Recently, the news that a female student was beaten to death by her British boyfriend was widely circulated. At the same time, an 87-year-old man in Yanqing killed his wife who had been married for 50 years ... this is domestic violence!
This is domestic violence.
Last August, Bishop, a female student from China, was beaten to death by her boyfriend in Britain. The case was recently tried in Britain, and her boyfriend admitted the crime of manslaughter, but denied the murder. Because the boyfriend saw the information of Bishop's mobile phone, he suspected that his girlfriend used dating websites to meet other opposite sex, thus beating Bishop.
There is also news that Bishop was not beaten for the first time, and there were many scars on his body!
This is domestic violence. It refers to the physical or mental injury between family members, which is often hidden due to the constraints of real kinship and interests. As more and more people are unhappy at work or in their hearts, physical violence is a natural choice.
Bian Xiao can't understand. Since it's not the first time you've been beaten, why not leave your boyfriend? Domestic violence is absolutely intolerable. If she had a second time for the first time, why did she stay with her boyfriend?
Why didn't you choose to leave when you were abused
This woman was so stupid that she was beaten all over and didn't leave her boyfriend. Is it really stupid? Don't tell me this is true love. ...
Every family has its own problems for the following reasons:
1, sunk cost fallacy
That is, to avoid the negative emotions caused by loss, so as to indulge in past efforts and continue to be trapped.
The relationship between the abuser and the victim was not established overnight. They have been together for many years, but the victim still has feelings for the abuser and feels very reluctant to leave like this. So he continued to sink.
2. The economy cannot be independent.
Money is the most powerful means to make people free. If you have money, you don't have to be wronged.
However, if there is no money, the lives of themselves and their children can not be guaranteed, and the victims will be unable to move, so they can only continue to struggle in nightmares.
3. Stockholm syndrome
In the dark days, she was helpless, under high pressure for a long time, exhausted and unable to make any decision, and gradually relied on the man who had given her pain.
4. There are no channels and objects for help.
Law enforcement agencies did not accept it, and relatives and friends thought that there was no institution to provide care and assistance in the place where the case occurred.
Step 5 isolate yourself
Consciously ashamed, gradually alienating relatives and friends, no social circle. The world is so big that I feel I have nowhere to go.
6. Public opinion pressure
Society is dominated by male chauvinism.
Right or wrong, public opinion will support this man.
Female victims will be considered to be problematic, unattractive, unable to handle the relationship with men, and the family is a failure.
7. Desire for tenderness and love after violence.
Many victims regard the moment of compensation after abuse as the happiest time.
8. Sense of loyalty and sacrifice
From the pain, I have an indescribable sense of dedication, chastity and martyrdom.
In traditional culture, the consciousness of "marry a chicken with a chicken, marry a dog with a dog" is still deeply rooted.
9. There is no hope and confidence
In the long-term torture, I feel ashamed of myself, have no confidence to leave, and have no courage to start my life again. Fear of future uncertainty.
10, it may be more dangerous to leave in a hurry.
If you want to leave, you must have a specific implementation plan, including: money, income, accommodation, help to move, transportation, police help, legal aid, understanding and comfort.
What should I do if I encounter domestic violence?
This kind of thing, jung said: "when love dominates everything, violence does not exist;" When violence dominates everything, love disappears. "
The specific situation of each family is different. Some people are violent because of mental problems, and some are because of psychological problems. Take them to see a doctor if they should.
If domestic violence can be changed by a woman's love and tolerance, it is also a lucky thing.
If the man's personality is stubborn or bad, for the sake of life safety, let's leave early!
What kind of man is prone to domestic violence?
Signs of domestic violence 1: It is easy to get out of control at home.
Many people think that violent men are often out of control and impulsive. But in fact, I have seen many men who are impulsive outside and may fight at any time, but they never touch their wives' fingers when they get home.
Some soldiers and career-oriented strongmen are domineering and easy to get emotional outside, but they just don't touch their wives when they go home, so when looking at men, we can't classify emotional loss as one type because there are differences.
You can observe that men who suddenly rage at home and scold their wives, men who smash things at home, and men who take it out on their wives at will are basically prone to domestic violence.
Symptom 2 of male domestic violence: addiction, such as drug abuse, gambling, sexual abuse and severe alcoholism.
Because these addictive bad habits will change a person's personality, lose control of emotions and distort personality.
Some people have a good temper when they first fall in love with you, but even if they have these bad habits, they can't have them. Because these bad habits can't be quit, it is almost inevitable to change a person's character.
More than 25% of domestic violence comes from personality distortion, and addiction almost always leads to a person's personality distortion, which makes the incidence of domestic violence surprisingly high.
If your boyfriend is addicted to gambling (vicious), taking drugs, or has a sadistic tendency, then the possibility of domestic violence in the future is very high and must be avoided.
Male symbol of domestic violence: morality has no bottom line
Do bad people have to beat their wives? Not necessarily. Some people who break the law, even murderers and criminals, may be good to their families. Some people steal just for their families, while others break the law just for their children.
They break the law, but it's not that morality has no bottom line.
If a person doesn't even care about his family, he would rather sacrifice his family for his own benefit. When he is happy, he can hurt his relatives and make them suffer. Then this person is a moral bottomless pit.
In other words, he doesn't love his family at all, nor does he love his wife and children, so of course he will hit you if he is unhappy.
Mark 4: Self-respect for life.
There is another type, that is, men's self-esteem is super strong, self-esteem is stronger than life, and finally domestic violence is carried out in order to maintain self-esteem.
Under this strange logic, when a man returns home, he begins to violently beat his wife and constantly commits domestic violence. In his subconscious, his self-esteem is far greater than his own life, let alone his wife's life.
So around such a man, you never know what will hurt his self-esteem, and you never know what will beat you.
In short, when a man values face more than life, the people around him must be in danger. Because just a little rumor can break this man's defense and make him regard you as an enemy.
Mark 5 of domestic violence man: personality distortion, mental illness
The last point is medically recognized. Mania, depression, schizophrenia, menopausal psychosis, all of which may bring the influence of domestic violence. These diseases can be recognized by medicine and easily distinguished in normal life. For girls, find a normal boyfriend, not an eccentric boyfriend. Finding a cheerful and lively boyfriend, rather than a gloomy and difficult one, can also effectively avoid these problems.
What deserves everyone's vigilance is that domestic violence is always gradual. At first, this kind of person may just lose his temper at home, but slowly, he starts to do something lightly, then slaps, and finally he can do anything when his emotions get out of control.
Bian Xiao said a few words.
Women are used to hurt and spoil, and there are many ways to vent, but hitting women is the most tasteless one, even if women make mistakes!
I'll tell you again, don't tolerate domestic violence. Once you commit it, break up. Domestic violence is addictive and will recur, and it will get worse every time.