People who are now in adolescence are prone to rebellious psychology. First, it is the inevitable psychological process in this period; Secondly, society pays more and more attention to individuality and self-realization, which leads to more rebellious psychology.
Teenagers gradually have the mentality of avoiding the contradiction between modern people and society and not compromising with display, and are full of discussions on the value of life, the meaning of happiness, the world outlook and values. In the contradiction of growing up, they asked: What's wrong with running away from what they hate and pursuing what can bring happiness? There is nothing wrong, but only by facing the reality and constantly telling yourself what to do is meaningful, can we maintain our existence, otherwise we can't survive. Which do you choose, reality or dream? The frustration of choosing dreams leads to the continuous expansion of wishes, and the conflict with the surrounding things, parents and schools deepens the rebellious psychology.
This has developed how many people want to do the opposite with others.
There is a gap between people, and one person can never fully understand another person. But at the same time, everyone must confirm their existence through others. When we think that the person we know for sure is not who we really are, "Maybe I've been laughing, but I've been crying …", if so, we will have great fear in our hearts, and this fear will be reflected in an act of disobedience.
Everyone has independent thoughts, personal hobbies, and areas that they don't want others to see (such as privacy) or want me to know, that is, the way people look at things and measure things. We may want to live in a world where there is no misunderstanding and no obstacles between hearts. The hope of teenagers is recognized and fully understood, but "the diversity of information is the source of happiness".
Maybe we need to find a solution to rebellion, but not everything can be solved. Everyone has his own world outlook and values, but at the same time it is inevitable that there are some limitations and narrowness. Only by observing, measuring and understanding the world with one's own limited scale, no one can truly fully and completely understand the present and others. This is an illusory side of human wisdom, which can be said to be a dark place in human mind. Teenagers grow up without understanding, and they don't understand others and are not understood. Maybe rebellious psychology is the breakthrough. But if people can observe the world from another angle and treat others objectively and comprehensively, fear, anxiety and escape will be reduced. If they can do this, they can get out of the closed and narrow world and find a brand-new environment. But this is only a "possibility".
Rebellion is the only way for teenagers to mature and a process of spiritual supplement. No matter society, education, family and teenagers themselves, they should have a correct understanding.
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During the holidays, many parents reported that children in junior high school often surf the Internet until midnight, and it is difficult to communicate with adolescent children without listening to their parents, especially the contradiction between parents and children. In fact, adolescent children are largely rebellious. When parents find such problems, they don't have to feel as terrible as wolves and tigers, but try to understand the characteristics and mentality of children in this period and face adolescence with their children.
"Although I am at home all day during the summer vacation, my son and I communicate for less than half an hour every day!" "In addition to attending remedial classes every day, my daughter chats with her classmates on the Internet and makes phone calls, completely ignoring her parents. It's annoying to talk too much!" Now that more than half of the summer vacation has passed, the reporter learned from some parents that during the summer vacation, because children spend more time with their parents, various parent-child contradictions are particularly obvious, and the rebellious behavior of adolescent children is becoming more and more obvious. The emotional crisis between parents and children seems to be greatly aggravated by the arrival of summer vacation.
Recently, the reporter interviewed Mr. Tang, a psychological counseling teacher in Hainan Middle School, about the rebellious psychological phenomenon of adolescent children and the ways to deal with some common problems. Teacher Tang graduated from Huazhong Normal University majoring in psychology and has rich experience in psychological counseling for teenagers. She pointed out that rebellious psychology is a psychological state in the process of teenagers' growth, especially among teenagers aged 14 to 18. Teenagers in this period are antagonistic to their parents and other educators, and they also understand the rationality of doing things according to the wishes of adults, but they deliberately go against their parents' wishes and only care about the pleasure of confronting their parents. They are happy to see their parents angry and sad. Parents often encounter this situation.
Personal hobbies focus on guidance and avoid rough interference.
Case: When Xiao Xing was in junior high school, he liked information technology very much, but his parents simply prohibited him from "playing computer" and asked him blindly how much homework and exercises he had to do when he came home from school, which caused Xiao Xing's dissatisfaction. Because his parents didn't let him do what he wanted at home, he deliberately didn't study hard and his grades plummeted. Knowing that this is wrong, Xiaoxing is still bent on his own way. He even likes to see his parents feel uncomfortable and anxious. After the third grade, facing the entrance examination, under the sincere and decent guidance of the teacher, Xiao Xingcai gradually gave up rebellion and returned to normal, and was admitted to the city's key high school. In the second semester of Senior Two, she cooperated with her classmates to engage in computer software and won the Hainan Youth Science and Technology Innovation Award.
