At 2 o'clock sharp, the front desk took Xiao Fang into the consulting room.
Xiao Fang, 38 years old, female. There is a child, a single mother. Not a single mother, because she lives with a man ten years older than her, but Xiao Fang is not the only woman among men.
Xiao Fang is the third child in life. In the past two years, the man found another woman, spent more time with that woman, and gave birth to a child.
Xiao Fang was unwilling to be taken away from his "own" and wanted to get it back, but it was difficult. Xiao Fang was so anxious that her friends wouldn't listen to her persuasion. Finally, she was taken to the consulting room.
Xiao Fang comes from a mountain family. There are three children at home. She is the second child, an elder sister and a younger brother, two years younger than her.
After her brother was born, she was sent to her grandfather's house across the river. From then on, grandparents brought her up. She seldom goes home. Her father will visit her at grandpa's house every once in a while, and her mother seldom visits her.
Xiao Fang's memory of home is the village across the river. When I was in junior high school, my grandparents died one after another. Xiao Fang moved to school and no one took care of her. There was a studio in the school that needed someone to look after, so Xiao Fang took the responsibility and moved into the studio to help the school look after the equipment.
When night falls, the school is empty. Xiaofang cooks for herself alone in the studio with an electric stove.
Xiaofang said that when he was alone at school, he didn't feel lonely. Unwilling to go home. She feels boring at home, her mother doesn't like her, her sister will quarrel with her, her brother will rob her, and no one at home likes her. Only when she thought of her father did she feel a little warm.
Later, Xiao Fang was admitted to the university, during which his father died. After that, she seldom went home. She only goes home in Tomb-Sweeping Day every year. When she gets home, she always goes to her father's grave for a long time and then goes home.
The time at home is also very short. When I left home several times, I had a big fight with my mother and sister.
Xiao Fang's later married life was not happy. 1 The marriage ended soon. The last reason was that her mother-in-law told her a little thing, and Xiao Fang got divorced in a rage.
Later, Xiao Fang worked outside alone. There is a man in the company who is older than her and has been taking care of her life. She felt comfortable with the old people, but they didn't go to the palace of marriage.
Later, the man left her, and Xiao Fang once again embarked on a lonely life. She seems to be the only one in the vast sea of people. In the bustling metropolis, it feels like she is alone in the studio at night in junior high school.
Later, she met this man now. The man has a family, but he cares about her. They live together and have a child. Xiao Fang doesn't mind her position as hostess. She doesn't want anything from men. This situation lasted for several years.
Later, the man left Xiao Fang and found a third woman.
Asked why the man left her, Xiao Fang said that the man said I gave him too many constraints.
Ask her what kind of constraints. She said that she wanted the man to spend more time with her and her children, just like her husband, so he left her.
Counting down, Xiao Fang has three intimate relationships with the opposite sex.
1 The marriage is normal, and the man is about her age and loves her very much. But it is a normal marriage, which is extremely abnormal for Xiao Fang. This is not her familiar life.
Everyone has his own life in consciousness, but the actual life is determined by the subconscious. Xiao Fang's subconscious intimacy is lonely, cold and unreliable.
Xiao Fang left home when she was very young. Left her immediate caregivers, her mother and father. She has not yet established a normal intimate relationship with her parents. And this abnormal intimacy will affect the relationship between her and her spouse in marriage.
Lack of family warmth. The intimate relationships experienced since childhood are cold, competitive and unreliable. When she entered a normal emotional life, she was surprised that the other party gave her warmth. This is not her familiar life.
So she quickly found a reason to end the marriage. In other words, the normal life in the eyes of others is abnormal in the eyes of Xiao Fang.
With this explanation, Yan stopped talking and looked at Xiao Fang. Xiao Fang looked at the consultant and was silent. As if immersed in memories.
It began to rain outside the window, and suddenly it turned into a downpour, which washed away the green trees outside the window and made a noise.
After a while, Xiao Fang looked up at Yan Ming and said in a trembling voice, Go on, teacher.
The intimate relationship in the second paragraph reflects Xiao Fang's love for his father.
Because Xiao Fang didn't live at home since she was a child, only her father came to visit her occasionally. She is eager to meet her father and establish a close relationship with him. But the meeting time is very short, so she can't meet whenever she wants.
More serious than loving dad, you can't love. The occasional father can't meet her needs. This situation caused her to be much older than her in the last two intimate relationships, as if to make up for the fatherly love she once lacked.
Xiao Fang's third love affair reflects the competitive relationship between her sister and brother.
She is the second of three children in the family. Her brother's birth is close to her. In this way, she faced fierce competition for the love of her parents since she was a child. Sadly, in this competition, her parents sent her to her grandparents' home, which caused her to lose the chance to win. She is a loser in the competition.
In the third intimate relationship, she put herself in the position of mistress. It has nothing to do with morality. She put herself in the position of a competitor. She wants to compete with other women for a man, just as she wants to compete with her sister and brother for the love of her parents.
When she was a child, she felt depressed in the competition. Now she will make up for it with the living conditions in her marriage. This man satisfied her loving father, competitive and unstable intimate relationship.
As time went on, Xiao Fang changed, and she longed for men to accompany her for longer. At first, she hoped to be inclined to a normal life, but this normal life is not something a man can give her. The man felt the pressure from Xiao Fang, which led him to leave Xiao Fang.
My friend advised Xiaofang to make it clear that the man is love rat. Xiao Fang himself knows that the man is love rat and unreliable.
But subconsciously, they reject the normal intimate relationship, long for the older opposite sex and long for the competitive relationship. These desires led her to insist on this abnormal intimate relationship.
For Xiao Fang, it is only necessary to see clearly the contents of her subconscious mind and the reasons for the decisions made in each relationship. When she can understand this, she will have a chance to change.
These reasons come from her family and her past. Change doesn't happen overnight, you have to wait and live again.
To find an environment of love, experience it again with the nourishment of love. Many outlooks on life need to be revised.
It is a disaster for her to let a person who has never loved or loved accept a loving environment rashly. Emotional acceptance of change is more difficult than theoretical understanding.
Xiao Fang's personality and marriage concept are deeply branded with family.
People can't choose their own family, but they can choose their own life. The premise is to recognize the brand of the family.