Older people don't want to stay at home every day, so whenever the sun comes out, grandparents in the community come downstairs and sit on the stone bench and chat.
Chatting with the elderly is inseparable from parents' gossip, which is often a family statement and spreads all over the community.
That day, it happened that Aunt Li's family had a happy event, so naturally everyone went to congratulate Aunt Li.
Aunt Li is 60 years old and has given birth to three children, two daughters and one son. In recent years, children have been married one after another, and Aunt Li is also waiting to have grandchildren.
No, my youngest son lived up to expectations. My fat grandson was just born, and Aunt Li got her wish. She shouted for a long time in the community and invited everyone to eat happy noodles together.
Someone asked Aunt Li, "Your daughter-in-law has made meritorious service. Why don't you wait on her for confinement?"
Aunt Li said, "It's all right with her mother's care. I won't bother her. "
Grandma Wang next door said, "Aren't you afraid that your daughter-in-law will call you an evil mother-in-law?"
Aunt Li didn't care: "If there is no evil daughter-in-law, where can there be an evil mother-in-law?" As long as she doesn't play tricks on me, I won't be an eyesore. "
Speaking of which, most of the old people here who are mothers-in-law are a little worried. Everyone generally likes to say that her mother-in-law is not good. Actually, which daughter-in-law is better?
Many old people give up their happiness in their later years in order to take care of their children. At first, they were eager to take care of their children. However, the concept of parenting is different. There is no joy in quarreling every day, and some even divorce their sons, which is really not worth the candle.
So now, smart old people, who can hide, would rather not see it than get angry at the sight.
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In fact, many elderly aunts have been consulting me, wondering if their daughter-in-law has given birth, whether to wait for next month, and what concerns they have.
After listening to some aunts, I can also feel that it is not easy for the elderly to appear. I spent half my life buying a house for my son, and I had to pay a high bride price to get married smoothly. In the end, I couldn't get the favor of my daughter-in-law, and I was accused of being a "bad mother-in-law" if I had a little contradiction.
Then let's see why the old man is unwilling to help his daughter-in-law look after the children.
0 1 The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not familiar, so it is difficult to control the privacy of the daughter-in-law.
When a daughter-in-law gives birth to a child, there will inevitably be a lot of inconvenience. Whether it is going to the toilet or breastfeeding, it is equivalent to exposing her privacy.
Although the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are relatives, they have evolved from strangers and have no emotional foundation. It is really inconvenient to treat some things, which will create an embarrassing atmosphere.
02 Different parenting concepts
The times are developing rapidly, and now we pay attention to scientific parenting.
Young people's parenting methods mostly come from books, while old people still pay attention to experience. I often refute the view of scientific parenting on the grounds of "raising my son well from the beginning"
When the daughter-in-law is dissatisfied with her mother-in-law's concept of parenting, most of her mother-in-law will think, "Since you look down on me everywhere, why should I look after the children?"
So naturally, I don't want to help with my grandchildren.
Mother-in-law is not a mother, and daughter-in-law is not a daughter-in-law. It is not easy to make up with friction.
There is no overnight hatred between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and some contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not easy to let go, mainly because there is no blood relationship and emotional foundation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
There are contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because face will not erupt on the surface, but it will accumulate into a knot.
It is precisely because of the lack of communication between most mother-in-law and daughter-in-law that they are tired of seeing each other.
Especially during confinement, the daughter-in-law is in a sensitive period and may complain if she does not do well. Her mother-in-law is afraid that she will do more and make more mistakes, so she can only stay at a respectful distance from others.
Old people want to enjoy their old age.
It is not incomprehensible that the old man has worked hard all his life until his children get married and retire and want to travel and go out for a walk.
Many grandparents around me often go out to play in groups because of their high pensions. When they are young, they have no time to enjoy life. When they are old, they have money and time. I hope to enjoy it soon.
In this life, people say that nine times out of ten things are not satisfactory. People actually want to be healthy and happy when they get old. Instead of sulking at home for the next year, it is better to pack your bags and go out to see the great rivers and mountains.
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The relationship between family members is mutual support and consumption.
In fact, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that they always want to consume each other, unwilling to consider the problem from each other's point of view, and always take each other's contribution for granted.
Writing here, I seem to understand why my mother-in-law around me is unwilling to help her daughter-in-law with her children. If it were me, I wouldn't risk conflict and be thankless.
On the other hand, many daughters-in-law seem to want their mother-in-law to look after their children, and the same views emerge one after another, such as "revenge of the moon, no clothes" and "if you don't wait on my moon, I won't help you support the elderly".
I don't understand, if it is inevitable for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along, why do they have to be together?
The root of the contradiction between people is that one of them demands too much.
The problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law stems from tradition, respect, the struggle for son/husband, and the ownership of the right to speak, which is difficult to distinguish at the moment.
However, since we are family members, we should understand each other's difficulties. A mother-in-law can't take everything for granted. Daughter-in-law should also know how to advance and retreat, and don't always feel that the elderly don't pay much.
Everything goes well at home. Knowing humility and knowing how to advance and retreat can lead to a harmonious family.
Today's topic: Why do women prefer to let their mother-in-law wait on the next month and have friction every day, rather than let their mother take care of themselves?
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