But this woman who came out of the old-fashioned education, after leaving that fickle person, the more she lives, the more valuable she is.
Before the divorce, this conservative woman was afraid of divorce, afraid of not getting her husband's love, afraid of making mistakes, being cautious everywhere and compromising everywhere; After her husband moved on and her son died in a foreign country, the pain made her realize clearly that life can only depend on herself. Attachment to others will never have a bright future. Zhang Youyi had a wonderful life after middle age.
Remember beauvoir has a classic saying, she said:
"A person's greatest luck is that whether he is an adult or a child, he has to embark on an extremely difficult road, but this is the most reliable road; A woman's misfortune lies in being surrounded by almost irresistible temptations. She was not asked to make progress, but was encouraged to slide to bliss. When she found herself fooled by a mirage, it was too late, and her strength had been exhausted in the failed adventure. "
The luck of a man is that he was taught to be strong, brave and responsible from birth. And women should have the same luck as men. It is a woman's luck to abandon dependence, resist temptation, face hard life bravely and work as hard as men.
However, due to historical reasons, women have no social status and can only be attached to men. In this tradition, women are also accustomed to this mode of attachment and being attached, ignoring their own abilities. Because the inheritance of cultural concepts has its inertia characteristics, until today, we have not seen the full "awakening" of women in the true sense.
Girls are also bound by the argument that "it is better to study well than to marry well" and "what is your own skill". If your husband has the ability, you will enjoy happiness. " They are obedient to marriage, obedient to men, obedient to their fathers at home, married to their husbands, remoulded themselves according to men's expectations, and let men support themselves and lose their autonomy. The result of transferring autonomy is to lose more freedom.
With the development of the times, if we really want to discuss the difference between men and women, it is actually only a physical difference, and our spirit and soul are equal. Women can completely break away from tradition and compete with men in social competition by virtue of their own strength.
In this place, you can have a space to breathe freely and express your nature freely. Here, you are your own master, you don't live for others, you don't have to be responsible for others, you only have yourself, only responsible for yourself.
For a long time, Xin Huang (not his real name) didn't think there was anything wrong with giving to his family and his younger brother. But six months ago, her boyfriend of five years broke up and she began to reflect. Who caused this situation? Is it your own or your boyfriend no longer insists?
When Xin Huang was seven years old, his younger brother was born. From that day on, parents' encouragement to Xin Huang changed from "You should study hard, you should be productive, and your parents will depend on you in the future" to "You should study hard, you should be productive, and take good care of your younger brother, who is your closest relative besides your parents".
Xin Huang didn't think there was anything wrong with what his parents said. He thinks that his younger brother is seven years younger than himself, and he should assume the responsibility as an elder sister. Xin Huang always loves his younger brother and always gives him delicious food. When you are rich, you always buy things for your brother. After graduating from college, almost all of my brother's food, clothing, housing and transportation were provided by Xin Huang.
Later, my parents and Xin Huang discussed that my brother would always get married and have children in the future. Xin Huang wants to get married and doesn't need to buy a house. I hope that Xin Huang will save his money and take on the responsibility of buying a house for his younger brother with his parents. Xin Huang agreed.
From then on, Xin Huang left only a few hundred pieces of pocket money every month, and gave the rest to his mother to save.
Later, Xin Huang fell in love with a boy who was very kind to her, and this conversation lasted for five years.
In the past five years, the boy proposed to get married many times, and Xin Huang agreed. It was only at the request of Xin Huang's parents that the wedding was postponed again and again.
In the third year of their relationship, the boy went to Huang Xin's house to propose marriage, and Xin Huang's parents suggested that the man buy a wedding room.
The boy's family is not very rich, so the boy struggled for more than a year and used his parents' savings to prepare the wedding room.
In the fifth year, Xin Huang's parents offered to buy a car. The boy went one step further and bought a mid-range car. Although this is not the brand that Xin Huang's parents want, I finally have a car. Xin Huang asked his parents: Can we get married now?
Xin Huang's parents said that if we don't wait, your brother's house payment will be almost short. If you want to get married, you can ask him to pay some money.
Xin Huang thought it was not good to buy a house for his brother with boys' money, so he told the boys to wait.
Boys have been asking why. I have done everything your parents asked. What are you waiting for?
