What can I do to keep my marriage?

As the third group of people, faced with the pressure of finding a job after graduation, I once again encountered the test of marriage. My husband told me calmly last night that I can wait for you for a year or two, but if you don't graduate, I will decide to divorce. I am in my thirties. I want a family and a child. The work pressure is great, and my health is getting worse every day. I hope you can share some with me instead of reading these useless books and doing these useless scientific research at school all day. In the face of my husband's ultimatum, I was speechless. Another sleepless night. Today, I am also responsible. It is said that doctoral students in biology are hard to find jobs and have reached the top three in the rankings. Many people choose to go abroad to study for a doctorate, earning only a few dollars squeezed through their teeth, and then continue to study for a doctorate or come back to do scientific research. The life pressure of ordinary people is also great. Domestic colleges and universities are even more overcrowded. I always feel a little sorry that I didn't do scientific research and go abroad for further study after finishing my Ph.D., otherwise, I have been poor and lonely for years, and no one will explain to my white-haired parents. Although it is difficult to find a job, there are many graduate students who have not graduated, and the requirements for doctoral defense are getting higher and higher. My tutor is very strict with his students. With the development of biology, the requirements of the elderly for the influencing factors of SCI articles students' graduation are rising, and many brothers and sisters cannot graduate. * * * In the small workshop behind closed doors all day, we often wonder that it is easy for many laboratory students to graduate, and articles are published quickly, sometimes several times in a row. Before writing an article, we do experiments all day, read literature and collect data when writing an article. We often ask for English exchanges and seminars, and have many opportunities to communicate with foreigners and go out for meetings. However, the article always fails to meet the requirements of our tutor and needs to be revised repeatedly. Finally, we draw the conclusion that the tutor is strict with us, a perfectionist, out of touch with the world, and responsible for science and students. The rigorous scientific research attitude of the tutor has a far-reaching impact on our future scientific research career. Only in this way can Ah Q face the smooth graduation of the students who entered the school, thinking that in this life, as the tutor said, he should have a little pursuit, a little lofty ambition and be willing to bear a little poverty and loneliness. I have great respect for my tutor. Although many people say that he doesn't think about students, I think it is just right for the tutor to put forward these requirements for us from the standpoint of the elderly and scientists. However, in a society with a large population and fierce competition, we have always been at the bottom of society. Faced with the long-term support of your family and the pressure of living in a house and banknotes, these all seem so idealistic and extravagant. Luxury, as a female doctor, my wife ended her marriage with you because of this hope. The tree wants to keep quiet, but the wind will not stop; My son wants to serve his parents when they are old, but they are gone. When I was in high school, I always kept this sentence in mind. So when I worked in Shenzhen for several years and saved a little money to make this request for my husband whose parents bought a house in the town, I promised him without hesitation. Although my husband is just a migrant worker, he didn't get an average monthly salary of 5K, didn't buy a house, didn't have social security and had nothing, but I firmly believe that such a man with a sense of family responsibility is worthy of my life. I was moved by his filial piety. I go home for the Spring Festival every year. I give my husband's grandparents living expenses according to this rule. Of course, most of this money belongs to my husband, because the subsidy for my study is only seven or eight hundred yuan a month. A year ago, my husband set up his own company. Although it is a small company, I am full of trust and confidence in him. I racked my brains to help the company come up with ideas, as well as my parents and brother. My brother is officially helping him, and of course he can learn something himself. My father only helped him draft the company's rules and regulations in his spare time, and my mother later helped him clean up. At first, everyone had a good time. At this time, my husband can hear our suggestions and agree or disagree. The company began to expand and my husband's pressure began to increase. I don't know if this is the reason. As a student in Wuhan, I can't adapt to my husband's speed in Shenzhen. He wants to expand the company and operate it on a large scale, but neither the business personnel nor the management personnel are trained. My husband propped up this stall by himself. As a wife, on the one hand, I feel guilty for not being able to accompany and take care of my husband. On the other hand, I am worried about my husband's increasingly rude temper and strong style. My husband began to find fault, saying that my father's management regulations have not adapted to the development of the company. My opinion is only that a student has no insight. After cleaning, his mother should not mention the problems existing in the company to add to his troubles. My brother sometimes cuts corners when he is disobedient. My husband's younger brothers and sisters are all in Shenzhen, so he began to recruit them, train them and pay them to go to school. I never asked my husband about