in Hong Kong, but few people are engaged in it in Shenzhen.
She finally found a mediator. With the help of the mediator and professional negotiations, she not only saved nearly 100,000 yuan in litigation fees and 3.5 million yuan in legal fees, but also gained nearly 100,000 yuan in legal fees. Ten million yuan worth of property!
My husband gave him the entire house!
Child support is nearly $2 million more!
All of this was done at her husband's will.
Her fate in the first half of her life was screwed up by her family (her husband couldn’t stand her depression, and more importantly, her family), and her family also screwed her up more and more about the divorce. Fortunately, she had a brain. , turned the situation around.
How could things be done so beautifully in a first-tier city with a developed service industry without smart minds? How can there be such good psychological talents and legal talents?
⑦ Know how to make use of various social resources: mobilize classmates, friends, and relatives to find high-quality men for themselves, take the initiative to participate in various high-end clubs, gatherings, chambers of commerce, and creative centers, and actively establish relationships with high-quality men. The relationship process was not smooth. Before marrying her Taiwanese husband, she also went through a lot of twists and turns and met a scumbag. But she was not discouraged and became more courageous with each setback.