Being highly sensitive is an innate instinct of human beings. Neuroscientists have found that some sensitive emotions of people are determined by genes. 20% of the global population belongs to "highly sensitive population". They are more sensitive to weak stimuli than ordinary people, and these stimuli have a stronger influence on them. This high sensitivity is related to the gene that produces adrenaline. Adrenaline is a kind of stress hormone, and it is also a neurotransmitter that triggers the brain's attention and response.
Oxytocin can also cause emotional allergies. Oxytocin is a hormone that helps people produce love and maintain relationships. Can trigger sensitive emotions. The higher the oxytocin content in the body, the stronger the social reasoning ability, which will make people more sensitive to the details of life and may also cause misunderstanding.
Different societies have different attitudes towards highly sensitive people. In many western cultures, highly sensitive people are considered weak-willed and timid, so they are often bullied. This view has not been universally recognized. In many places, high sensitivity is considered as a gift, because it can make people listen and understand others better. Different cultural backgrounds have different views on sensitive attitudes. In addition, gender, family environment and education level may also affect people's attitudes towards sensitive emotions.
It is feasible and necessary to learn how to control emotions more effectively. If you are naturally sensitive, you should learn to accept yourself. You will become less sensitive through practice, but it is impossible to completely change your personality. Don't try to change yourself, just be yourself.
2 conduct self-assessment. If you are not sure whether you are overly sensitive, you can evaluate yourself by the following methods. You can do questionnaires, such as those provided by some psychological centers for emotionally sensitive people. The questions in the questionnaire can help you think about your feelings and experiences.
Answer questions objectively and honestly. After knowing your sensitivity, you can better control your emotions.
Remember, the purpose of self-assessment is not to make you pretend to be who you want to be. No matter whether you are really sensitive or think you are sensitive, you should answer the questions honestly.
Explore your emotions by taking notes. By recording your emotions, you can have a more intuitive understanding of your emotions and reactions. These records will help you find out the causes of oversensitivity and tell you how to deal with mood swings correctly.
How do I feel now?
Why do I have such a reaction?
What do I need in this mood?
Have I ever felt this way before?
Record your current emotions and think about the causes of these emotions. For example, do you feel anxious now? What caused these emotions to appear? Sometimes small things can also cause strong mood swings.
You can also ask yourself the following questions:
You can also record your emotions in time. You can start recording emotions with sentences like "I feel sad" or "I feel angry". Set a time of two minutes, during which you will record things related to these emotions. Don't stop writing or change the record, just record it truthfully.
After completing this step, check your own records. Can you find any patterns? Can you see the hidden emotions behind these reactions? For example, anxiety is usually caused by fear, sadness of losing what you want, anger after being attacked, etc.
You can also explore your emotional changes for a specific event. For example, someone may glance at you on the bus, which in your opinion is a criticism of your appearance. This explanation will hurt your feelings, and you may be angry or sad. Remind yourself of two things. First, you don't know what the other person thinks. Second, it doesn't matter what strangers say about you. That casual glance may have nothing to do with criticism. Even if it's relevant, this person doesn't know you, let alone your good.
Cultivate compassion for yourself when taking notes. Don't judge yourself by your emotions. You may not be able to control your emotions, but you can choose the way to deal with them.
4 don't label yourself. Many sensitive people have had the unfortunate experience of being humiliated and nicknamed, such as being called a crying baby or a whiner. Unfortunately, these humiliations can be used as labels for sensitive people. Sensitive people will believe these labels, even if they are not. If you label yourself, you may focus on one aspect of yourself (which may be bad) and define yourself accordingly.
Subvert these negative labels by redefining yourself. This means abandoning old labels and interpreting yourself from a broader perspective.
For example, a young man cried because he was lost, but the ridicule of others "crying baby" made her leave angrily. Instead of indulging in this humiliation, she thought, "I am not a crybaby." I do get emotional sometimes. I may cry more than people who are not emotional, but I am trying to correct this. Bullying someone who is already crying is very bad behavior. I will never treat others like this again. "
5. Determine the causes of sensitive emotions. You may or may not know what triggered your sensitive emotions. The human brain may develop an "automatic coping mechanism" to deal with certain stimuli, such as stress. Over time, this coping mechanism will become a habit, allowing you to react to something unconsciously. Fortunately, you can restrain this mechanism and cultivate new habits.