Teacher Tang's comments: Rebellion is manifested in all aspects of teenagers. For example, in learning, if parents impose their personal wishes on their children, the children will not only disobey their parents, but also retaliate and deliberately not study.
It is obviously inappropriate for Xiaoxing's parents to handle this case. Parents should give correct guidance and encouragement to their children's hobbies and exploration of modern science and technology. They should not restrain their children in a rigid, simple and rude way. They should break through the fixed mode of traditional education, and family education should keep pace with the times. Parents should pay more attention to social development and children's ideas, pay attention to communication with children, and ask teachers after understanding their ideas. Both sides should cooperate with reasonable guidance, link the child's personal hobbies with his long-term life goals, and promote the healthy growth of the child.
Novel dressing stimulates parents.
Case: Xiao Chen, a high school student, dyed a yellow hair with a few red hairs in the middle, and also likes to wear novel clothes. He knew that these were unacceptable to his parents and teachers, but whenever he saw the expressions of his parents or elders and laughed at him, he felt as if he had won the battle.
Teacher Tang's comments: rebellious psychology is also obvious in the dressing of teenagers. With the enhancement of self-awareness and curiosity, teenagers spare no effort to pursue individuality and make themselves different. Teenagers like to "follow the trend", pursue fashion and express their individuality, but they lack the ability to comprehensively and comprehensively identify things. They don't necessarily know that fashionable things are not necessarily good things for them. Some teenagers often follow something unconventional and self-prominent, but they go against the trend, which is not good for their self-image. This requires parents to establish correct values for their children, cultivate their healthy aesthetic consciousness, draw boundaries for their children, and let them think about what is true beauty and what is the direction of life they should pursue.
The wounds of the soul are healed with love.
Case: Zheng Xiao, a high school student, broke up with his parents, and Zheng Xiao followed his father. He used to have a good personality, and his father married a third party to intervene, which made the child traumatized. Without his mother, Zheng Xiao couldn't accept it, so he deliberately rebelled against his father. He insisted on doing what his father wouldn't let him do, smoking, drinking and gambling. He also made bad friends in the society. In order to prevent his father and stepmother from living a good life, he "rectified the wind" everywhere.
Teacher Tang's comments: For teenagers with broken families, we should pay more attention to guiding them to cultivate a good attitude. The guardians of these children must pay attention to the changes in their mentality. Because these children are generally nervous and have weak emotional endurance, they are more prone to rebellious psychology than other teenagers. Therefore, the guardians of these children should always care about their growth, give them more love, and use love to melt the gap and trauma between them. As stepmother, they may need to pay more; In addition, when divorced couples get along separately, don't vent their resentment on their children, try to maintain each other's image in the eyes of children, and let children understand that parents' separation is an adult's business. Although everyone loves children in different ways, we should avoid planting bitter seeds in children's hearts and help them develop a healthy personality.
Help children "psychologically wean"
Case: A parent complained bitterly that his child went to the third grade after this summer vacation. Somehow, during the holiday, she either did her homework or played games and chatted online, ignoring her parents. Worst of all, two days ago, he and his wife wanted to have a good communication with their daughter. Who knows that without saying a few words, my daughter retorted, "I just don't know what is good and what is bad." I also typed a few words "Do not disturb" on the door of my room with the computer, which made me speechless.
Teacher Tang commented: Middle school students are in the "psychological weaning period" and have an independent tendency. At this stage, children's emotions fluctuate greatly and change greatly, which is difficult to control. With emotions, they are not only unwilling to confide in their parents, but also complain that their parents don't understand themselves. If their parents don't handle it properly, such as questioning their children's performance or being indifferent, their resistance will increase. As parents, we should put down our airs, get along with our children on an equal footing, be their bosom friends, and strive to be the object and comforter of their worries. Help children successfully pass the "psychological weaning period".
The causes of rebellious psychology
Teacher Tang pointed out that teenagers have rebellious psychology. First, because teenagers' psychology changes with their own changes at this age, the emergence of second sexual characteristics has impacted their mentality. They are often at a loss in the face of their own changes, resulting in impetuous mentality and confrontational emotions; Second, the psychological state of teenagers presents the particularity of teenagers' psychology. They feel like adults at this time, so they often show a naive independence when facing problems, and they will be in a period of resistance when they are immature.
