Narrator: Mei Qing.
Age: 35 years old
Occupation: Clerk
(The characters in the story are all pseudonyms)
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Sister Yan: What caused you to separate from your husband? What happened between you two?
Green plum:
My husband and I have been separated for some time. During this time, my husband has been begging me to go home. He admitted that he didn't do well enough, but he refused to admit that he was wrong. In his opinion, he did better than many men around him. I don't think he realized that he had hurt me and our feelings.
Speaking of which, I always think that my husband Ming Lu is a man who pursues perfection and is also very manly. After so many years of marriage, he always gives me the feeling that I am not his most satisfied woman.
He always said that I was not gentle and careful enough. The origin of this matter began more than ten years ago, when we were still in college. One weekend, my best friend in high school invited me to visit Beijing. I said hello to Minglu and went there.
After coming back, Ming Lu didn't pick me up for several days and ignored me. Later, I took the initiative to find him, and he told me that he thought it was incredible and difficult for a little girl to go abroad alone. He thinks little girls should be timid and cautious.
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Sister Yan: Besides, are there any other contradictions in the process of getting along with you?
Green plum:
We started to fall in love, often because of similar minor contradictions, but we finally got married. Ming Lujing often said that our marriage was an arranged marriage. He chose me because his family and friends thought I was very good. However, from the dribs and drabs after our life together, I can always feel that Ming Lu doesn't really like me or appreciate me, and there are many dissatisfaction with me in his manners.
For example, when I first got married, I went to his house on holidays and didn't know what to buy. Remind me every time that it's New Year. You should buy a dress for your mother and some food for your nephew and niece. Every time I come back from shopping under his reminder, I am not happy. I always feel that I am not qualified to be a wife. These things should be thought of without his reminding.
Relatives and friends also have parties. Every time we come back, we will definitely quarrel, because he always says what I shouldn't say and how to do it. And every time it is a class, I will remind myself to change it at first, but I am angry because he has taught me more times. I said, since it's not good to dislike me, it's not good. Don't call me at the next party. He was angry, too, and said you thought I was willing to call you. In this way, two people are always in a bad mood.
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Sister Yan: This kind of disapproval is really sad. Have you expressed your feelings to him?
Green plum:
In fact, what I can't stand most is that Ming Lu likes to compare me with the women he knows. For example, he would say that his cousin is good, elegant and like a lady; His sister-in-law is very scheming, good at dealing with people, quick in response, smooth in handling things and so on. I can imagine what kind of pressure I will bear in my heart by being compared like this.
Everything he said at the beginning would make me feel inferior deeply, but because I love him, I try to change myself. I tried to be docile and satisfy him, but I felt very depressed and tired, and even had the idea of getting rid of this life.
Later, I talked to him, and I said, I chose you, and you are my best husband. Of course there are men better than you, but that doesn't belong to me. You always compare my shortcomings and disadvantages with the advantages of other women. I'm so tired. The other half of our marriage is not tailor-made for us by God, but also needs mutual tolerance and running-in.
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Sister Yan: Can he listen to what you say? Did your communication achieve the expected effect?
Green plum:
I also asked the way, if your other half were someone like your cousin or sister-in-law, would they choose you? Would you choose to live with them? I hope I can learn their advantages, but you want me to be what you want. I'm a little overwhelmed and unhappy. Look at your colleagues and classmates. Are their wives perfect? But they are also very happy. Ming Lu can never agree with me.
I can realize that Ming Lu is trying to shape me and make me the perfect woman in his imagination. For example, understanding, gentleness and understanding. He once said a classic sentence, "Men don't need your love, they need your understanding." Don't talk when a man is upset. Put a glass of water next to him. That's enough. He said: If you touch a stone with an egg, it will surely break. Wouldn't it be all right if you threw the eggs into the cotton pile? "I asked him, why do you want me to be a cotton pile every time? He was angry when I said this, as if I hadn't eaten oil and salt.
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Sister Yan: Other than that, do you agree to housework?
Green plum:
Besides, Ming Lu also wants me to clean the windows at home every day, keep the clothes in the closet clean and tidy, make the kitchen bright and bright, and make the bedroom warm and comfortable. At first, I worked hard. But slowly, you will find that as soon as you clean up here, he and the children there are in chaos again. All day, you feel that you are always cleaning up, but you will never meet his requirements.
When Ming Lu is not busy, he sometimes helps me clean up. But he always nags at the same time, not because it is dirty here or because it is not done well there. I know that at this time, I should encourage him and praise him. But as soon as I hear his nagging, my nameless fire will come out.
Later, I reached an agreement with him: otherwise, don't do it, please shut up. If you are willing to do it, you have to change your way of speaking. Don't always use that accusing tone. I can't take it anymore.
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Sister Yan: After so many years of marriage, has the running-in between you worked?
Green plum:
I have to admit that he has changed a lot after so many years of running-in. I often instill this idea in the open road. I said, it's really gentle that you like those little women, but such women generally have poor living ability. If you are away on business, she calls you every day, and this one at home is broken and that one is gone, which makes you have no mood to work every day. Will such a woman be the best candidate for your wife? You want a woman who can live independently and is gentle enough for you. I dare not say that such a woman does not exist, but if she does, it may not belong to you.
After more than ten years of marriage, I seldom hear my husband praise me. I remember when I first got married, I said that I wanted to take the postgraduate exam when I had no children. Husband said, what do you think anyone can take? Let's get back to work.
I didn't listen to him. Two years later, I got my master's degree certificate. Our unit is full of talents, and there are many college students and graduate students who graduated from famous brands. My third-rate college diploma has no advantage at all. Minglu always thinks that it is good for me to be an ordinary clerk in my life, and I have no ability to do better. However, I am highly motivated and unwilling to be mediocre. My efforts have finally been recognized by the leaders. Three years ago, I got a promotion.
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Sister Yan: Your enthusiasm has paid off. Has your husband changed his attitude towards you?
Green plum:
Then I began to want to study psychology. Ming Lu sarcastically told me that you still want to be a counselor because of your childish psychology, so adjust yourself first. I used to feel inferior or ignore his taunts. But I said to him calmly that day, you said I couldn't get the graduate diploma, but I did; You said I couldn't get promoted. I got promoted. You said I couldn't get the qualification certificate, so I will definitely bring it. Actually, I really appreciate you. If it weren't for your creation, I wouldn't be who I am today. After I said these words, Mingmu never said anything.
In this way, I stumbled until my daughter was born. I still think that children play a vital role in marriage. Since having children, my relationship with my husband seems to be much more stable. But his work is still very busy and he often needs to travel. Even if I come back once, I always keep calling. All for work. And every time I come back, I am unkempt and unshaven. I know he is also for this family, but he is also very distressed.
(The story is not finished, continue tomorrow)
This article is arranged according to the protagonist's dictation. Originality is not easy. Please don't copy. If you also have emotional experience and want to talk about it, you can trust me privately.
Text/Hebei Youth Daily reporter Pi Xueyan
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