The next time you feel fear, anxiety, anger and other emotions, stop what you are doing and focus on your senses. What do your five senses feel? Don't judge your feelings, just record them truthfully.
This method is actually a kind of "self-observation", which can help you extract all kinds of information flows that make up emotions. Sometimes we get caught up in a certain emotion and can't sort out the mixed emotions and sensory experiences. Calm down and focus on your senses. Refining this information helps to reshape the brain's "spontaneous" habits.
For example, when dealing with stress, the brain may make your heart beat faster and make you feel nervous. This kind of reaction is a normal coping mechanism of the body, and you will have different views when you understand this.
Taking notes can also have the same effect. Whenever you are emotional, please record this moment. Your feelings, your sensory experience, your thoughts and your surroundings should be recorded. By understanding this knowledge, you can better cope with the challenges.
Sometimes, the sensory experience of being in a place or smelling a familiar fragrance can also trigger some emotional reactions. For example, the taste of apple pie may make you sad, because you and your new grandmother often make apple pie together. This reaction is normal. Just focus on this matter and understand why you feel sad: "I feel sad because I have a lot of fun making apple pie with my grandmother." I miss her very much. " After sadness, we should adopt a more positive attitude: "Let's make an apple pie today to commemorate grandma."
6 see if you have the psychology of * * *. When you associate your self-worth and identity with other people's behaviors and reactions, it constitutes existential psychology. You may think that the meaning of life is to make sacrifices for your partner. If the other person doesn't support your thoughts and actions, you will be heartbroken. In love, the psychology of * * * is very common, but this emotion may also appear in other types of interpersonal communication. The following are several signs of * * * existence psychology:
Your satisfaction is related to someone.
Although you are aware of your partner's bad behavior, you are still with him.
You work hard and support each other, even if it means sacrificing your health and needs.
You are very anxious about your emotional state.
No good personal consciousness.
Will not refuse others.
You can either completely agree with others or be tit for tat.
* * * Existentialism can be cured. Professional psychological counseling is the best solution, and some mutual aid groups, such as anonymous groups, are also good choices.
Take your time. It is difficult to explore emotions, especially those that exist in some sensitive areas. Psychologists believe that getting out of one's comfort zone is a necessary step for growth, but rushing into it may be counterproductive.
Take time to check your sensitivity. You can spare half an hour every day. After exploring your emotions, let yourself have a rest or do something you like to change your mood.
When you deliberately ignore your sensitive emotions because of discomfort and difficulties, please make a record in time. Procrastination is usually caused by fear. People will procrastinate for fear of misfortune. Tell yourself that you can handle these difficulties, and then deal with them actively.
If you really can't summon up the courage to deal with your emotions, then set yourself an easy goal. You can start with a 30-second deadline, as long as you face your own sensitivity within 30 seconds. These little efforts will make you stronger.
Allow yourself to feel emotions. Avoiding oversensitivity doesn't mean that you can't feel your emotions. Suppressing or denying one's emotions may cause harm. You should admit negative emotions such as anger, sadness, fear and sadness, instead of letting them control your emotions. Negative emotions, like positive emotions, are elements of healthy emotions.
Create a safe space for yourself and let yourself express your feelings. For example, if you feel sad because of loss, give yourself some time to ease it. Take some time to explore your emotions, have a good cry, or taste your inner feelings and choose a method that you think is appropriate. I will return to my normal life then. Face up to your emotions and you will feel better. Don't be trapped in an emotion all day, which is not good for your health. With a safe space where you can express your emotions, you can better shoulder the responsibilities in your daily life.
Method 2: Examine your own thoughts.
1 Cognitive distortion may cause over-sensitivity and needs to be understood. Cognitive distortion is a long-term bad thinking and reaction habit formed by the brain. You can learn how to recognize cognitive distortions and how to deal with them.
Cognitive distortion usually does not appear alone. When you explore your own thinking mode, you will find that cognitive distortion will appear in many forms when facing a single emotion or event. Take more time to understand your coping mechanism, so as to understand what is beneficial and what is useless.