Teacher Tang also said that because of the enhancement of self-awareness and curiosity, coupled with the influence of society and media, teenagers are interested in many things, so they have to satisfy their self-awareness and curiosity by expressing their individuality and chasing the trend; In addition, some disadvantages of social and family traditional education hinder their own development needs and become the source of rebellious psychology; In addition, all kinds of pressures that teenagers are facing now, such as collective pressure, study pressure and boring life, are also fertile ground for rebellious psychology.
Communicate sincerely and meet the challenge.
The emergence of teenagers' rebellious psychology has disturbed the normal family order and created more and more troubles for themselves. How do parents cope with this challenge?
Teacher Tang said, first of all, we should understand the physiological and psychological changes of teenagers as soon as possible, realize that these changes are not a big problem, accept these changes frankly, learn to talk with them from the perspective and position of teenagers, and reach an understanding through dialogue; Secondly, it is necessary to find out the reasons for their rebellious psychology, and then, as mentioned in the above cases, aim at the right medicine. Thirdly, when there is a fierce rebellious mentality, learn to enlighten them calmly, or consult a psychologist appropriately, and gradually solve the problem with an understanding attitude.
Disciplining children in early adolescence is not treason!
Studies show that parents should keep their children out of trouble, and it is best to keep an eye on them when they are in middle school.
According to Ronald L.Simons of the University of Iowa and his colleagues, although criminologists believe that children with behavioral problems are likely to become criminals when they grow up, only 50% of them will become future criminals.
Simmons' research team tries to find out why some problem children become problem teenagers, while others don't. They followed up 65,438+049 boys and 65,438+057 girls and their families for four years. The average age at which these children began to participate in the study ranged from 12 to 13. The researchers visited their parents and children and observed their family situation.
There is a hypothesis that difficult children will be more and more influenced by bad companions when they grow up, so the parenting style can be adjusted accordingly; However, researchers have different views.
In fact, researchers have found that setting stricter restrictions and dogmas on difficult children will only make them more likely to start dating bad friends earlier. These rebellious children usually lose their temper, talk back, threaten other students, be selfish and complain. Simmons said: "Their behavior almost turned their parents into bad parents, and finally parents had to relax their discipline on their children."
On the contrary, children with good behavior are easy for their parents to achieve the purpose of discipline. Such parents are kind and support their children. They will set a standard code of conduct for children, pay attention to children's behavior, implement rules, explain the purpose of making rules to children, and avoid unreasonable punishment.
Parents with children whose behaviors conform to the norms will give their children more freedom during their adolescence, but parents in problem children will be stricter. However, at the end of the study, parents of problem children spend less energy to control their children than parents of normal children.
The researchers observed the behavior process of these two different children, and the results showed that most of them were in middle and high grades.
Simon said: "The research results show that parents' discipline in children's middle school is very important, and children's behavior during this period can be used as a guide for adolescence.
Finally, add a sentence: "it is very laborious to avoid letting children break the law and discipline in adolescence." At this time, parents should help their children to go to the right path and avoid going astray by interacting with their misbehaving peers. "
Face up to the physiological changes in adolescence
Example: Ms. Li was surprised to find that her son, who has always been obedient and introverted, has been particularly keen to go out and borrow books from his classmates since the summer vacation. He has been silent and in a trance all day at home except eating and hiding in his room reading. A few days ago, while her son was not at home, she secretly saw a book on human structure and a book describing the unhealthy relationship between men and women from his drawer. What embarrassed her most was that there was a toilet paper ball under the bed that she forgot to throw. Ms. Li feels like she has been bombed and doesn't know what to do. In desperation, I had to come to the psychological counseling center for help.
Expert: Adolescent children's sexual awareness begins to awaken, and their curiosity is particularly strong. Eager to understand sex. Parents should not be afraid or shy away from this. They should read some books on adolescent health education consciously and purposefully, and then communicate with their children privately in a timely, moderate and appropriate manner. You can also talk about your physical development, help children understand their physical structure, physical health and psychological needs, and guide children to face up to themselves. Some ideas are normal, so we should restrain and guide ourselves so that the sexual psychological knowledge education of adolescent children can keep pace with their psychological development.
References:
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