? The information implied in the question can definitely be easily rejected by the mother, and it will not hurt the face (unlike the explicit statement). This is an important part of the treatment process, and you should creatively look for it until you find a statement that can be incorporated into the family map as a meaningful change. Mom can easily refuse the therapist's suggestion, which can prevent the resistance caused by strong opposition: "You don't have to fight at all, you just need to give the answer to the question." In an ideal situation, a new picture is formed, and a new description is sought in a game-style contempt way according to the principle of trial and error. Questions always imply a "statement" of how to look at reality. For example: "When you are alone, or when your husband is around, you are more afraid." "What do your children do when you shout?" The implied message of these questions is "treat symptoms as related realities, not personal problems". If the answers to these questions are different (for example, she will cry or she will comfort me), then this description of reality is accepted, and if the answer is "nothing", then this statement is easily rejected. The "meaning package" of behavior secretly expresses a systematic picture that puts the problem in the background. This implies that the visitor can make her own "decision" (independence), and her question is at least within her control unless she refuses to answer.
? Systematic treatment and consultation, questioning not only provides new information for the questioner, but also provides new information for other listeners in the dialogue. By asking questions, convey implied information. The way of systematic questioning is not to ask questions about "things", but to ask questions about the observers of things; Don't ask questions about personality, but the differences in description and behavior (who is more? Who is less? ) ask questions; Not "what is it", but what it describes and what it may describe.
? Circular questioning has existed since the beginning of systematic therapy. The most basic point of this method is that all behaviors in a social system can always be understood as providing communication information: behavior patterns, symptoms and different forms of emotional expression. These are not only regarded as events between people, but also play a role in defining mutual relations and expectations (6.8): "Our behavior is not determined by the actual ideas of others, but is dominated by people's views on others. Therefore, it is recommended to ask questions directly and boldly about other people's guesses and conjectures. " It will be more interesting to present the meaning of communication than to ask the parties about their feelings in detail. Therefore, the core of mentioning symptoms is how each family member understands symptoms, what expectations and observations are related to, and their reactions to symptoms.
? People can just ask, "How do you feel?" But we don't ask, we ask others, "How do you think your sister feels?" Feeling is a message to another person. And we will ask the information receiver, not the information sender. In addition, for the relationship, we will ask another person: "What do you think of this relationship?" Because a relationship is also a message to another person.
? Feeling can be understood as an expression of a person's existence, which is commendable. Moreover, the word "expression" has a deeper meaning: the expression of every feeling can be understood as the information conveyed by one person to another. For example, if the wife cried and the husband saw it, the wife knew that the husband saw it. Question: "Wife, what do you think your crying means to your husband?" People don't cry because they are sad, but because they are sad. Take advantage of the relationship between the other two people seen by the third person. Ask the child, "What do you think will move Dad when he sees Mom crying?" Through such questions, new information will be generated in the system, which will promote all participants to generate new ideas and thinking.
? Use circular questioning (external perspective) to ask questions about descriptions and patterns, not about events. A symptom, a problem, a disease is not an event, but a process, which is shaped by the behavior and communication of different people. Behaviors identified as "problems" in this way will be "softened" (not fixed, but variable).
? For example, to whom is your daughter's behavior a problem? Who will be the most uneasy about this and who will be the second? If the symptoms described appear, who in the family will find them first? What is the basis?
A relationship can also be regarded as the communication of a third person. Asking a family member about the relationship between two other people can generate new information. People also call this way "chatting with people present". For example, what do you think your wife will say about your relationship with your mother? Are your mother-in-law's views similar or completely different?
? In this way, information can be collected and presented, and questions and interventions can be made at the same time. The relational model becomes clear, and people don't need to get involved in the content debate. Cyclic questioning provides visitors with an external perspective of their own social system. On the one hand, the visitor system is challenged, that is, it does not describe reality in the usual understanding mode; On the other hand, family members will indirectly give feedback to each other in their answers, so as to clarify their guesses (expectations) in this way. In the description, the visitor endured extreme pain. They think others know what happened to them, but they don't. The bicycle problem may be very helpful to clarify the misunderstanding.
? A special form of circular questioning, whose purpose is to create and clarify differences.
? Rank and ranking. Reflect differences in views and relationships.
? For example: Who is most satisfied with the team's performance? Suppose someone resigns, who will be the first? Who is happy and who is the most unhappy when her mother-in-law moves in? Who is the most optimistic and skeptical here today? Did the daughter leave home on purpose, or did her parents plan to let her move away long ago?
Imagine if one side of this room represents "perfect cleanliness" and the other side represents "mess". Where would you choose to stand between the two extremes? Please imagine what prompted you to stand in this position. Are you surprised where your husband/child is standing? what do you think?
? Percentage problem. Percentage ratio ("What percentage are you possible and what percentage are you impossible?" ) make mutual thoughts, opinions, emotions, disease concepts and opinions more accurately distinguished. In particular, it can clarify and "soften" the inner conflicts and contradictions.
How much of your behavior do you think is a manifestation of metabolic diseases and how much is a manifestation of your lifestyle? Think more about metabolic diseases, will your life become easier or more complicated, more comfortable or more desperate?
? If your wife has two tendencies in mind: one is to divorce her husband, and the other is to be with him-what percentage do you think your wife has in mind is to divorce you? What percentage are you willing to be with you?
If a pie chart is used to represent all the energy of a mother: what percentage of this pie chart is used to deal with children playing truant? If someone asks her mother how much energy she has left for herself, what do you think she will say?
Using a scale from 0 to 100%, how likely do you think your colleague Xiao Bai is to resign? By this measure, how determined do you think other colleagues are to resign? Do you think the department manager will have a similar estimate? How do you explain this difference?
In addition, in the conversation with children, it can be expressed by symbolic auxiliary tools: I have a tape measure, from 0 to 100 cm. Imagine that 100 cm is angry and 0 is calm. In your opinion, if you quarrel with your sister, where are you all? Where are your parents? Why is my father more excited?
Consistency problem: Consistency problem ("Are your views exactly the same or different?" ) is a question of agreeing or rejecting the answers to the above questions. On the one hand, it will promote "who and who", that is, alliance and alliance. On the other hand, it can learn your views on what you have said before after a long cycle of questions.
Do you agree or disagree with your colleagues?
? The board of directors of the enterprise thinks that the company's economic situation is in crisis, and the personnel consultant thinks it is a management mistake. As a supervisor, which view do you prefer?
? Dad thinks you are mom's child, so do you, or do you think you are dad's child?
? Comparison subsystem. You can ask a third person to compare the intimacy of two or three different parties. This shows more directly who has a better relationship with whom than consistency.
? As a son and younger brother, is your father closer to his wife or daughter at present?
? As an elder of the church, do you think the community pastor is more in favor of traditional church members or modern ones?
? It is precisely because of the fear of diversity that this form of questioning can be used as an important therapeutic step. It conveys the message that differences and changes are acceptable and predictable, which is self-evident. Through these questions, people can talk about the taboo topic of subjective imagination relatively easily and quickly, because people don't force each other to do anything, but just ask questions. People don't have to wait for the participants to say these topics themselves, but they can immediately put forward all tips, assumptions, speculations, estimates and intuition through these questions.