There are many forms of cognitive distortion, and the common problems related to oversensitivity include personalization, labeling, always speaking with the word "should", emotionalization and jumping to conclusions.
2 Understand and deal with personalized problems. Personalization is a common cognitive distortion, which can lead to emotional oversensitivity. People who look at things personally will blame themselves for things that have nothing to do with themselves or are beyond their control, and will also take things that are not aimed at themselves to heart.
If your child is criticized by the teacher, you may blame yourself for personal attacks: "My daughter's teacher thinks I am an incompetent father! How can she humiliate my educational philosophy so much! " This kind of thinking will make you overly sensitive, because you mistake criticism for accusation.
Look at things objectively. It takes time to do this, so be more patient with yourself. Find out what happened and how much you know about this situation. If the teacher tells parents that their children should listen carefully in class, they are not condemning their incompetence. This is to help your children improve their studies, not to humiliate their parents.
3 Identify and reject labels. The idea of labeling is extreme and usually occurs at the same time as personalization. While labeling yourself, you generalize yourself because of something or a certain behavior, but these things do not mean that you are a person.
For example, if your paper gets a bad review, you may feel like a loser and have accomplished nothing. Defining yourself as nothing means that you have no confidence in yourself and are unwilling to work hard to improve yourself. This idea will make you feel ashamed, and it will make it difficult for you to accept criticism, because you will take all criticism as an accusation.
Correctly understand mistakes and challenges, sum up experience and work hard for future growth. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself because the paper got a bad review, it is better to correctly understand your mistakes and sum up your experience. You can think like this: "It's really hard not to write a good paper this time, but it's no big deal. I will have a good talk with the teacher and try to write better next time. "
Recognize and correct the bad habit of always saying "should". The sentence of "should" will set unattainable standards for yourself and others, thus causing harm. People who say such things are always too focused on the outside world's views, thus ignoring what is really meaningful. Once you can't finish what you should do, you will punish yourself and lose the will to change. This kind of speaking habit can cause guilt, loss and even anger.
For example, you may say to yourself, "I really need to lose weight." I can't be so lazy anymore. "Doing this is actually to motivate yourself through guilt, but guilt can't motivate a person very well.
Understand the hidden reasons behind "should" and correct this thinking mode. For example, do you think you should lose weight because of other people's opinions? Or is it under the pressure of social aesthetics? These reasons are unhealthy and should not be used as reasons for doing things.
If you think you should lose weight for the sake of health because of the doctor's advice, then change this "should" thinking and put forward more constructive suggestions: "I want to be healthy, so I want to eat more healthy food." Thinking in this way will help you avoid being overly sensitive, make you respond to challenges more actively, and be beneficial to your long-term development.
Sentences with "should" will also make you sensitive when communicating with people. For example, if the other person you are talking to doesn't perform as expected, you will feel very depressed. If you think the other person "should" be excited about what you say, but the other person doesn't act according to your idea, you will feel unhappy. You can't control other people's emotions and reactions, so don't expect too much of each other.
Recognize the danger of sentimentality and correct this shortcoming. Sensible people will feel that what they think is the truth. This cognitive distortion is very common. With a little effort, you can realize and avoid this problem.
For example, you may feel hurt when your boss criticizes your completed project. Because of the outbreak of negative emotions, emotional people will think that the boss is unfair. They may feel like a loser and a worthless employee. Such an idea lacks logical support.
In order to avoid being emotional, you can record the negative emotions you have experienced and then write down your feelings. Then observe the actual situation of things and ask yourself, are you imagining the truth? In many cases, emotional assumptions do not represent the facts.
Recognize and correct the habit of jumping to conclusions. The principle of jumping to conclusions is similar to that of emotion. People who jump to conclusions usually ignore the facts and focus only on the negative content. In extreme cases, they will let negative emotions spread and things get out of control.
Speculating about other people's thoughts is a kind of jumping to conclusions, which may cause excessive sensitivity. When you try to figure out what others think, you will feel that others' attitude towards you is negative, even if it is only your imagination.
