Happy families are all the same, but unhappy families are different. It's normal for life to have ups and downs, and maybe you will think that's all when you look back on it many years later.
1 1 I met my current husband years ago, gave up the job recommended by the school and went back to a small city to start a business with him. A year later, the business failed and he owed about 50,000 yuan. Rent a house of 5 square meters, eat cabbage and potatoes, find a job and spend that difficult time. A year later, I got married naked with debt, no house and no wedding. I rented an embryo room for 500 yuan in January and entered the marriage hall. Six months later, I paid off my debts and became pregnant with a child. My husband's work was not smooth, and he borrowed money when he gave birth. Then step by step to resign and set up a stall. After three years, I saved one or two thousand yuan and bought a second-hand house with zero down payment. I thought life was getting better little by little. The year before last, my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and was hospitalized for a whole year and a half for chemotherapy. The cost is staggering. In order to earn more money, my husband borrowed hundreds of thousands of jobs and was cheated. My father-in-law's medical expenses, loan repayment, mortgage and children's tuition are tens of thousands of expenses every month. The days suddenly returned to freezing point. At that time, I couldn't accept this blow and thought about divorce. More than ten years of youth brought nothing, and nothing was earned hard. I've thought about it for a long time, but I still don't want my child to have no father in the future. Now my father-in-law has been discharged from the hospital for half a year, and his health is much better. He stopped using chemotherapy, and the cost was reduced by more than half. Although there is still a lot of debt, everything is improving. I believe that the hard days will pass. Don't think about anything now, try to make money, and everything will pass. Let's cheer together! ! ! !
I hope you can see my story and give you some comfort and encouragement. Come on! !
I think I am the most qualified to answer your question, because my experience has some similarities with yours. The difference is that I am a man and you are a woman.
In 2004, I started a business in Hangzhou. The company was small at first, but with my own efforts, the annual profit gradually increased. I bought a house in Nanjing in 2005. In 2006, I officially registered my marriage with my girlfriend in Nanjing. In 2007, my daughter was born, and the days passed in an orderly way. Driving back and forth between Nanjing and Hangzhou every week, everything is in good order.
It was not until around 20 14 that I fell in love with mahjong in Hangzhou. One is to play mahjong with friends in a circle of friends. The game is not too big. At this time, life began to get worse.
First of all, because of this bad habit, people not only become lazy, but also become decadent, and almost no longer focus on the management of the company. In addition, they intensified and began to gamble with outsiders, and the gambling money was getting bigger and bigger. During this period, almost all my savings were squandered by me. Later, I began to borrow money, and later persuaded my wife to start lending, saying that it was used for company investment. In this way, I fell into the mire of perdition.
My wife finally found out about my gambling, and of course she was angry. Later, her parents also found out, and their family began to denounce me. My wife and her mother even rushed to my hometown, took my loan contract documents and scolded my parents. The implication is that I am a failure and my parents are to blame. At that time, I learned the situation and drove back to my hometown in Nantong in a hurry to meet my parents who had never seen the world.
In addition, my mother-in-law broke a plate during the dinner, and my fire surged up at once, immediately ordering mother and daughter to leave.
This has always been a knotty knot in my heart, and I feel that my marriage with my wife has come to an end.
After that, I began to stay in Hangzhou and Nanjing for a long time, and I didn't miss it at all.
During the period, I went back to Nanjing for my daughter's junior high school district and sold the original house. Sold 2.5 million, spent 6.5438+0.8 million, sold a 60-square-meter school district in Gulou District, and sent her daughter to middle school.
The house payment was completely controlled by my wife, and she only gave me about100000, which was a drop in the bucket for my debts outside. I'm struggling to live, robbing Peter to pay Paul, and I'm dying.
20 16 1 1, my wife and I officially divorced at the Gulou civil affairs bureau.
Divorce is simple. Considering that my daughter is going to middle school soon and needs a school district room, I have no requirement for a house at all.
The only requirement is to give me 200 thousand first, so that I can pay some debts, because I can't breathe.
The divorce agreement is also simple. The house belongs to the woman, and the woman paid another100000 yuan as compensation, but it was this100000 yuan, and I didn't even see a hair after I got the divorce certificate.
Now I'm still alive, and I'm sad. I don't blame anyone, because everything started with me, and I don't want to claim my rights, because I don't want my daughter to leave a psychological shadow because of her parents' unhappiness.
Now, I have basically paid off all my debts. Although I still live alone, I feel much calmer. I just often think of the life that fell to the bottom of my life. I also asked myself, what made me get through those days? At that time, I even wavered the idea of living. ...
What should I do if I encounter a hurdle that I can't get through?
My answer is, run!
Yes, escape, escape sometimes can't solve the problem, but at least it can give your tired mind a chance to breathe.
When I was most helpless, I drove to Huangshan alone in the middle of the night, took the train away from the southwest to see the scenery along the way, and felt pain and happiness alone.
