If the other party hacked or deleted your contact information, it means that TA has emotional ups and downs for you. As soon as you see your heart, you can't do your own thing calmly, so TA chooses to temporarily seal you up by hacking or deleting, so that you don't appear in the world of TA, so that TA has time and space to recover calmly.
Three types of interrupts Interrupt/Delete:
① Blackout/deletion caused by stalking and beating.
When we broke up at that time, maybe TA didn't even think about hacking/deleting all of you. Instead, you made a series of impulsive redemption actions, which made TA feel that it was right to break up with you, and then made up your mind to hack/delete all your contact information!
Maybe you made a lot of phone calls to TA, and even sent text messages to bomb TA. This impulsive behavior will make TA feel depressed and stressed, and then slowly affect his daily life, and all your contact information will be blacked out/deleted, which is also forced by you.
They will even go to their predecessors' home or company, making TA feel scared, and some even threaten to commit suicide. Isn't this intended to push TA further?
So when you are at this time, don't do anything that is too entangled and fighting. TA needs a little space and time to calm down.
(2) vent emotional loss/deletion
This kind of situation is often more radical, and it often happens when you see each other with other members of the opposite sex for a long time, and the relationship is very ambiguous, or when you find that the other party suddenly has a new love, the jealousy in your heart turns over, and you are extremely impulsive to scold each other, leading to black out!
Let's not talk about whether the truth is misunderstood or whether TA really betrayed you. When TA doesn't feel how beneficial and positive energy it is in chatting with you, it just keeps pestering and harassing, then TA will only choose to pull you black.
In this case, the parties often regret it when they are finished. At this time, we suggest to make good use of the existing contact information, apologize to the other party and explain that we will not harass the other party. First, let TA be less resistant to you and treat you coldly recently. If TA comes to contact you actively afterwards, it is still optimistic!
③ Psychological imbalance is black/deleted.
When we broke up, we didn't contact TA, but showed a new life in a circle of friends, and then suddenly blacked out the contact information.
Don't panic at this time, this situation is actually good, because TA sees that you are better than TA, which leads to psychological imbalance. Seeing me in pain here, you seem fine, it must be uncomfortable, hacked/deleted!
When consulting, in the face of blacking out or deleting, our consultants usually ask a question first:
Under what circumstances did TA blacklist/delete you? Instead of immediately sentencing you to death for this relationship.
Did you break up at that time, and under your entanglement, TA chose to blacken/delete?
still
After breaking up, it was calm. Nothing happened, no entanglement, no quarrel. You can't even guess the day when TA suddenly hacked you/deleted you.
Make a ranking according to the severity. Generally speaking:
Severity of interruption after calm breakup > Severity of interruption deletion under intense entanglement.
Black deletion, as we said before, is the reaction of the other party in order not to be affected by your injury for the time being. We also call it PSTD after breaking up. The other party chooses to protect themselves for fear of secondary injury, and chooses black/delete to ensure their own safety.
The reason why blackmail after a peaceful breakup is more serious than intense entanglement is because blackmail after a peaceful breakup is the result of long-term accumulation of negative emotions, which is also commonly known as deep resentment.
I once pointed out in a previous article about redemption that when the negative emotions accumulated by your predecessor are not alleviated for a long time, TA will use extreme escape to fight against the stimulated person, and that person is you.
At this time, although you didn't pester him to create trouble for TA, you also missed the negative emotional counseling stage that was saved in the first time, so it looked calm on the surface, but in fact there was an undercurrent between you.
When TA's negative emotions break out in an all-round way until he retaliates with you by hacking/deleting, you will find that he won't make a fuss. He just looks at you calmly, coldly and painfully after being hacked/deleted.
And the hacking/deletion caused by fierce entanglement and quarrel, in this process, your predecessor will express some negative emotions in his heart because of this process, but why did you hack/delete after the quarrel? This is because you didn't try your best to communicate with each other during the quarrel, so your predecessor will only think that you are an annoying person who can only talk to himself.
So simply understand, hacking in a calm state is silent revenge against you for a long time, while hacking in a fierce entanglement state is a punishment for poor communication and bad speech, which is equivalent to temporarily keeping your mouth shut.
So, when your predecessor hacked you/deleted you, please distinguish what kind of situation you are:
Under intense entanglement, delete: I hate you, punish you, shut you up and can't communicate, but my predecessor has certain confidence in you.
