Brother Qi, my boyfriend and I went to college for two years and fell in love after graduation for two years. Now I am as dependent on him as I am on my family, but I have no feeling and heart of love. I really doubt that if there is a boy who makes me move, I will run away with others immediately and feel guilty. What should I do, Brother Seven? I want to break up with him, but I feel sad when I think about it. What should I do?
Brother Qi answers readers' questions:
Hello, first of all, Brother Qi thanks you on behalf of the majority of male compatriots. When you don't like each other, you don't cuckold him, and the proportion of male compatriots who are green has dropped a little. Okay, just kidding. Although it is a joke, think about your friends, how many girls are having an affair with other boys without breaking up, and how many boys are sleeping with other girls without getting rid of their current relationship.
Back to today's topic "Breaking up" is actually very suitable for boys. Many authors have talked about teaching you how to chase girls, how to be coquettish and so on. However, there are few articles about how to minimize the harm of ending a relationship. It's easy to start well, but it's hard to end well. You should also strive for wisdom when breaking up.
The beginning of a relationship is that both sides attract each other, appreciate each other's advantages, tolerate each other's shortcomings, and move towards a higher realm together. This is often called fate, but the end of a relationship often makes each other wallow in the abyss, so it is very important for both sides and themselves to properly handle a broken relationship.
So how should we treat the relationship that is about to end? How to break up correctly and minimize the damage? What taboo ways should we pay attention to? I think many readers have had this time. Today, let's talk about it with Xiaoqing's story.
First, before breaking up, ask yourself, can your relationship be saved?
Ok, let's go back to Xiaoqing's problem. Qi Ge has always advocated the principle of "it is better to tear down ten temples than ruin a marriage", so he usually gives advice to readers with emotional problems with the line of repairing feelings.
Xiaoqing said that she was moved to like each other from the beginning, let alone love, but you talked for four years. Regardless of whether Xiaoqing's original decision was correct, she has definitely spent energy and youth in these four years. So don't give up easily, everything will have a reason, whether it is aesthetic fatigue or staying away from each other, whether it is tired of each other for too long or exhausted patience.
A relationship on a cliff is usually formed by many factors. Xiaoqing mentioned that she and her boyfriend have been in a long-distance relationship for two years, which really hurts. Qi Ge admits that long-distance love really needs the strong care of both sides. Remember to bring an umbrella when it rains. It is better to send an umbrella downstairs. Moreover, long-distance love can easily lead to distrust, unequal information, mutual accusation and mutual suspicion. I think this is also one of the reasons for your emotional illness. It's better to find a way to live in the city.
In addition, Xiaoqing mentioned that you have no feelings for him, only family-like habits and dependence are left. You were supposed to be in a dull relationship. If you get married, it will be an itch for seven years. When the novelty of each other disappears, there is no way to attract and there is no feeling. If you can, you might as well have a good talk, travel regularly, do something lasting and meaningful together, change mutual understanding and stimulate more hobbies.
You said that it is sad to think of the past, which means that your past is already beautiful. Why not look for it again?
Second, don't be perfunctory, and don't drag your feet when breaking up.
For Xiaoqing, if you really have no feelings, then break up. Many people tell their friends that they want to break up, and they usually have various rhetoric to discourage them: How good do you think he is to you? See how honest he is? Are you dissatisfied with his good conditions? It's okay. You changed after you got married? Love is plain!
Are the above lines familiar? Have you ever trusted them? Brother Qi just wants to say that if there is really no love between you and it can't be mended, then simply choose to break up. Because what is more terrible than breaking up is pretending to have no feelings. Love is like a cloud, it is beautiful to float freely.
However, many people can't talk, so they are afraid of hurting each other, so they choose to put off their broken feelings. However, if you don't solve it early, if you meet the right partner in the future, but you can't give a promise, this taste is very distressing. In other words, you meet the other half you like, but you secretly start to entangle and be ambiguous. Ask yourself, if you were you now, what would you think and how would you feel in your heart?