Because of this, I jumped out and stopped indulging in the painful past. Sometimes, you must not underestimate lingering. We are just mortals and nobody. Fearless spirit is necessary, but not necessary. Just broken, bending is not only a kind of submission, but also a kind of flexibility and appropriate escape, which frees us from thousands of things!
So go into battle lightly!
This hurdle depends on what it is. My father always told me that there are many bumps in life and it is impossible to have smooth sailing! Only by taking music as the line can we achieve our goal! When you encounter a bumpy road that you can't get through, go around from the side. Twists and turns After a while, when you get close to your goal, you will feel that the ups and downs at that time are just the polishing of life! You will find a new goal painfully, and you have to go through the ups and downs for the happy life of your family! However, as long as you are self-disciplined, keep your goals in mind, don't give up easily, and take music as the line. You'll succeed.
First of all, to be honest, I admire you very much, because you are a strong woman and a responsible woman! Ordinary people, especially women, will collapse or even die in your situation, but you are not, sticking to the trust of your family and insisting on the repayment of heavy debts! Keep on carrying the load, and I will practice for you faithfully here!
Just because the ex-husband refuses to pay his debts doesn't mean that he can evade paying his debts by playing tricks on him. His debt is always his, not yours. Therefore, you don't have to worry about his refusal to pay the debt. You don't have to pay his debt, and you don't have to pay it. This law is definitely on your side. Please let go, don't be extra anxious! All you have to do is pay back 320 thousand in your own name
320,000 yuan is really a bit much for a woman. It's normal for you to stay awake at night, but please take it easy, put yourself in the other's shoes, and treat the debt as a mortgage and a car loan! This may make you relaxed! Maybe you will scoff and say that I am not afraid of backache when I stand, but what if you don't think so? I'm just saying, it will release some pressure on you!
Make a long-term debt repayment plan, and estimate how many years, how much money will be paid in one year and how much money will be paid in one month according to your own income! Then take a month as the goal, go to work, live, how to raise children, and how to take care of parents. The standard is definitely lowered, but this love has not decreased!
In short, we must pay attention to rest and health, and we must not overdraw our physical strength, despite the heavy workload. Take care of yourself! Only when you are in good health can you continue to pay your debts and take care of your parents and children!
Sunshine always comes after the storm, although it will last longer, but it will come eventually! I wish you a smiling face that challenges the future. All hardships are wealth!
Looking forward to the perfection after Du Jie.
There is no doubt that you are kind and willing to take responsibility. But I didn't get the favor of life for the time being, and unfortunately I got a bad card.
Fortunately, you don't want to implicate your family, which shows that you are grateful.
With these precious qualities, we will certainly be able to hold up a bright future.
I suggest that you communicate with the debtor about 300,000 yuan first, and reach an agreement on installment repayment (for unnecessary dunning and disturbing the mood and planning), and then try to make money bit by bit. When more than 300,000 yuan turned into 200,000 yuan, and when 200,000 yuan turned into 20,000 yuan, until it was cleared, I think you not only paid off your debts and kept your blessings, but also exercised your earning power and brand-new lifestyle.
All the hardships of today's life are condensed into today, and through this robbery, a better tomorrow will be ushered in.
Come on! [Come on]
There are two major problems before us, one is psychological and the other is material.
Let's start with psychological problems. I think you handled it well. When you are sad, you can quickly find spiritual motivation by thinking of children's smiling faces, parents' nurturing grace, sisters' affection and so on.
In addition, I suggest that when you feel low in psychological energy, you should go outdoors more and get close to nature. Because the energy of nature is very peaceful and inclusive. Breathe more fresh air, concentrate on breathing when you are upset, and practice emptying your brain, even for a few minutes every day, which will be very helpful for the adjustment of your mentality.
Let's talk about the material problem. Working hard and desperately hoping to pay off debts is actually a hurdle for many people. But why did it appear? It seems that you are working hard and tired, but it seems that you just haven't improved your situation, and you will feel more and more pressure.
Because when people's attention is focused on negative energy events or things, even if the actions being taken at the moment are trying, they will go astray.
For example, although a person works hard to earn money and even holds several jobs every day, his attention is focused on the bills that arrive on schedule every month and make people feel like Alexander. Then, this person's energy every day is actually very heavy.
So the more stressed he is, the more he will pay attention to the events that have happened or may make him unable to pay the bill in the future. Because everyone's attention is limited, he can't put enough energy into those aspects that can really change the predicament.
For example, if he can spend more time and energy on one of the three jobs he does part-time every day, he can be promoted to a higher level and get higher pay. In this way, the remaining two copies can actually be discarded.
But because he panicked and only stared at the figures on the account, he was just numb and hard, and he didn't have the energy to think about other possibilities. It's like a drowning person who will resist the approaching lifeguard because of excessive panic.
