The judge said to the defendant: "In addition to stealing money, I know you also stole watches, rings and pearls."
"Yes," the defendant Answer, "I have known since I was a child that money alone will not bring happiness."
(2) The thief's answer No. 2
"You admitted to breaking into clothes four times Shopping mall?" the judge asked.
"Yes". the suspect replied.
"What did you steal?"
"A dress." the suspect replied.
"Just a piece of clothing?" The judge asked puzzledly: "Then why did you break into that shopping mall four times!" "
"Alas! "The suspect said.
"Well," the suspect sighed, "the first three times, my wife didn't like any color. "
(3) Lawyer's Question
An American lawyer once asked the following question: "How many times have you committed suicide? "
"How far apart were the two cars when they collided? "
"Doctor, when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning, right? "
"Let me ask again, how old is the youngest son, the young man in his twenties? "
"Were you present when your photo was taken? "
"Were you alone or just you? "
"Is it you or your brother who died in the war? "
"You were there before you left, weren't you? "
"The stairs leading to the basement also go up, right? "
"Did he kill you? "
(4) Doctors and Lawyers
A doctor attended a party. During the party, he kept being pestered with questions about health care.
After an hour, he was at a loss, so he asked a lawyer present: "If people ask you legal questions outside the office, what can you do to stop them from disturbing you?" ? "
"I will answer their questions," the lawyer replied, "and then send them the overdue bills.
The doctor was surprised, but finally agreed to give it a try. The next day, when the doctor was preparing to mail the overdue bill with a guilty mood, he found in the mailbox the overdue bill written by his lawyer.
1. Right-hand crime
Crime
This is a theft case. The defense lawyer said: "The defendant just put his right hand into the window and stole something. His right hand is not equal to his whole person. How can you punish the whole person for the crime committed by one right hand?
The judge's final verdict was: "The defender's defense grounds are established and shall be accepted. The defendant's right hand sentenced him to one year in prison. As for whether the defendant's right hand goes to jail, it is up to him to decide. "
The lawyer quickly helped the defendant remove the wooden prosthetic hand installed on his right arm, handed it to the judge, and then dragged the defendant with only one hand away.
2. Question
Order question
The prosecutor asked the witness: "You just said that you visited the defendant on the day of the crime, so what did he say?" "
"Objection! "The defense lawyer said: "The question does not comply with the procedure! "Then the prosecutor and the lawyer argued for a full hour about whether the question was in order, and finally the judge ruled that the objection was invalid and the witness had to answer the question.
The witness replied: "Nothing was said. He didn't say anything at the time. at home. "
3. Dreams
Travel
Illness
Mr. A and Mrs. A admire a certain barrister very much and often go to the court to listen. The barrister's wonderful argument. One day, Mrs. A met the barrister on the road and praised him: "Your three-hour argument yesterday was so wonderful!" "
The barrister was a little unhappy and said, "But as soon as I got to the point, your husband left." "
Ms. A said apologetically: "I'm so sorry, he has sleepwalking.
"
4. Eat
noodles
tea
A court heard a criminal case. The defender believed that the indictment accused the defendant of a crime. The facts are unclear and the evidence is insufficient, and the court is requested to declare the defendant not guilty. The prosecutor believes that the criminal facts are clear and the evidence is sufficient.
The defenders emphasize that their claims are valid and their conclusions are valid. After a full investigation, the prosecutor said that we had sufficient reasons to believe that the defendant was guilty, and emphasized that "we, the prosecutor, did not act in vain."
The defender immediately protested: "President, I think. This case is based on facts and the law. As for whether the prosecutor is doing it or not, it has nothing to do with this case. "
Seeing that the two parties were arguing, the judge, in order to ease the atmosphere, said: "There is no need to discuss the issue of dry rice or porridge now. I will treat everyone to noodles at noon. "
5. In the end
Yu Ming
Bai
With the lawyer's vigorous defense, the defendant was finally acquitted.
p>
At the door of the court, the lawyer asked the defendant: "You have been released and we are about to break up." Now please tell me the truth at last. Have you really committed a crime? "
The defendant replied: "Mr. Lawyer, when I heard you gave a wonderful defense for me in court, I knew that I was innocent. "
6. Hugh
Requires remuneration
Remuneration
A lawyer's wife was seriously ill. Before the consultation, she loved money as much as her life. The doctor said to the lawyer: "Can you promise to pay me the consultation fee after I see your wife's illness?" "
The lawyer immediately took out a check from his body and said: "Here is 500 US dollars. Whether you save her life or cure her death, I will pay you the full amount." "
Then, the doctor confidently examined the patient. However, despite his best efforts to save him, the patient died.
