Physiologically, nervousness is manifested as facial muscle stiffness and unnaturalness, involuntary trembling of some parts of the body, rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and other symptoms; Psychologically, nervous people subjectively feel that others are staring at them, seeing their nervous performance, and even others are laughing at themselves in their hearts. At the same time, they will also have an escape mentality. In public, they will try to escape to a corner that will not be noticed, and try not to talk to reduce their tension. But as long as we understand it correctly, make up our minds to change it, and use scientific psychological principles and methods, we will definitely get out of this psychological cycle.
To overcome social tension, we should first pay attention to adjusting our mentality and establishing some good ideas:
(1) Accept yourself and build self-confidence.
Many people who are socially nervous are dissatisfied with themselves and have no confidence in themselves. Therefore, to change, we must first accept and accept ourselves in our hearts and establish confidence in ourselves.
(2) Don't ask too much of yourself.
Too much pursuit of perfection, too high demands on yourself, it is easy to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, too concerned about what others think of you, and bent on getting recognition from others, thus losing yourself. Accept your status quo and don't care what others think. The more you are afraid of making mistakes, the more you will be at a loss.
(3) Don't care too much about your body reaction.
Nervousness is always accompanied by a series of physical discomfort. According to reinforcement theory, if we pay too much attention to the nervous reaction of some parts of the body when we are nervous, it is equivalent to strengthening our nervous behavior and making it worse step by step. However, when we don't care about our own nerve reaction, because the tension is not noticed and strengthened, the nerve reaction will gradually fade over time.
(4) face it bravely.
Nervous people often show escape psychology in social situations, fearing that they will make a fool of themselves and dare not face it. Actually, running away can't eliminate the tension. On the contrary, it will make you feel weak and blame yourself, which will make you more nervous next time. Besides, we can't escape forever. We live in this society and must associate with people. Sooner or later, we all have to face it.
The best way to overcome nervousness is to face it bravely! As a psychologist pointed out, "what we are afraid of is not the thing itself, but ourselves!" " The key is to see if you can beat yourself and take the first step bravely! Face it bravely!
With the above understanding, combined with some psychological principles and methods and skills, put the change into action:
1 Positive self-suggestion: Say to yourself 20 times every night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning, "I accept myself, I believe in myself!"
Through this positive self-psychological suggestion, we can gradually change our previous negative views on ourselves, learn to accept ourselves and cultivate self-confidence.
2 systematic desensitization training: it is impossible to change in one step, it is a gradual process, and you need to overcome your nervousness step by step.
First set yourself a series of behavioral goals, such as the tense communication scenes in the past 10, and then arrange them according to your own situation in order from easy to difficult. In this way, social practice training is carried out from easy to difficult, and each practice is very easy, so you can enter the next practice.
We should believe that human ability is gradually cultivated and developed through practice, and so is social ability.
3 mirror skills: spend 10 minutes every day, stand in front of the mirror, look into your own eyes in the mirror and say to yourself loudly: "I believe I can easily associate with others!" ""I believe I can change successfully! "Repeat this sentence many times, carefully understand the changes that have taken place in your heart, and feel whether you believe this sentence.
4. Relaxation and quiet training: Find a quiet place where no one will disturb you, sit comfortably, close your eyes and imagine yourself coming to a quiet place surrounded by green mountains and trees, and your mood will become peaceful. Now relax, imagine relaxing and softening from head, neck, arms, chest, abdomen, back, buttocks, thighs, calves and feet in turn ... At least once a day, regular exercises like this can help us control our bodies and overcome nervous reactions.
5. Read biographies of great men: Try to read biographies of some famous men and women, use their growth and successful experiences to motivate themselves and build up courage and confidence in change. At the same time, after reading the deeds of these great men, they can also play the role of idols, and we may potentially imitate some of their positive thoughts and behaviors (such as the biographies of Helen Keller, Lincoln, Ford, Nobel and Napoleon). ).
Learn interpersonal skills: read more magazines and books about interpersonal communication and eloquence skills, learn more from other people's interpersonal experience and improve our communication skills, which will help us build confidence in communicating with others.