What if the child is disobedient and doesn't want to go to school? -Xi 'an Psychological Counseling

Xi An Psychological Counseling -Xi An Milan Psychological Counseling Center communicates with you the problem of teenagers' weariness of learning. "What if the child doesn't listen and doesn't want to go to school?" In modern society, many parents worry that their children are rebellious and tired of learning. When your child is rebellious and tired of learning, as a parent, you should first find out the reasons for your child's rebellion. Psychologists explain the reasons for children's rebellious mentality from the following three aspects: First, inappropriate educational methods of parents are the main reasons for children's rebellious mentality. 1, traditional ideas affect some parents. China's long-standing paternalism still exists among some parents. Parents lack democratic awareness of their children's education, and always think that their children are immature, so they must obey themselves absolutely and cannot have their own opinions, otherwise they will be "disobedient" and "antagonistic". Therefore, children will not or rarely regard their parents as confidants, fearing that they will be blamed by their parents after doing something wrong. After many middle school students think that they have done something wrong, what they dislike most is their parents' accusations, and the reason for their disgust is their parents' bullying and stubbornness. 2. Parents' mistakes in understanding lead to improper educational methods. Some parents lack common psychological knowledge, are eager to achieve success in their children's education, and adopt simple and rude methods, often ignoring their children's self-esteem and psychological endurance. Especially when their children make mistakes, instead of analyzing them and discussing remedies with them, they scold or even beat them, making them feel isolated and rebellious when they make mistakes. There are also some parents who think that as long as they are subjectively good to their children, they can not pay attention to educational methods. 3. Parents and children lack two-way communication and mutual understanding. As children grow up, their sense of independence becomes stronger and stronger, which requires them to have their own way of doing things and do not want to be controlled too much. Some parents do everything for their children's protection, so that children's desire for independence and parents' improper kindness and care will lead to ideological conflicts and contradictions. Maybe some parents seldom talk to their children because of their busy work, and just make some strict rules to restrain their children's behavior. Therefore, as children, high school students do not have a harmonious and warm family environment, lack communication with their parents, and are prone to rebellious psychology and behavior. Second, the way of education of school teachers is also one of the reasons that lead to students' rebellious psychology. Some teachers don't understand students' psychological characteristics, condescending, instructing students how to think and do, and don't communicate with students at all, which is easy to cause students' rebellious psychology. Third, in addition, some inappropriate rendering of mass media is also a factor leading to rebellious psychology. For example, some film and television works try their best to beautify the rebels' personal behavior, exaggerate the rebels' ability and advocate individualism. Many students appreciate the "rebellious heroes" described in TV and cartoons. Rebellion and weariness of learning are like twin brothers. When children are rebellious, they will be tired of learning. So, what are the specific reasons why children are slowly tired of learning? According to experts' analysis, the main reasons why children are tired of learning are: (1) Parents' expectations are too high. Excessive expectations will greatly increase children's psychological pressure and unconsciously associate learning with painful experiences. (2) Parents' accompanying reading makes children lack learning awareness. This will make it difficult for children to understand the learning process, solve new problems independently, and experience the happiness of success after solving problems independently. (3) Parents are biased towards the purpose of children's learning and set the purpose of learning knowledge in the future rather than today. For example, parents often say to their children, "If you don't study hard, you won't find a job in the future." In this way, children will not experience the happiness of acquiring knowledge itself, but will only pay attention to others' evaluation of themselves. If you are not interested in knowledge itself, you will naturally regard learning as an effort. (4) children can't learn. Such children are often inattentive when studying, and can't link old and new knowledge to learn; Can't choose important content and throw away unimportant content; Can't express the knowledge correctly and reasonably. In this way, in the face of more and more heavy academic content, you will naturally feel tired of learning. Through the analysis of the reasons why children are tired of learning and rebellious, it is not difficult to find that the parent-child relationship of most children is not good, either the parents' education methods are improper or there is domestic violence, or the parents' feelings are not harmonious, or there are serious differences in the parents' education methods, or the children are raised by the elderly without parental care, or a single-parent family, or one or both parents have psychological problems ... The symptoms are manifested in the children, but the roots of children's weariness and rebellion are in the family. Parents know the ins and outs of their children's weariness and rebellion. What should they do next? First, close parent-child relationship, starting from paying attention to children's inner feelings, many parents say these three sentences to their children the most: "Did you do your homework?" "How was the exam?" "study hard!" . Some children say: My mother says she loves me, but I think she only loves grades. When parents put themselves in their children's shoes, does it make sense for children to say so? Observe children's words and deeds carefully and feel their feelings. For example, children come back from the outside with a sunny face. You can ask her, "I see you are so happy today, and I am happy for you. You must have a good time! " The child is unhappy. You might as well say to her, "I think you seem to be in a bad mood." What happened? Do you want to talk to your mother (father)? " Don't be too reluctant to talk, just let the child feel that you care about her and are willing to share and help her. Look at children with appreciation. If parents can appreciate their children from all aspects, instead of attacking and rejecting them, their self-confidence will be improved, they can feel the acceptance and recognition of their parents, and the parent-child relationship will certainly be greatly improved. Accepting children's friends is like accepting your own children. Every friend of a child must have his own advantages. If you accept your child's friend, the child will think that you have accepted him, and the distance between you and your child will naturally narrow. Communicate with children in a friend-like, equal and respectful way, not in a condescending paternalistic style, especially without beating or scolding children. Every time you want to criticize a child, think about it first: how will the child feel if I say this? Will it hurt the child? Can children accept it? Parents should have the courage to admit their mistakes and sincerely apologize to their children for the harm they have caused, so that on the one hand, their hearts will be closer to their children, and on the other hand, their role models will help their children face up to and correct their shortcomings. Second, from far and near to help children set goals to help children set goals, we need to start with children's hobbies. As the saying goes, interest is the best teacher. Only by doing what you are interested in will you be tireless, go all out and have endless fun, so you have the greatest possibility of success. Therefore, parents should pay attention to, care for and cultivate their children's hobbies from an early age, so that children can get happiness, a sense of accomplishment and growth in things they are interested in. But hobbies must be children's own, and should not be imposed on children by parents, nor should they follow the crowd. Third, parents should learn to learn and then learn. There is a saying that "one should do what he does", which means that everyone should take responsibility for his own behavior, but this sentence is not suitable for education-the behavior of education is carried out by educators, but the consequences are borne by the educated, society and even future generations, which shows that education has far-reaching influence. If children receive a good education, their own success, happiness and happiness will benefit society and future generations, and vice versa. Nowadays, being a parent seems to be the hardest thing ever. The times are changing, the society is developing, our children are growing rapidly, and our parents are no longer studying. The heavy cost of old and wrong educational methods will be borne by our children and society. There are enough stories around us: crime, suicide, violence, psychopathy, family breakdown ... As parents, the only way is to "study hard and make progress every day" and be with children.