Under the fierce entanglement, Lahei: I hate you, punish you, shut you up and can't communicate, but my predecessor didn't have much confidence in you, and whether to blacklist you was a unilateral decision of TA, so TA didn't trust you that much.
When breaking up peacefully, delete: I have too much resentment towards you, and I will punish you by deleting your behavior after breaking up, but it also hides that TA may want you to notice that TA is angry.
Let's break up peacefully, Lahei: TA has a deep resentment towards you, but she doesn't know what to do with you, so she blacklists you so as not to see you scared and upset.
The recovery difficulty is from high to low:
Under intense entanglement, delete > under intense entanglement, pull black > break up peacefully, delete > break up peacefully, pull black.
The premise of reconnecting in the case of shielding/deleting,
In fact, the way of redemption is somewhat similar to the trilogy of redemption you love, but many times we may need to approach each other first and actively and tentatively add each other's WeChat.
Adding WeChat is a prerequisite, because everyone who wants to save it should remember one thing:
When you re-establish contact with your ex, from the first second after getting back together, your manners, logic, comfort, maturity of understanding the problem and a series of small details about whether the two are not suitable for getting along together will be seen and heard by the other party.
Therefore, before adding your predecessor again, please ensure that the following two conditions are met:
First, make sure that the time when you add his WeChat is the golden period, and the time period is the time period when he is "suitable for being accosted".
There are judgments about the golden age (related pictures are in my article):
Xiaoyao Sister: Xiaoyao Sister talks about saving | How to effectively save the predecessor (10,000 words to save dry goods)
First of all, please understand why we often hope that you can give each other and yourself a certain waiting and cooling-off period when saving.
Once the feelings disappear, it is very difficult to persuade the other party to break up with reason, because love is a mixture of attachment behavior and emotion and cannot be solved by rational means. As far as communication psychology is concerned, the more you try to convince the other party, the more intense the opposition will be. Psychologically, this reaction is called "Bumeilan effect".
The window period is the end stage of the Bumeilan effect. At this stage, your ex's understanding of your previous breakup has cooled from the previous extreme sensibility to calmness. Using the emotional curve, we can grasp the cooling point of the other person's emotions, and even return to the quiet point where reason is no longer based. These periods are important window periods to ignite each other's emotional passion for you.
This also explains why some people chat with their ex, but the other party doesn't mention anything about getting back together.
Because it is very likely that you have missed the window to ignite the other person's confidence and expectation in this relationship, and the other person's heart is essentially calm, and you dare not provoke TA and ignite TA, so that your's feelings will sublimate again, so in the end you can only make yourself completely passive, and it is difficult for the other person to find a reason to say that you love you.
There is a judgment on the time period suitable for being accosted:
The appropriate time to be accosted, also known as the daily mood curve, is that you can roughly judge which days of the week TA may be in a good mood and which time period of the day TA may be in the best mood according to a series of rules such as your predecessor's living habits.
This is the first reunion after breaking up in the best mood of the other party, and the success rate is often the highest.
Second, you found out the fundamental contradiction between you according to the core problem model.
What are the deep-seated problems (long-term factors)?
1, talk destroyer type-referred to as "T type": negative or self-centered way of speaking and thinking is often adopted in getting along, which leads to the accumulation of inner dissatisfaction step by step and eventually breaks up;
2. Pseudo-value-referred to as "V-type": Only under the supervision of a specific person or a specific pressure environment (for example, because you are forced to change for the other party) can you do something that is relatively compatible with your partner's mind. Once your partner gives TA some enthusiasm, it will immediately show its true colors;
3. Emotional failure (fugue imbalance)-referred to as "E": I will not read the needs and emotions behind the other language coldly, and my emotional intelligence is low and my interpersonal sensitivity is poor. My partner must give a clear signal or he will not take the initiative to think;
4. Cheap & Moderate Type (Bai Lianhua)-referred to as C& Type ":I like to set up Bai Lianhua people for myself in my feelings, full of fantasy and naivety about my feelings, see things in black and white, reject gray areas, speak straight, have transparent thoughts, and are easy to see through;
5. Deal-breaker type-referred to as "D" type: without its own sense of frame and principles, it is easy to be rhymed by partners in feelings and will not be released to each other properly and timely.