When it comes to the topic of "talking", I was particularly impressed by one person, that is, Cai Kangyong who has a glib tongue.
Xiao S once commented: "Chatting with Kang will never be stabbed, but will be elated by one or two small praises attached to him, but that feeling is so real and not slippery that it is hard not to love."
Students who have seen Kangxi Coming should be familiar with Cai Kangyong. He is a gold medal host, and the combination partner with Xiao S is even more talked about. In the program, Cai Kangyong can easily solve the embarrassment with words, although Xiao S often talks about "getting into trouble". Cai Kangyong is an attractive man in everyone's eyes, because he is good at talking.
So, what do you mean by talking? Can you talk if you are eloquent or eloquent? In Cai Kangyong's view, in fact, few words but good words can leave a deep impression on people. On some special occasions, what we need is listening instead of talking. "Look at each other in the eyes and take them to heart" is the way to talk.
Cai Kangyong said that practicing oral English is the most cost-effective thing.
In the book "Cai Kangyong's Way of Speaking", he provided 80 cases, taking many daily pictures of life, workplace and so on as examples to sum up his speaking experience. He summarized three kinds of speech applications:
First, how to impress people with words
Cai Kangyong wrote in the book: Make yourself attractive in the future.
"Touching people with words" means not "flattering", but adding some material to your speech, or leaving some suspense, or enriching information, or looking for topics such as food that everyone is most likely to sing, which may give the door of communication a handle.
He gave an example, "Kangxi came" opening:
If he directly says that this is a well-paid job introduction, the plain boiled water will make the audience feel very boring. But he said: Look, there are 10 young people sitting opposite Xiao S. They don't seem to be tortured badly, but why do they get five times as much money as their peers every month?
Touching people with interesting suspense is a speech experience of Cai Kangyong.
Second, how to avoid speaking awkwardly
"Silence" is the most common and unwilling conversation scene for many people. In order to avoid embarrassment, Cai Kangyong used the method of "testing the water temperature" to solve the embarrassment, and he could give a "Tai Chi" response.
What does this mean? In fact, the reason is very simple, that is, to find out what news the other party is interested in.
Sensitive things that people are eager to be praised, it is best to intervene with insensitive things to resolve embarrassment, and sometimes it is just to find a step. For example, a classmate wrote a novel and asked you for comment. In terms of time, you are embarrassed to directly say that the writing is not good. At this time, you can ask the author about a plot or a character of the novel, which saves the need for positive evaluation and can also solve the embarrassment of being invited to evaluate.
Third, how to achieve mutual understanding through speaking.
To achieve a high-level speech, you need to stay up all night, understand each other and feel the same. However, empathy is also exquisite, which is reflected in the nuances of life. For example, the sentence "thank you" contains profound knowledge.
For example, saying "thank you" to the waiter who brought water in a restaurant is different from saying "thank you" to the person who lent you 6,543,800 yuan in despair.
Cai Kangyong also pointed out that empathy has a special situation, that is, when others are angry, crying and seeking comfort, never say: I know how you feel. Pain can only be truly understood by personal experience. If we say "I know how you feel", it's not true. At this time, we just need to listen, not say.
I have read many books that teach people to talk, but I teach skills. Professor Cai Kangyong's way of speaking. The core of Tao lies in figuring out the relationship between oneself and others through speech, and more importantly, figuring out what kind of person you are. He raised his speech to the philosophical level, which was more interesting.