his money at first, but it took me a long time to find out that I didn't know. My husband not only continues to send money to his hometown, but also gives some subsidies to the surviving brothers and sisters. These subsidies are more than 1000, and the frequency is frequent. Moreover, this kind of treatment is obviously biased, which has attracted the disunity and criticism of the company. As a woman, a married woman, no one can be generous enough to turn a blind eye to all this and let her husband manipulate her, while she has been playing dumb and living such a poor life at school without knowing the economic situation at home. Is there still a wife's status and existence? I have a lot of complaints about this and I have opposed it. I made it clear that my husband was noncommittal. He just said that when you have children, all this will be solved. It's no use losing my temper when I'm angry. He still sticks to his principles. It is these trivial complaints that have become an excuse for her husband's bad temper. In the future, he intensified, telling me nothing, keeping it from me and not letting me know. Including going out to wash feet with friends, never told me that the mobile phone is often disconnected late at night, or has been disconnected. Who can always tolerate this courtesy? Contradictions arise, and the husband no longer calls his father on his own initiative, without saying hello, saying that he is sick when he speaks; I copied my brother's squid and kicked him out of the company. Before I left, I took back all the information and computers I gave him, leaving my 20-year-old brother in Shenzhen. In front of his brother-in-law, reprimanded my mother for not continuing to talk to him about the company. After the table was hit, she still refused to tell me. Of course, he told me all this when he was calm afterwards, because her arrogant mother was respected for teaching all her life and was rude to the younger generation, and returned to her hometown the next day. Forbearance again and again has reached its limit. I attach great importance to this relationship and hope to have a marriage and love of equality and mutual trust. I am more and more depressed with delicate feelings. Concerned about this marriage, because my husband said that separation between the two places is not a problem, and he will go wherever I am; It is the husband who says that both parents need love and care, and they can't favor one over the other; It is the husband who says that he is loyal to the other party and does not cheat or hide; We all promise to stick to it and love each other no matter whether the other is sick or healthy, poor or rich. With the expansion of the company, my husband's ears are getting bigger and bigger. This is his company philosophy. If I were a wife, I can't give some pertinent advice, just say some support and encouragement. I feel hypocritical. Support is necessary, but it is my duty to ask him questions. But I was wrong. I overestimated my personal charm and my husband's generosity. He also lost the attitude and reason that a senior intellectual should have in the face of feelings. My husband's indifference and strength gradually made me lose patience. I started to say some extreme things in my text messages, such as you are too conceited to listen, how did you get married before, how did you get married, and the quality of our marriage was too poor. These words repeatedly angered him and caused him. Then it was turned off all night, and the cold war ended. In the final analysis, marriage is very important in a woman's life, even if she is a doctor. If I had known today, why did I have to study for this doctor? I got this lonely ending alone. After a period of cold war, my husband said that you live a relaxed life at school every day. I'm under a lot of pressure here I need someone to take care of me. I need a home and a child. I am old, and my youth can't bear it. If you don't graduate with children, I'm really getting a divorce. My husband's starting point is right. He needs, he needs, he needs ... but in the process, do I need it? Can I solve this problem alone? Isn't everyone suffering from separation? I don't want to have a child, a warm home, and graduate from work early? I mentioned these difficulties before I got married. I think getting married too early is not good for everyone, but my husband once vowed that it has nothing to do with me. Getting married is good for me. He will solve these things. I am really helpless. I don't know whether this marriage should continue. If I want to win my husband on the premise of giving up my education and career, how long can he wait when our marriage is no longer facing separation but disease and poverty? I just lost confidence. In this process, there are many things that I can't control. We are all angels without wings. Only by relying on each other can we fly to the ideal heaven. But my heaven, where is she? But in the process, do I need it? Can I solve this problem alone? Isn't everyone suffering from separation? I don't want to have a child, a warm home, and graduate from work early? I mentioned these difficulties before I got married. I think getting married too early is not good for everyone, but my husband once vowed that it has nothing to do with me. Getting married is good for me. He will solve these things. I am really helpless. I don't know whether this marriage should continue. If I want to win my husband on the premise of giving up my education and career, how long can he wait when our marriage is no longer facing separation but disease and poverty? I just lost confidence. In this process, there are many things that I can't control. We are all angels without wings. Only by relying on each other can we fly to the ideal heaven. But my heaven, where is she? Source: Netease Women's Forum Editor: Zhang Qian [Entering Emotional Forum]