When quarreling with you, I forgot my reason, my restraint, my communication, and even my telling you that I love you behind every word. I just want you to know how much I love you.
Those unspoken love and attachment will never be there again after everything is over. Some love, some people, do not live here, there will be no future. If I can, I want to love you more, but you don't hold me tight.
"Happy families are all similar; Every unhappy family has its own misfortune. "
At the talk show conference, Rock talked about divorcing his ex-wife. One of the passages is particularly impressive. When did two people find out that they were going to be separated? But one day, Locke came home and found his wife looking at their wedding photos. At that moment, he knew their marriage was over. Because the day before, he also found those photos and looked at them again.
In fact, most of the emotional endings, there is no derailment, no domestic violence, love is just in some trivial things. People who have never experienced it can never feel the same.
Rock and roll is called walking muscle hormone. As a gym owner, his figure, face value and temperament are all online. In fact, he is a very lonely person. Even telling jokes on the stage makes people feel alienated and sad.
The more delicate people, especially men, will try their best to give everything when facing feelings and marriage. He will read each other's every move. This feeling is deep and lonely, just like an underground river flowing under the river and sea.
I never thought I would be apart when I was with you, but I didn't expect to come to us when I was apart. It's better for two people to torture each other than for one person to talk about the past.
Finally, he said with a smile, "After separation, she kept a dog named Locke and castrated it." At that moment, he was probably as lonely as a dog.
If all the encounters are reunions after a long separation, then all the points are peeling and gouging out their hearts. What makes me sad is not to be apart from you, but to admit that we can't go on. Once loved, the only regret is that I didn't go to the end, and the best memory is to let go. When the quarrel is over, the days will be over.
"The best day is when you make him laugh."
Wang Nan is the table tennis player who won the world championship the most times in China. She retired after the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games, and in the same year she married Guo Bin, a business genius and Weihai real estate tycoon.
Wang Nan talked about the quarrel between husband and wife in the interview program, which made people feel ridiculous.
Wang Nan said that over the years, their quarrels can always be reconciled within one day. After the quarrel, Guo Bin called her. "If it's my fault, if he calls me, I will speak very gently. If it's his fault and he calls, I'll pretend to be outspoken. what did you say ? What happened? Don't know! " There are both the coquetry of a little woman and the strength of a big woman.
In real life, many women cry after quarreling, insist on the other side to explain, and use their "work" to test whether the other side loves themselves, which makes the other side very tired. In fact, when girls love someone, they have thousands of reasons to quarrel with each other, and they are too lazy to toss people they don't love.
After the quarrel, she was able to hold her breath, not because she didn't care about love, nor because she was arrogant and high-profile, but because he gave her enough security. Even after the quarrel, he is a more anxious person at the moment.
"On one occasion, he and I played for two days. I was training and I was thinking, what's going on? Progress? Why haven't you called all day? It's been two days, and you haven't called? I know him very well, and his character must be getting impatient. " Sure enough, "in the evening, the phone came. When I looked at the phone number, I smiled! I'm still pretending to be super cool. Why? And he said,' Hey! Did you call me? My mobile phone is broken. I said,' Who called you? Your mobile phone is broken? Don't you have another phone number? He said,' You didn't call? I thought you called me! What do you want from me? I said,' You called me! "What did you ask me?" Then both of them laughed, and soon they were all right, as is often the case. "
It is normal for two lovers to quarrel. Maybe afterwards, they will forget why they quarreled at that time, but they will always remember the scene of reconciliation. He is laughing, you are joking, and the best love is this life.
"At that time, only pottery was ordinary."
My best friend Xiaoya and her husband went from campus love to wedding dresses. After seven years of long-distance running, they finally achieved a positive result, which is a model campus love among their classmates. A talented person, a beautiful woman, envies others. What is even more enviable is their persistence and waiting for love. From the most youthful innocence to the daily necessities of marriage, from innocence to maturity. This is the ideal love.
Sadly, however, this beautiful relationship came to an end in the third year of their marriage.
"Fate is here, no regrets. I hope that you and I will be well-off and live up to life. " A simple circle of friends announced the breakup of marriage, and countless people followed the heartbreak and regretted never believing in love again.
"In fact, being together is the simplest, but life is very annoying. He and I were exhausted in the trivial things after marriage. " It turns out that they have nothing to say for a year, nothing to say, and they are tired of quarreling and nothing to say.
Day after day, year after year, they try to get together, but they are getting farther and farther away from each other.
"Why haven't the socks been washed yet?" "Why is the room so messy?" "Don't stay at home on weekends." "I just want to lie down for a while before washing dishes." ...
