First of all, what is domestic violence? According to the provisions of the Anti-Domestic Violence Law, domestic violence refers to physical and mental violations committed by family members in the form of beating, binding, mutilation, restriction of personal freedom, frequent abuse and intimidation. Obviously, domestic violence is not only a physical injury, but also a mental injury.
According to the data released by the All-China Women's Federation, about 30% of families in China have different degrees of domestic violence. At present, the difficulties and problems faced by these families include three levels:
1, legal level: the application of the law is not perfect, and the enforcement and punishment of the law are not enough, which encourages domestic violence around us.
Traditionally, domestic violence is regarded as a "domestic affair". In many people's minds, maintaining family relations is more important, which is more terrible than imperfect laws to some extent.
3. Self-level: The mentality of the victims and their families that "the family's dirty linen can't be publicized" makes domestic violence more concealed.
What needs to be clear is that domestic violence is not a housework, but a crime. If you really encounter domestic violence, you must call the police in time, ask the neighborhood committees, women's federations and other units for help in time, and keep written materials as evidence. Evidence can be: alarm records, police transcripts, warnings; Hospital diagnosis certificate and forensic identification; Audio, video and photos; Witness testimony; Letter of guarantee or electronic evidence (recording, WeChat chat record).
In addition, you can also apply to the court for a personal safety protection order. ("Personal safety protection order system" refers to the system that the parties can apply to the court to prohibit the perpetrator from carrying out domestic violence, prohibit the perpetrator from harassing, stalking, contacting the victim and his related close relatives, order the perpetrator to move out of the victim's residence, and implement other measures to protect the victim's personal safety. )
How to apply for a personal safety protection order?
Need to be put forward in writing; If it is really difficult to apply in writing, you can apply orally and the people's court will record it. Bring the following materials to the people's court to apply:
1, identity information materials (ID card, etc. );
2. Proof of relationship (marriage certificate, household registration book, etc.). );
3. Personal safety protection order application/oral application recorded by the court;
4. Practical evidence to prove the existence of domestic violence.
From this perspective, many people can appreciate the horror of domestic violence. Also let those who ask, "Why don't you get divorced after being abused?" ? This is your problem. "Some people feel powerless about domestic violence.
It's not that the victims of domestic violence don't want to leave, but that they are influenced by three factors.
1, some people are afraid that they can't live independently because they don't work and have no income after marriage and need to rely on each other to survive.
2. Some people can't live without it, because "children can't have an incomplete home". What these people don't realize is that living in an environment with domestic violence is more harmful to children than single parents.
There are still some people who are financially independent, but not spiritually independent, and their thinking mode has not been reversed. Subconsciously, they think "they can't live without each other."
Blame the victims of domestic violence, it is better to think about how to protect them and help them have the courage to get out of the "bitter sea". Guide them to change their mode of thinking, help them build their confidence in living independently, and at the same time, the society can also provide relief channels and support, so that victims of domestic violence can really have a safe harbor.
Will men be abused by domestic violence?
As a professional marriage lawyer, I can say responsibly, of course!
Judging from the common divorce cases at present, women who have suffered domestic violence account for the majority. Under normal circumstances, when choosing a marriage partner, women will choose someone who makes them feel safe, stronger than themselves and can protect themselves. After all, physically speaking, men have an advantage over women.
Of course, physical strength is not necessarily related to domestic violence. I have also seen a strong policewoman abused by a thin civilian husband.
Although there are fewer cases of male domestic violence, it is not without it. Last year, I represented a divorce case, that is, the man was divorced because of domestic violence.
The man said that he was often beaten by the woman and the clothes rack was interrupted. The woman will also scare him with a knife in the middle of the night, not letting him sleep and so on. After listening to the man's description, I always felt that the woman was very strong before the trial. During the actual trial, I saw that the woman was just like an ordinary girl and didn't see any physical advantages at all.
Therefore, both men and women, regardless of physical differences, must resolutely stop domestic violence and know how to obtain evidence. Domestic violence, whatever the reason, should be tolerated.
I received a case in which a woman was abused by her husband for more than two years. Her biggest fear every day is to come home from work and live in fear all day, for fear that her husband will be furious if she is not careful. She carefully prevented being beaten, strangled, locked in the house and threatened by a knife ... In order to give her children a complete home, she endured it for two years. Until later, the husband's domestic violence began to extend to the children. She finally decided to divorce.
I want to say that domestic violence between parents hurts not only the one who is beaten, but also the children. Because you don't know which behaviors may affect children, even the spouses and children of future children. If there is domestic violence in family of origin, children are more likely to have domestic violence in adulthood. Therefore, I suggest that the party who has custody of the child should pay attention to the child's psychological condition in time after divorce, and let the child receive psychotherapy if necessary to completely get rid of the shadow left by domestic violence.
In addition, you must call the police in case of domestic violence. Some people think it is useless to call the police, but the purpose of calling the police is not only to put the other person in the police station, but also to warn the abuser and let him know our firm attitude towards domestic violence, even if it does not constitute the standard of criminal responsibility or administrative punishment.
When many people suffer from domestic violence for the first time, they are often overwhelmed by panic and fear, which is normal. Don't worry, if you can't get the evidence at the first time, look for opportunities to confirm the facts of domestic violence with each other by recording or chatting afterwards.
Finally, not being silent in the face of domestic violence should be that victims can face it positively, families, neighbors, communities and even society can give support, and the police and courts can give protection, instead of setting off confrontation between men and women, tearing public opinion and letting children face a pair of irrational parents and live in the shadow of mutual harm.
Will you forgive domestic violence?
I found that many people forgive each other again and again when they encounter domestic violence. One of my clients once told me that although he was in pain when he was abused by domestic violence, after he calmed down, he would kneel down, apologize, promise not to do it again, and sometimes slap himself. I think he forgave his serious apology. But later, he will do it again. I want to separate, but I'm afraid I'll be entangled with him again. I don't know what to do.
If you ask me, domestic violence is really dangerous at first, because, in most cases, it happens in a relatively private place-home. Second, because domestic violence generally lasts longer. Domestic violence is not only once, and the perpetrator will not stop because of the tolerance of the other party. The aggressor will constantly test the bottom line of the victim's physical and mental endurance through the attitude of the other party, and tolerance will only make him worse and worse.
We often say that domestic violence is only 0 times, countless times. When you suffer from domestic violence, you must take effective measures in time and never bear it silently. Many people think that domestic violence is a family matter, and the family's dirty laundry should not be publicized. You can't call the police or don't want to. I don't think so. Domestic violence is not a family matter. Domestic violence is illegal. In case of domestic violence, you must call the police. This is a clear expression of the victim's firm attitude towards domestic violence, and it is also a warning and deterrent to the perpetrators. In addition, when suing for divorce, police records can also be submitted to the court as evidence of domestic violence.
As for whether you should forgive him, you need to judge for yourself. Whether you choose to forgive or not, you should take effective preventive measures. If the other party expresses apologies and regrets, they can choose to sign a repentance agreement or a marital property agreement, and specify the reasons for domestic violence. If the other party does not show remorse, they can also choose to divorce and start a new life by themselves.