Since I ran out of the field of love, I found that many people were confused by extramarital affairs. When it comes to the root, it is the word "love". To put it bluntly, the men and women outside have feelings and are in a dilemma for the feelings at home and outside.
I firmly believe that everyone has seen a saying: _ There is an impenetrable wall. If you want people to understand it, you must do it yourself.
Men spend all their time cheating in marriage, after all, they are unintentional to married lovers. After a long time, the affair will be discovered by the head office. At best, arguments or fights are inevitable. In the worst case, divorce, division of assets, and divorce without leaving home are also objective facts.
Therefore, extramarital affairs are harmful to the family and themselves.
A woman came to talk to me with tearful eyes. After listening to it, I resolutely refused.
The reason is that she is a third party. She has been with a man for three years. Finally, the man chose the master room. She felt unwilling. Why did she get married after three years of youth? She wants me to help her keep that man. How to alleviate the fear of her husband's derailment?
Because I didn't take over, the raw materials were limited. In short, it was men who chose to return to China. If we say that men chose tolerance and men chose a separate third party to return to China, then at first glance, the result is still satisfactory. After all, shoes are the soles that you wear, and you won't know until it fits.
Mr. Hu will be miserable Why did I say he was miserable? Because the third party continues to pester, the wife has a lot of evidence of her infidelity. Once divorced, he will not leave home, or even lose custody of his children.
He told me: "I fell in love with another woman for a while, and the woman promised that I just needed to love her." Who would have thought that the more she wanted, not only forced me to divorce, but also caused all kinds of troubles. In the end, I had no choice but to go back to China separately, but she came to the door and showed all the photos and transfers to my wife. Now my wife has a lot of evidence of my cheating and divorce.
It is said that an affair may be pleasant for a while, but I can't bear the security risks left by Mi. On the other hand, Mr Hu is a very typical example. He thinks that he met a woman who was kind to him during his marriage, and he is very calm, but the objective fact is "inviting wolves into the room."
Mr. Zhang has been with his lover for 4 years. He told me that his relationship with his wife was not very good, which caused a lot of negative emotions that could not be alleviated. However, the appearance of his lover seems to be a glimmer of hope in his life.
However, due to the changes of the times, problems in marriage life also occur in extramarital affairs. Teacher Zhang said, "I'm sorry, teacher. I thought that married life was unhappy and extramarital affairs would make me happy, but I found that problems after marriage would also appear. "
After a detailed chat, I gradually realized that Mr. Zhang and his wife have been arguing about trifles, and his wife probably likes to ramble and be petty, so Mr. Zhang is a little at a loss. At this time, the lover happened, and the lover's understanding attracted him, so he began a relationship for nearly four years.
However, during the four and a half years here, he also had an argument with his lover, even more fierce than with his wife, and the most practical words of his lover were: "I changed my name with you, but you are still so kind to me." This sentence has become a big stone in Mr. Zhang's heart. He felt that extramarital affairs made our work more and more stressful, so he clearly proposed to separate from his lover.
However, the lover was arrogant and unreasonable, and finally got involved in Mr. Zhang's business. The wife who got into trouble also knew, so the wife clearly proposed a divorce. No matter what Mr. Zhang asked, his wife was not tolerant, and the lover here, seeing that things were not good, hacked Mr. Zhang and left.
From these two examples, it can be seen that extramarital affairs do have good results. Lovers may get away with it immediately, but men have to bear many unbearable results.
Extramarital affairs may look beautiful, but they are poisonous to eat, and lovers don't necessarily see everything so well.
Extramarital affairs are the trap of a snake's heart. Once in, it is the main room, not itself, that causes profound harm, and the lover only bears the social moral reprimand.
No matter how good a lover is, she is also a woman. She is not a saint, but a woman. She cares about her youth. As an emotional counselor, I have seen too many long-term love, but I have never seen any third party love a man for a long time.
Because the love of the third party is funded by the main force, imagine why she chose you? Instead of picking someone else? Because you have the main funds she needs. For example, money, influence and dominance are all related to her rights and interests.
She knows what you like and what you can give. She knows that if she asks for it, you may soon expose her purpose and leave, so she will use your weakness to win everything she wants.
And the phrase "I don't want anything, I just need to be by your side" is like setting a trap for men. Simply put, a man's weakness is his desire for protection. Therefore, only by showing her main grievances can she impress your desire for protection.
She will try her best to split your satisfaction with your married life and the reliability of your family, until one day, she tells you that if you don't get a divorce, I will force you to leave.
Maybe in the marriage life, you can't get Tang Huo's understanding in law, and your requirements can't be met. Perhaps, in the lover, you can find a sense of accomplishment, and you can find the feeling of being understood by others. But this achievement must bear a great price, and the price is that you can find that the problems you encounter after marriage still exist, and what you legally feel in Tang Huo will still be in your lover's body.
Men think that they can find a reasonable partner in extramarital affairs, but because they have been together for a long time, these unimportant things will still exist. Men, on the other hand, are equivalent to experiencing another disappointment after marriage.