What I fear most in feelings is not quarreling, but quarreling out of control. All the pots and pans are wrong, whether you are here or not, or even when you open your mouth. The most terrible thing in feelings is that quarreling makes two people blurred, and lovers talk for more than half a sentence.
"We don't quarrel, and we don't talk much." If the marriage is to play separately and the other party becomes a troublemaker, how can this marriage last?
Being together is not just about having a person who knows the cold and the hot, a person who only has the other person in mind, and a person who can work together for a better future. Being together is never to quarrel, nor to win or lose in a quarrel and hurt each other's hearts, nor to find someone to make yourself sad again and again.
All quarrels, winning is losing.
Marriage and love without quarrels are a pool of stagnant water, which is well illustrated by the smash hit Korean drama Fog. The estrangement between Gao Huilan, the anchor, and Jiang Taixu, her lawyer husband, in their marriage for several years almost pushed their love to the abyss, which made people depressed to the bone. Quarrel is at least a way to communicate with each other, and being too lazy to quarrel is the despair and indifference of closing the door.
"Good things in the world are not forced, and colorful clouds are easy to break." From the perspective of "false intimacy", we can find problems and rebuild good relationships.
Couples, lovers, quarreling is not the most taboo thing, except domestic violence and infidelity, everything else is trivial. But most relationships come to an end because of small things.
According to statistics, the happiest and most loving couples in the world have at least 200 thoughts of divorce and 50 thoughts of strangling each other in their lives.
Wang Xiaobo said in Running at Night, "Life is a very troublesome thing, and the biggest trouble is to avoid misunderstanding."
When two people become separated from each other, they are distrustful and insecure. In the long run, two seemingly intimate people fall into a state of pseudo-intimacy. This is not a professional psychological term, but it properly describes the real scenes between too many couples.
Quarrel is because of differences, which can't solve the problem, but will only make the two sides "tired out of love." In addition to their own personality and emotional problems, on the other hand, they are ignored and ignored by both sides.
Shi Xiuxiong, a consultant who graduated from the Department of Psychology at the University of Toronto, gave the following three suggestions:
1. After the relationship between two people is cracked, they should actively repair it.
What is your main emotion? Many of them are manifested in secondary behavior. Don't give negative emotions a chance to continue to breed. When something goes wrong, you should learn to stop it actively. When two people think that there will be a quarrel if they continue to quarrel, or that they will say hurtful things if they continue to quarrel, don't continue to discuss that topic. Give each other a break, rearrange the development of things, and rearrange their emotions.
Everyone will slam the door after quarreling, and not everyone will bring their favorite food home.
2. Understanding and reflection
Reflection on self-cognition is the most important premise of personality, emotional model and behavior adjustment.
It's easy to blame others, because you can clearly know what annoys you. However, in fact, what a person knows best is himself, what scene he will be anxious about, what inertial reaction he will make to some things, and what is the most fundamental problem behind his emotions. Only by expressing your emotional demands in the right way can you get the expected response.
Understanding and reflecting on one's behavior is the basis of building feelings and trust.
As the saying goes, only by loving yourself can you love others better. Only by knowing yourself can you be better understood by others. Perhaps you just have a dependent or anxious personality behind your sensitivity, suspicion, fragility and anxiety? Knowing yourself is the only way to control your emotions.
3. Exchange and discussion
There is a quarrel because I still love you, and breaking the false intimacy can better harvest love.
In the interaction, there must be some factors that hinder efficient and good communication between each other. The limitations of mutual concepts and cognition often limit the scientific exploration of interaction methods.
Everyone knows the importance of communication, but many people don't communicate effectively. Communication is not only telling each other what you think, but also learning to listen. More importantly, it is necessary to objectively and rationally analyze the cause, process, result and even the fuse and influence of things.
What are the potential emotional factors that lead to emotional outbursts? What are your inner thoughts when an argument occurs? What kind of response do you expect from the other party? Instead of angry words, cold war or avoiding problems.
"The door is like a city, and the time is as long as a small year." This sentence in The Old Man Who Collected Word Paper in the Past may be a poetic description of the best state of life. The scenery is quiet with you. I don't want to quarrel with you, and I'm not afraid to quarrel with you, because I know we will get back together.
You are lucky to learn to give me better love. Fortunately, I became a better person in this relationship, and you are still with me.
If one day, we don't quarrel, how sad I should be.
In this world, I am afraid of darkness, cold, parting and losing you.
* About the author: A cloud in the sky, a woman who combines love and loneliness, talks to herself between dream and reality.