Many people will question, what if the other party disagrees? What if the other party cries and hangs himself? What if the other party is entangled? What if the other person is in pain and will do something stupid?
In the vast sea of people, it is not easy for two people to meet, and it is fate to start a relationship. However, when you have to live up to it, please take into account morality and minimize the harm to each other.
1, release the breakup signal in advance.
Late the night before yesterday, a friend cried to me on the phone. Her boyfriend said something ambiguous to her yesterday, such as "Good morning, dear, good night". Today, she broke up, which made her a little unprepared and psychologically unprepared. It felt like riding a roller coaster.
Who do you think is not difficult to wear this? Isn't it just a day of life and death? It's a live broadcast of soul stripping, paving the way for breaking up.
If you insist on ending a relationship. You can be cold to each other for a while and see how they react. If Ta is also cold to you, if there is nothing, then this breakup is relatively simple, perhaps as long as you are firm. If you are cold, TA is still warm to you and cares about you. Then, you can continue to be indifferent and release some signals of breaking up, that is, let the other party have a psychological preparation. To avoid a sudden rollover.
2, face-to-face frank conversation, long pain is better than short pain.
This is very important, adults should solve it in an adult way. Be honest with your own thoughts, honestly look into TA's eyes, and tell each other the truth, why not love. In fact, the best reason is: I don't feel anything about TA, not hate some shortcomings of the other party. Because the other party is generally easy to refute, TA can get rid of these problems.
Remember: we are not suitable, this is the omnipotent reason.
It's easy to start, but difficult to say goodbye. If you want to break up, you must be firm, think all your thoughts well, and handle the rebuttal of the other party, otherwise, your frank dialogue will fail. Many people are in a hurry to break up, and finally they are moved by each other and make up. It won't be long before I will be moved and disappear, but I will still go to the road of breaking up. Why is this?
In addition, it is best not to choose a more important moment in the life of the other party who is taking exams and studying. Qi Ge has seen too many cases of breaking up before the college entrance examination, the postgraduate entrance examination and the civil service examination, each of which has a great impact on his life. If you loved it, please protect it until the last moment.
3. Breaking up taboo: no cold violence, no lying.
The cold and violent way of breaking up is really terrible. Brother Qi is very annoying, especially for boys and girls, and the pressure in the woman's heart can be imagined. Breaking up is very painful, but some people choose to trample on each other's self-esteem with cold violence. Qi Ge feels that people who have really paid for themselves, both men and women, still have to pay tribute with their hands.
Some people will choose to delay, choose to hide, and even hope that one day the other party will be unbearable and take the initiative to leave. In fact, I wasted my time and energy, even precious feelings, with each other.
In addition, some people will choose to have a new object and other reasons to let the other party give up, or even find someone to replace them temporarily. You've already hurt others. Don't make up lame lies to insult each other's IQ and the good memories you two used to have together.
4. if you don't want to hurt Ta again, don't contact after breaking up.
"Let's break up and be friends." I often see this line. I really want to curse. You can still be friends after breaking up. What a strong heart I had before, what a false emotional experience.
Generally speaking, the one who breaks up will want to be friends, but in fact, he still can't bear to part with it, or fantasize about making up, and change from friends to lovers. In fact, you know, it won't work. Two people have bad feelings in their hearts. Strangers can be acquaintances, and acquaintances can be strangers. They are really more alive than strangers, because there are always traces on crumpled paper. Your past fragments are easily recalled many times, which is equivalent to slander again and again.
If goodbye can't be blushing, can you still be blushing? If you really don't want to hurt TA again, please don't contact ta again in the future.
Back to Xiaoqing, even if I have no feelings for him, I will be reluctant to break up and the past, but it is better to have a long pain than a short one. A good life is never at your fingertips. Without making a choice, it is difficult for you to meet the life you want. Good luck.