As the favorite harvester of the elders, the baby has always been exposed to the wind and rain. Many mothers say that the old people at home spoil their children, which makes them turn a deaf ear to their own words. They say they can't eat snacks or watch TV. Once you get to your grandparents, you will eat unscrupulously, and you can't stop it ... As the saying goes, "each generation is more tempting", and the old people really love their grandchildren more.
So how to avoid eliminating the negative influence of step-by-step parents? How to solve the contradiction between the education of the elderly and their children? Ma Yan came to talk about her views and ideas.
Who is in charge, grasp the big and let go of the small, and adhere to the principle.
Coup 1: whoever takes care of the children is in charge.
If you only let your grandparents watch your children occasionally, or you will be strong until the end, you must abide by your rules, but if you can't, put up with it all. Anyway, it's only an occasional situation. Let the old people and children indulge for a while.
If you need grandparents to take care of your children for a long time, for example, a few days a week, even if your children don't live with them at all, but you will go to see your children on weekends, in fact, grandparents will exercise their parental responsibilities instead of you. Of course, they can only decide how to take care of their children.
Only people who take care of their children all day have this experience. Many times, you don't have to do what you want to do, but you have to cooperate with your child's situation. Since parents leave their children to grandparents for long-term care, they should trust their ways.
Think about it, if you take care of your children all day and are judged and gossiped by others, will you be angry? Your parenting concept can only be implemented if you take care of the children yourself, otherwise you should shut up and you can only shut up.
Coup 2: grasp the big and let go of the small, and communicate sincerely.
You don't believe what it says, do you? Can't your own children make their own decisions? Well, if you really don't like something, then say it. Think twice before you speak, and choose what you think is the most important, so that grandparents will not feel useless.
When you speak, be sincere and respectful. It's best to make grandparents feel that you are discussing solutions with them instead of blaming them. Be patient and meticulous when communicating. First of all, we must affirm the feelings of the elderly for children, especially the contribution of the elderly in educating children.
Under normal circumstances, to avoid direct confrontation between daughter-in-law and in-laws/sons-in-law, whose parents will say, because between parents and children, the speaker can be more relaxed, and the listener is not easy to think about it. Even if he wants to, it is not easy to hold grudges with children.
Coup 3: unify your thinking and adhere to principles.
If the whole family wants to reach a unified educational thought, it must not be disciplined by one side and demolished by the other. The family reached a consensus through consultation. When educating their children, parents asked the elderly to stay out of it and help parents maintain a certain dignity in front of their children, so that children would not be fearless and know how to respect their parents. Secondly, when the two sides have differences, don't expose them in front of the children, so as not to give them luck.
When encountering problems, we must adhere to principles, and we must adhere to our bottom line on some big issues related to the health or safety of our baby, and we must never give in. Although it feels a little unreasonable, you must let your child know which bottom lines must not be touched. Mothers who spit out the elderly should also pay attention to the fact that when encountering such problems, they should bravely stick to their own views and not interrupt normal education for fear of affecting the relationship. This will only make children feel that they have found a backer. Of course, in order to live in harmony between the two sides, we should find a time to avoid active communication between children and the elderly afterwards, and listen humbly when the elderly make some suggestions to minimize positive conflicts.
Please understand why it is easy for old people to get separated.
The first is depravity. We often see some old people show their children's words and deeds, which is called "rejuvenation". This young mentality can easily make the elderly pay more attention to the emotional maintenance of their children and grandchildren.
The second is attachment. Attachment to youth. So the old people are willing to stay with their grandchildren and share their innocent happiness and carefree happiness.
The third is psychological compensation. Old people often feel empty, lost and lonely, and hope to make up for it through some activities, and pin more hope and joy of life on their grandchildren. Moreover, some old people may have left some regrets for their children when they were young, and now they have to make up for them in their grandchildren.
The fourth is identity psychology. Step-by-step parenting doesn't completely mean indifference to children's feelings, but shows love for children in the form of step-by-step parenting.
The fifth is the expectation psychology. When people get old, their expectation psychology is very obvious, and they place their hopes on the third generation. You see, BBK parents have a lot to understand, both negative and positive. Therefore, we should give full play to the positive factors of separated parents and maintain the consistency of children's education.
The past experience of the old people is different from that of our generation, so it is inevitable that there are differences in parenting concepts? It is difficult for us to change an idea ourselves, let alone the inherent cognition of the old people for decades. Parenting disputes with the elderly are common in every family. On the basis of mutual respect, seek common ground while reserving differences, and family harmony should not be affected by raising children! Remember, it is your responsibility to take care of the children. It is love, not obligation, for the elderly to take care of your children, but it is a happy thing to raise your children. There is no stumbling in the middle, please leave a message and express your opinions! (Text from Qinqinbao. com)
The content comes from: Baby Know App User $ Pediatric Baolan Show $