In the movie "A Chinese Odyssey", Xia Zi, a fairy, said, "My lover is a hero on earth, and one day he will wear golden clothes and step on seven-color clouds to marry me".
Perhaps this sentence is not only the inner monologue of Xia Zixian's daughter, but also the monologue of most women in love. Before falling in love, everyone fantasized about meeting those sweet loves in the movies, but when they fell in love, they became fools again, only caring about what the other party gave them, but ignoring what the other party gave them.
Simply put, this feeling is not sweet at all in the eyes of others, even especially bitter, but you will always feel particularly sweet.
"Even" and "just right", we are used to using these words to distinguish the ups and downs of a relationship, because in our opinion, only people with the same energy can make our life flourish.
It's easy to fall in love, because the five senses are difficult to get along with. From three perspectives, if you marry the right person, your married life is happy, but if you marry the wrong person, your married life may be a chicken feather.
When you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone, the balance between right and wrong is often how well you know his/her family!
02
A few days ago, a female reader chatted with me about her five-year love story with her ex-boyfriend and temporarily called her Yao Yao (a pseudonym). Originally, the two planned to get a marriage certificate, so they made an appointment with their parents to discuss the wedding. Unexpectedly, less than a month after receiving the license, Yao Yao took the initiative to break up.
Yao Yao's ex-boyfriend is his immediate senior, one year older than her. They met in an experimental class. Yao Yao's boyfriend will serve as a laboratory assistant, who will be responsible for guiding the basic operation of students' experiments.
After several experimental classes, Yao Yao was attracted by his humor and asked for his contact information. Just then, I caught up with the final exam of the experimental class. When I met a question that I didn't know, Yao Yao ran to ask him.
The beginning of love between Yao Yao and her boyfriend can be described by an idiom: Love grows day by day. One to two, with the increase of intersection, the two gradually wiped out the small flame of love.
Love at first sight, in the process of getting along, couples will have behaviors: arguments, quarrels, cold war, breaking up. ...
Although Yao Yao and her boyfriend quarreled and broke up in the past few years together, their relationship can still stand the ups and downs of life and time.
Not long ago, two people went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a marriage certificate.
After receiving the certificate, her boyfriend offered to take her to her hometown (boyfriend's hometown) to have a look, and by the way, let her get familiar with the environment in her hometown in advance. Yao Yao didn't think much, so she wanted to go out for a walk.
In fact, her boyfriend's parents, Yao Yao, have met them and had dinner together several times (all in restaurants), but her boyfriend's hometown, Yao Yao, has never been to them.
However, after living in her boyfriend's hometown for a few days, Yao Yao suddenly regretted it.
Yao Yao's regret is not because her boyfriend's parents didn't greet her properly. On the contrary, her boyfriend's parents are very kind to her. Her regret is because she is dissatisfied with the way her boyfriend's parents get along.
For three meals a day at home, Yao Yao's mother-in-law is busy raising all the livestock, while her father-in-law is waiting for her mother-in-law to cook.
After dinner, my father-in-law wipes his mouth and leaves the table, either going out for a walk or watching TV in the room. My mother-in-law always eats a few meals late because she wants to see her livestock first.
Sometimes when my father-in-law has finished eating, my mother-in-law is still busy feeding the livestock over there. My father-in-law only knows to eat when the meal is ready, without waiting for my mother-in-law to eat together.
My mother-in-law has a bad waist. Every rainy day, she gets sick. When she does housework, it is inevitable that she will make a noise. But my father-in-law never went up to help her share some housework or care about her. She just stays there watching TV and sometimes even hates her!
If the dishes cooked by her mother-in-law are not to her father-in-law's taste, or if her mother-in-law doesn't do things according to his requirements, her father-in-law will be furious with her and her mother-in-law will not dare to say a word.
03
After coming back from her parents-in-law, Yao Yao asked her boyfriend, "Why didn't you persuade your father to hurt your mother more these years?"
"I don't think there is anything wrong with my father doing this. My father works hard outside every day, and of course my mother has to do things at home! "
Originally, Yao Yao was particularly dissatisfied with the way her father-in-law and mother-in-law got along, especially her father-in-law's attitude towards her mother-in-law. This sentence from her boyfriend made her feel even worse.
There is a saying that your marriage is just a continuation of your parents' marriage. After coming back from her in-laws' home, Yao Yao couldn't help thinking of the year when she lived with her boyfriend.
The way her father-in-law and mother-in-law get along is not a projection of her cohabitation with her boyfriend this year.
Although they seldom cook and eat at home in a year (basically they eat in their own company canteen), it is Yao Yao who cooks every time and she cleans the kitchen.
Every time he is asked to do housework, he will find various reasons to escape. On one occasion, Yao Yao even had a big fight with him because he didn't do housework to play games.
Always say: "I am busy all day, how can I have the strength to do housework?" Besides, shouldn't you women do these things? " Every time I hear what he says, Yao Yao gets angry.
Thinking of this, Yao Yao couldn't help worrying about her married life and that she would become a housewife like her mother-in-law. So she agreed with her boyfriend: either get rid of bad habits or break up early!
But just one day later, her boyfriend made the same mistake at night, and he still tried to avoid housework. After the argument, he lost his previous attitude of letting her go. After the last straw, Yao Yao broke up with him.
04
Mention father and mother get along, Jiang Yang said:
"My father respects and cares for my mother, and my mother understands and supports my father's maverick. This kind of equal relationship between husband and wife is rare in the old society where husband power is dominant, and it is rare between husband and wife in the old society. "
Many times, our marriage is the continuation of our parents' marriage. As our first teachers, parents will have their shadow in our words and deeds more or less.
After experiencing this failed relationship, Yao Yao said this from the bottom of his heart: "I regret not going to his house earlier three days after receiving the certificate!"
There are many women in love who have the same experience as F. They only think about each other's love for themselves, so they can get married and live together, without ever thinking about meeting each other's family background.
Look at each other's family background, not only to see the gap between your family's material conditions, but also to see what his family background can export.
For example, being born in a family can give his parents the way to get along in marriage, their three views and their evaluation in the eyes of others.
When we are in love, we can choose the person who is good to ourselves, but we can't get married. The goodwill given by the other party can only be used as a reference, not a decisive factor, because a person can take it back if he gives you goodwill.
Writer Qilu once said: "Small things look at personality, big things look at personality, and life looks at habits."
The man who really loves you is that you like spicy hot pot, and I can also order beef with clear soup. Although we have different tastes, we respect each other. The tacit understanding of love between two people begins with eating and permeates into life.
In marriage, only two people respect each other can have a sweet life, and they will never get tired of watching each other in daily necessities.
Knowing more about each other's family background, you can know whether the other person is consistent with your three views, and you can tolerate and respect each other in a suitable marriage.