Xin Huang had no choice but to tell the boy the truth: because the whole family scrimped and saved only to buy a house for their younger brother and had no money to get married, they had to scrimp and save for a while.
The boy thought about it, felt hopeless and proposed to break up.
Until now, Huang Xin realized that she had obeyed her parents' arrangement and lost her rights. She has always been regarded as the provider of her son by her parents, and she is not given her own space, but she actually thinks this is right. I can't blame my boyfriend for leaving: there is no end in sight in a relationship, no matter who will be tired, and he has done a lot.
There is nothing wrong with loving your family. What is wrong is not to give up your independent space, the initiative of marriage and love, and strive for the right of happiness for yourself.
Xin Huang, who always obeyed her parents, was lovelorn; Xiao Min (pseudonym), who is obedient to her husband, has lost her personal freedom and life safety for more than 10 years.
Xiao Min gives the impression that she is a strong woman. She works as an executive in a company with an annual salary of 2 million.
In people's imagination, this woman is so capable that her family life must be very happy.
But the opposite is true. Colleagues have noticed that Xiao Min sometimes wears clothes different from the season. Sometimes, women wear beautiful skirts, and Xiao Min will wear long clothes and trousers to work. Sometimes, it disappears for a few days. Because she is an executive, employees don't know where she went.
Only Xiao Min and her husband know that after more than ten years of marriage, as long as there is a dispute between husband and wife, or her husband is in a bad mood, her husband will beat Xiao Min and beat Xiao Min black and blue.
For the sake of face, I am also afraid that my husband will retaliate against me, but also for the future of my children. After each beating, Xiao Min didn't dare to make any noise or even call the police. He can only heal the wound by self-healing. If the injury is not serious, go to the drugstore to buy some medicine for the injury. If her hands are heavy, she will lie at home for a few days and lick the wound alone like a wounded little beast.
You know, Xiao Min's husband is practicing Sanda. Where was his weight when he punched? Almost every time, Xiao Min is afraid of not seeing the sun the next day. Every time he wakes up from the pain, Xiao Min comes back to life again.
And this situation actually lasted 10 years. It was not until the introduction of the anti-domestic violence law that Xiao Min found a lawyer and successfully divorced her husband.
10 years, why Xiao Min didn't ask for a divorce, but he was miserable?
Only when you are in it can you know how difficult it is to divorce. You will face threats from men, financial control and mental control from husbands, threats from children, and social prejudice against divorce. The most important thing is that women are influenced by the traditional concept that men are the most important, and they focus on the overall situation in their families instead of pursuing spiritual freedom and self-happiness.
This is actually the marital status of most women in China. No matter how strong a woman is at work, as soon as she gets home, she will be influenced by traditional thinking and still be attached to her family.
Home is the harbor of life, that is to say, the family that can bring people positive power is the one that is destined to consume their own family. Women are like frogs cooked in warm water, and they no longer realize that the water with higher and higher temperature will bring disaster to themselves. She didn't know how to dodge or resist, but trapped herself in the water.
Women have achieved economic independence, but they are still trapped in the afterglow of traditional society to women.
Nowadays, women do not lack the ability to support themselves, but lack calcium in the spirit of demanding independence, equality and freedom. This is not only caused by tradition, but also because women themselves are unwilling and afraid to break free.
When many people are stuck in a rut, it is really not easy for a person to break out of the cocoon. You will become the target of public criticism, and some people will use various reasons to put you in it without resisting and suppress your spiritual growth.
However, the more so, the more you should think about what you want in your feelings and marriage, and whether you have got it now; Whether a person's spirit can breathe freely when the economy is independent.
The present era is no longer the era in which Zhang Youyi lived that "women are worthless", nor is it the era in which women in Beauvoir's life were encouraged to achieve bliss and were exhausted by women's strength. The present era gives women equal rights with men, but the progress of people's ideas can't keep up with the rapid changes of the times.
But women should have the consciousness that the world is beautiful, and they are lucky enough to create opportunities to witness it, away from those who hinder you from pursuing yourself and your ideals for various reasons for personal gain, and away from those who consume your courage. This step can only be done by yourself. Without the courage to break the status quo and be reborn, you can only be bound by old ideas.
I remember a saying: the most difficult thing for people to overcome is themselves. Here, I wish you a brave victory over yourself, and life will never be broken.