Therefore, when encountering material difficulties, a very effective way is to realize your attention, straighten it out, and then let yourself relax. When your state is no longer tense, you often have better ideas to deal with difficulties.
Please try it.
For the record, come on, stranger, everything will be fine.
After reading your previous description, your life was ruined by gambling debts. I wonder if you can collect evidence that these debts are related to your ex-husband's gambling.
Because gambling debt is illegal debt, it does not belong to the category of * * * with property and * * * with debt. Even if they are divorced, they should not be returned. You should ask a lawyer for their advice first. Really can't. Go to the judicial bureau or the court or the procuratorate, where you will get free legal advice. Ask first if it is your own debt.
I deeply sympathize with your present state. Although money is a vulgar thing, it is often difficult to find a hero for ten dollars, not to mention hundreds of thousands of debts. At this time, just stick to it. There is really nothing to do but insist.
I have experienced similar difficulties before, when I couldn't even afford a pack of salt. You can cry when you are tired, and pack your bags and continue to refuel after crying.
I believe that the world will not be kind to everyone who is kind, and everything will be fine. Come on (_? )? !
Dear, I am very cautious in answering questions, but when I accidentally saw your question, I immediately wanted to answer it for you.
I have seen you encounter difficulties in your life, being hurt by an irresponsible man and his unreasonable family, and even bringing trouble to your favorite family. As a woman, I have also experienced the darkest moment in my life, so I can feel the same.
Pain is like you, confusion is like you, the darkness of human nature will hurt you, and the cruelty of reality will press you down. You have been swimming hard in the painful Wang Yang, eager to reach the other side of happiness as soon as possible!
Now, dear, I want to tell you that you must be strong, optimistic and firmly believe that you can cross this hurdle! Because:
(1) You are not alone.
You are really lucky to have the love of your family. Parents and sisters help each other and children are around. They are your spiritual pillar, and you are their spiritual pillar. So no matter how hard you try, please cheer up. In order to love you and the people you love, always put a smile on your lips.
You should believe in the power of a smile. First, people who love to laugh will never be too unlucky. The second is smile, smile, smile will take shape, and then follow you forever!
(2) Whose life has no obstacles?
A good book says: each of us came to this world with a mission, not to enjoy happiness, but to experience and learn. A beggar or a farmer has probably gained more experience and knowledge in his life than a powerful king. The same life that has experienced hardships is far more rewarding than the smooth life.
How can there be a life that is smooth from beginning to end and has not been abused? ! No matter what our real situation is, there are always large and small hurdles waiting for us on the long road.
Generally speaking, the "hurdle" you are experiencing now is very difficult for you at this stage, but it is by no means a cliff you can't cross!
(3) those hurdles that have been crossed in reality.
Coincidentally, my cousin used to be a gambler. In 2009, when my cousin was pregnant with her two-year-old son, my brother-in-law secretly lost all his property and was chased by loan sharks everywhere. Cousin sold the house, paid off her debts, divorced, and raised two children alone with the help of her family. Now she has found true love, has a Zhang Mingliang face, lives well and has her own beauty club.
There is a rural classmate who divorced the year before last. She is willing to clean up the house and leave nothing in the children's house, because this is a necessary condition for the man and his family to agree to divorce. After a year of marriage, my husband no longer works and plays games at home every day. She complained a little in life, and her husband began to work for her. Later, she went too far and even took out the money she earned to open a room and ask her sister out ... After the divorce, this classmate worked hard in the city alone. Although I sometimes think that my son will cry, my career is smooth and someone is chasing me. Life has really turned around!
There is also an acquaintance, divorced three times, widowed and lonely, ruined, and always regretted it. He said he thought about it later. In fact, his three wives are all very good. Destroyed by his habitual desertion in the face of "obstacles" in every marriage.
……
You see, although happy lives are always similar and unfortunate experiences are different, the hurdle you are facing now is probably the past and future of many people.
(4) Crossing the "hurdle" is the new world.
God won't let anyone bear the test that he can't bear. Now you may be completing such a life test. Every pain you bear and every effort you make will be recorded in your exclusive time and space information, which will eventually help you complete the sublimation and transcendence of your life!
Believe it, as long as you cross the past, your life will be a new world, and your life will be very different!
One day, you will be as beautiful as you, as powerful as you, as happy as you, as free and easy as you … You will even thank yourself for your past, because those sufferings have made you better now! !
You got into the bad habit of gambling and owed a lot of gambling debts, which was caused by your ex-husband. These bad consequences are all caused by your ex-husband. Whoever planted the evil consequences is responsible for swallowing it, not you. How do you put up with them? Even if you go to work every day and keep working like this, it will only ruin your health. Health is the capital of revolution. There is no future without health. These are chain reactions. Some things can be solved in a short time. But according to your present situation, you need to continue like this for a long time. Are you mentally prepared? It's not that you work hard, but that you can't see hope. Never mind what your ex-husband did to him!