For example, if your partner doesn't reply to your message in time and doesn't tell you what you want for dinner, you may feel that the other person is ignoring you. Although there is no evidence to support your guess, you will feel pain and even anger.
Predicting the future is also a kind of jumping to conclusions. You may assert that things are not going well, even if there is no evidence to support your idea. For example, you may completely give up proposing a new project plan for fear of being rejected by your boss.
An extreme example of jumping to conclusions is to think of things as the worst. For example, if your partner doesn't return text messages, you may think that the other person is angry with you. Then you will feel that the other person doesn't want to talk to you, because she has some hidden secrets, for example, she doesn't love you anymore. You may feel that this relationship is completely over and you can only spend the rest of your life alone in your parents' basement. This example is extreme, but it reveals the jumping logic of people who are eager to draw conclusions.
In order not to guess what others think, you can talk openly with others. Don't complain or blame each other, ask for clarification. For example, you can send a message to your partner, "Hey, is there anything you want to tell me?" If the other party gives a negative answer, please trust the other party.
In order to avoid random speculation or excessive pessimism about the future, please carefully check the logic of your thoughts at every step. Is there any basis for your guess? Is the reality consistent with your idea? Usually, you will find loopholes in your jumping logic and practice them, so that you can avoid jumping logic thinking.
Method 3 Take action
1 meditation. Meditation, especially mindfulness meditation, can help you control your emotions. The focus of mindfulness meditation is to admit and accept the current emotions without any emotions. This practice is conducive to overcoming overly sensitive emotions. You can take a meditation class, practice meditation according to the online guide, or practice it yourself.
Find a quiet place where you won't be distracted. Sit up straight on the floor or in a straight-backed chair. If you don't sit up straight, it's hard to breathe smoothly.
Focus on the basic elements of breathing and start meditation. You can focus on the ups and downs of the chest and the sound of breathing. Take a deep breath and take a few minutes to focus on the above breathing elements.
Distract your attention to your senses. You can focus on hearing, touch and smell, so that you can close your eyes and not be disturbed by the colorful world.
Accept your thoughts and feelings and don't judge them. When these feelings and ideas are gradually strengthened, it is best to admit their existence. For example, "I feel my fingertips are cold now, and I feel absent-minded."
If you feel upset, please turn your attention to your breathing. Spend 15 minutes meditating every day.
You can find online tutorials on mindfulness meditation on the websites of UCLA and BuddhaNet.
2 Learn to communicate effectively. Many times, people will become sensitive and abnormal because they can't clearly express their needs and feelings. If you are too passive in communication, you will find it difficult to refuse others, or you will not openly communicate your thoughts and feelings with others. Learning how to communicate effectively can help you convey your thoughts and feelings to others and make you feel valued and respected.
Express your feelings in first-person sentences, such as "If you are late for an appointment, I will be sad" or "I am used to getting to the appointment place early because I am afraid of being late". Doing so can prevent the other person from thinking that you are accusing him, and at the same time, you can focus on your own feelings.
Ask some questions about the dialogue during the conversation. Especially in that kind of emotional conversation, asking more relevant questions can help you better understand the conversation and avoid overreaction. When the other person has finished speaking, you can ask, "Is that what you just said?" Then give each other a chance to make it clear.
Avoid "absolute orders". Words like "should" and "should" have the meaning of moral judgment, which will make people feel that you are accusing or demanding the other party. Replace the above words with "I think" and "I hope you can". For example, it is better to say "I hope you can remember to throw away the garbage" than "you should remember to throw away the garbage". If you forget, I have to do everything. "
Don't be paranoid. Don't always think you know everything, but listen to other people's ideas and experiences. When asking the other person's opinion, you can say, "What do you think?" "What do you think?"
Admit that everyone's experience is different. Arguing about who is right and who is wrong will make you feel great excitement and anger. Emotion is a subjective product, and there is little right or wrong. In the process of discussion, add "My experience is different from yours", then recognize other people's emotions and let everyone express their opinions.
Don't make a decision until you calm down. Emotion will affect your attitude towards events. A decision made on impulse will make you regret it later. Give yourself a few minutes to calm down before you make a decision.