Afterwards, the doctor offered to let the lawyer pay him for the diagnosis. Fee.
The lawyer asked him: "Did you kill my wife?"
"Of course not, my diagnosis and medication are correct." The doctor said hurriedly.
"So, was it you who brought her back to life?"
"It's a pity, but I tried my best."
"So, you neither Killing her didn't bring her back to life, did she?"
"Yes, sir". the doctor replied.
"It seems that I don’t have to pay your consultation fee."
1. Donate
A man climbed out of the window on the 31st floor. He looked like he was about to jump off the building to commit suicide. There were people standing at the bottom of the building looking at him.
A policeman and a doctor rushed to the window, and he shouted loudly: "Don't come over, or I will jump right away."
The policeman shook his head and said: "Friend, The doctor asked me to ask you if you would like to donate a kidney after your death. "
2. I can't do anything.
The police caught a thief in the crowd at the market and took him away. Got in front of the judge. It turned out that not long after the thief was released, he committed another crime. The judge said: "Don't you remember I told you that I never want to see you again? Do you remember?" "
3. Digging a hole
The wife of a criminal Asking prison officials to give her husband a slightly easier job
" He complained that he had been feeling very strenuous lately. she explained.
"But he didn't do any work during the day." replied the warden.
"I don't know this, but he told me that he had been digging holes in the wall for several nights."
4.
4. Self-catering
The crime rate in a certain area has dropped dramatically.
After some research, the community finally figured out the reason.
This is what is posted in jails and prisons.
From today on, anyone entering this detention center on suspicion of committing a crime will be responsible for their own food and accommodation.
5. Former janitor
Recently, several more prisoners came to a prison in New York. One day, the warden called them together and said to them: "This is a model prison. We are very democratic. Every prisoner who comes here can continue to do their original job." The prisoners were very happy to hear this. . One of the prisoners suddenly started dancing. The warden quickly asked him: "What did you do before?" The prisoner replied loudly: "Mr. Warden, I used to be a gatekeeper!"
6. Don't be afraid
One day, the police found a little girl wandering the streets alone. She couldn't tell her name or where she lived.
The police had no choice but to start looking through her pockets, hoping to find clues.
The little girl did not resist, but said in a childish voice: "Don't be afraid, I don't have a gun."
7.
7. World Police Athletic Conference
The World Police Athletic Conference was held in South Korea. One of the events was to put a mouse into the mountains and ask the participating teams to catch the mouse back in the shortest time.
The Chinese police team was the first to take the field, and it took them two days to catch the mouse. The Chinese team adopted the human wave tactic to attack and mobilized thousands of police officers.
The second team was the Soviet police, who caught the rat in one day. Here's the secret: The KGB interrogated the rats' relatives beforehand.
The third group was the American police. It only took them two hours to catch the mouse. The American team used a state-of-the-art "thermometer."
Finally, the host South Korean police team appeared. Surprisingly, only one member of the Korean team appeared. What was even more surprising was that this member came back in less than half an hour. But what he brought back was not a mouse, but a bear with a swollen nose.
In the end, the Korean referees unanimously ruled that the Korean team won first place. The referee's decision immediately aroused protests from the leaders of other countries. Seeing this, the referee secretly kicked the bear hard. The bear ran to the leaders of the country with a face full of horror and said: "I am a mouse. I don't look like him." Bear, but I swear I am a mouse! "
8.
8. A robber's confession
A policeman interrogated a robber: Why did you want to rob?
And rape
A woman?
The robber argued: I didn’t!
The police shouted: Do you still dare to quibble? What's going on with this gun?
The robber said: "I went to sell guns. As soon as the gun was taken out, the lady threw the money to me and started to take off her clothes
The police said:" I'm here to sell guns! @#$..........
9. Grandma's
Police Officer A: "There was a man who parked illegally just now.
When I was about to issue a ticket, I casually asked if the car belonged to him. He said no, it belonged to his grandmother. "
Police officer B: "Really?" >Police Officer A: "Yes, when I asked him,
he whispered (his grandma's).
"
10. Useless stuff
The police officer asked a man:
"What do you have in your travel bag?"
"I have the government in my travel bag." "
"What do you think it is?"
"Please open it and let me see it."
So the man opened his travel bag.
Police officer: "What are these useless things?"
The man murmured: "That's what I mean."