I always say that men don't have to worry about doing different things with different friends of the opposite sex. Instead, they have to do different things with one person. I mean, I hope Bian Xiao can treat marriage correctly and endure divorce. The other is that after a long time, extramarital affairs will still go wrong. You can see that it is very similar to marriage.
Many men tell their wives about their differences after marriage, and their wives always say, "Don't worry, I can always understand you." Remember, _ who always knows who, because everyone is the support point of demand and profit, especially the third party. Once her needs and rights change, she will become a bitter and unreasonable woman. So why not always know?
At that time, you will be in a dilemma, on the one hand, the intransigence of the third party, on the other hand, the divorced wife is black and blue. You can find that, in fact, the third party is formed only for rights and interests, and dispersed because of interests. It's just that the wife is only interested in you.
This is a common way for a third party to say "please don't say too much, I am willing to do all this". It pushes you away from the main position of social morality.
On the surface, I look calm and calm. I just want you to know that I am young and you can't miss it. To put it simply, I simply put pressure on you and told you not to leave me. I've invested a lot in you. You need to be sorry for me, you will always be a sinner.
Some men will be very worried when dealing with this situation. On the one hand, they will give their hard-working wives, on the other hand, they will hide their lovers for many years. No matter who you choose, you may end up with a slap in the face.
Imagine that your wife can't tolerate your betrayal easily. As a third party, there is already a bottom line. Do you really want her to be with you all your life? Once, after spending some time with you, I turned to look at someone else's arm.
Just like a good friend of mine, in an extramarital affair, she chose a third party with the heart of spending the rest of her life with it. However, after two years of marriage, her life was not only broken, but finally a third party cheated on her.
For men, this is also a painful lesson. Not only did he lose his warm home, but he was also turned against by a third party and became an army. He stole the chicken and wasted the rice, and finally the bamboo basket was empty.
Extramarital affairs _ with a good result, you don't have to arbitrarily think that a third party can keep you happy. Because a woman who loses the bottom line and destroys other people's homes can't give you happiness, but as long as you live, there will be friction and differences. You can't guarantee that the third party will do better than the first house, can you? In the end, it is very likely that white sesame seeds will throw melons.
Men who have an affair are actually attributed to cognitive dissonance and feel happier and happier with a third party. Why not imagine that you were very happy when you first fell in love with your wife, but in later marriage, as time went on, there were more and more differences, and finally your life became a chicken feather.
So you need to adjust your cognitive ability first, and make clear who you are with. Everyone's marriage life is not smooth sailing. I have met many lovers who love each other, and they also have differences and problems. Your first thought should be to solve difficulties and contradictions, not to choose another person.
Then I made a picture with my wife in a sincere attitude: "I understand that I will not have an affair. I hurt you and ruined the relationship between husband and wife. I lost your trust and your love, but I really want to get it back. I understand that I want to change it. Even if you don't believe in yourself now, you can look at my behavior. "
Then appease the other person's mentality: "I understand that this incident has made you very painful and heartbroken. Chances are you think this will happen to you. You have invested a lot in your marriage these years, but I have wronged you so much. Can you vent with me, don't hold it in yourself? If you are willing to give me a chance, I will do well. If you get divorced, I value my situation very much. Who wants me to hurt you? "
If your heart is sincere, I firmly believe that she will want to give you another chance, whether it comes from love or marriage, but there will be an observation period to see if you will change. Therefore, in this link, in addition to changing the status quo, you should pay more attention to someone's emotional changes and immediately comfort them.
In fact, every wife, when the husband who is having an affair wants to go home, the first reaction is: "What should you do with the third party?" So you should also properly handle the relationship with the third party, and don't let the third party become the producer who destroys your marriage again.
That is, if you already have the heart to repent, then _ you need to completely cut off contact with the third party. If she pesters you again, why don't you tell your wife to unite with you to resist the damage of a third party and promise her service? Now that you are one with her, you are looking forward to dealing with the third party quickly and living a good life with you.
You can have a heart-to-heart talk with your wife, for example, tell her honestly why you are having an affair.
Since this is an unfounded relationship between husband and wife, you need to think about yourself, what you are dissatisfied with your current marriage life, and what you think is impossible for the other party, and deeply analyze why you have an affair.
Later, I can say to my wife, "The affair is all my fault. I want to admit it, but I also want to understand during this time. It is very likely that I am not very satisfied with the relationship between husband and wife today, so I will have an affair. I won't make myself wrong again, so I really want to use hello to solve the problem. Can we adjust each other, even for a better marriage in the future? "
Whether it is a man who is having an affair or a woman who finds herself having an affair, as long as she wants to have another relationship, then _ needs to deal with the fundamental problem of cheating or being cheated. Only by solving the fundamental problem can the bad feelings between two people fade away. In this link, we can find such requirements, find unreasonable places in our marriage life, actively correct them, and make diligent changes in the same direction, so as to save our marriage.
How to alleviate the fear of her husband's derailment? As a man who is having an affair, you should not only deal with the fundamental problems, but also stimulate your wife's mentality and convince her that you really know your mistakes and correct them. You really want to make some adjustments for your future marriage.