Ask yourself what you would do if something happened. "What will happen if I do this?" Think about the consequences of things and the measures you take from both positive and negative aspects, and then make a reasonable decision.
For example, you may have just had a heated argument with your partner. Your heart is broken with anger, and you want to divorce immediately. Take a moment to think about the consequences. What will happen if you file for divorce? Your partner will feel sad. When you all calm down, she will feel angry. You cannot be trusted. She may suppress herself. Are these the results you want to see
Pity yourself and others. You may be too sensitive to avoid situations that make you nervous or unhappy. You may feel that there are too many uncertainties in a relationship, so you don't want to maintain interpersonal relationships, or just maintain a shallow friendship. If you feel hurt, don't speculate maliciously, but have understanding and sympathy for everyone. Everyone, including your relatives and friends, actually makes mistakes.
If you feel hurt, you can tell your lover through effective communication. They may not know that you are hurt. If they really love you, they will try to avoid similar situations in the future.
Don't blame others. For example, if your friend forgets to have lunch with you and you feel sad, don't just go up and say, "You forgot me, which makes me really unhappy", but say, "I'm sad because you forgot our lunch. Being with you is very important to me. " Then let the other person share his feelings and ask him, "What's wrong? Would you like to talk to me? "
Not everyone is willing to discuss their feelings and experiences, especially what just happened. If your lover doesn't want to share his feelings with you right away, don't be sad. This doesn't mean that you have done anything wrong. The other person just needs time to digest emotions.
Treat yourself like a friend. Don't say hurtful things to your friends or yourself.
Please consult a professional doctor if necessary. Sometimes, despite your efforts to deal with sensitive emotions, you still feel stressed. Talking with a professional doctor allows you to explore your emotions and reactions in a safe and friendly environment. A professionally trained therapist or counselor can help you find harmful thinking patterns and teach you new ways to control your emotions healthily.
Sensitive people may need outside help to cope with negative emotions and deal with emotional problems. Seeing a psychiatrist is not a sign of mental illness, it is just a useful skill to help you get along with life.
The average person will get help from a psychologist. Even if you are not mentally ill and have not suffered a major blow, it is good to talk to psychological counselors and psychologists more. These psychologists are like dentists. Although psychotherapy is sometimes regarded as taboo compared with the treatment of trauma, many people become healthier through psychotherapy.
Many people think that people should strive for self-improvement and endure all the pain. This idea is very bad. Trying to overcome emotional problems is understandable, but it doesn't mean that you can't get outside help. Some diseases, such as depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety and so on, will make patients unable to solve their emotional problems on their own. There is nothing wrong with seeking outside help in this situation, which proves that you care about yourself.
Most counselors and therapists have no right to prescribe drugs. But these professionally trained doctors know when to find an expert or pharmacist for you to diagnose, prescribe medicine and treat anxiety and other diseases.
Hypersensitivity may be a symptom of other psychological diseases such as depression. Many people have been sensitive to human nature since childhood, and that sensitivity is not a disease for them, but a personality trait. If a person becomes unusually sensitive from normal circumstances and has symptoms such as crying and irritability, it may be a sign of mental illness.
Some oversensitivity is caused by depression, which will cause patients to have various emotions (both good and bad emotions may appear).
Chemical disorders in the body may also lead to oversensitivity. Pregnant women will be very emotional, and adolescent boys will be very emotional. Certain drugs and treatments can also cause mood changes.
Professional doctors will screen you for depression. Self-diagnosis is convenient, but it is best for doctors to judge whether a person is depressed or oversensitive for some reason.
7 Be patient. Emotional growth, like physical growth, takes time and will encounter problems in the process of growth. It is human nature to make mistakes. What you need is to learn from your mistakes. It's normal to have problems when growing up.
Sensitive young people will encounter more problems than sensitive adults. With the growth of age, people will control their emotions more effectively and gain valuable experience.
Remember, before you do something, you should have a comprehensive understanding, otherwise it will be like straying into a new area without seeing the map clearly, and you will get lost because of insufficient preparation. Explore your mind map, you can better understand your sensitivity and find ways to deal with sensitive emotions.