I heard this conversation on the subway the other day.
The mother asked her son: Have you finished all the homework assigned by the school? The son replied: not yet, there are still a few questions that can't be done.
Mom nodded and said, if you can't do it, ask more. You should remember that mom spent so much money on teachers and after-school tutoring. You should study hard, you know?
If you don't study hard, you are sorry for your mother.
The child nodded cleverly: I know, mom.
I thought their conversation was over here, but two minutes later, my mother received a text message and suddenly changed her face.
It turned out that the child's class teacher sent her a message, probably saying that the child's grades have dropped recently, so that parents should pay more attention, and if necessary, parents must urge their children to study hard.
At that moment, maybe mother's face was dull. In front of everyone, the mother said to the child: If you don't study hard, the mother won't want you.
At that moment, not only I, but also the whole carriage was shocked.
0 1.
As a parent, you should be responsible for everything you say, especially in front of children.
Many parents force their children to study in a threatening tone, such as "I won't take you anywhere if you don't get the first place in the exam" and "You can't eat without studying hard". As a result, the naive child was really scared by the strict parents, crying and saying "I will study hard", while apologizing to his parents and promising that it would never happen again.
Such parents, their own collapse, children are also afraid.
In the recently hit TV series Xiao Shede, Yan Ziyou, regarded as a tool by his mother, is already an excellent student, but his mother Tian Yulan is still not satisfied. In order to win over Hanlin junior high school, she made strict plans for her son and even canceled his time to play football every Friday. You know, this is his only source of happiness.
At first, seeing that his son was unhappy, Tian Yulan stopped insisting and promised to let him play football, provided that the class would not be affected, and his son was extremely happy.
However, under the recommendation of the selection manager, Tian Yulan broke his word after meeting an instructor in Hanlin Junior High School. The director said that at this time, the children should still work hard and not relax.
Many parents will say this when educating their children: children should not lie, but keep their word. As a result, when it comes to parents themselves, it becomes "what I say doesn't count, because I am your mother."
In fact, this kind of behavior of parents has a great influence on children, and it is even easy for children to misunderstand, which will make children feel that "keeping promises seems less important." Once children have such an idea, they will start to habitually lie, so it is really important to say that parents' words and deeds. Don't be careless about this.
02.
Parents are role models for children, and good parents can educate qualified children.
It is said that love is selfless, especially when parents treat their children, but in fact, parents who can truly love their children selflessly are rare.
Most parents love their children with additional conditions, such as "children should be smart", "children should be sensible" and "children should be obedient". Once a child becomes smart and stupid, parents will show "disgust" and "impatience".
Why do many children learn to look at their parents' faces at such a young age?
Because they know how to please their parents and how to make them love them more.
When children hear "I don't like you if you don't study hard" and "I don't want you if you don't listen", there is deep fear in their hearts.
Therefore, in order to make parents love themselves, in order not to be abandoned, they would rather give up some of their hobbies, or even force themselves to do things they don't like, and strive to become "people that parents like".
This educational concept is actually unhealthy. As a parent, no matter how your child is, you should learn to love and tolerate him.
I remember reading a survey before. Someone interviewed different children and parents and asked them how many points they gave each other.
All children give their parents a score of 100, but among the scores given by their parents, there are 60, 70, 80 and 90. They don't love their children 100%, but they absolutely love their parents 100%.
A child who clearly said "Mom hates it" one second ago will say "Mom, I love you" the next. Don't such children deserve the whole-hearted love of their parents?
There is no right or wrong in love, and there should be no conditions.
Why do you have to get good grades to be loved? Why do you have to be obedient to be loved? Why do you have to have a good job to be loved?
Parents' love for their children should not be attached with conditions. As a parent, you should be more generous, more tolerant and work harder, set an example for your children and be their pride.
Only good parents can educate truly qualified children, and don't let conditional love destroy the unconditional trust in children's hearts.