There is absolutely no chance to keep in touch with you after breaking up. There must be a purpose for leaving his ex ambiguous in the address book.
No matter what the contact content is, it is not uncommon to keep in touch after breaking up. Most of them chat with you as friends. In the end, the polarization is obvious, either the dialogue can't go on, gradually fade away, or get back together.
Many consultants told me that they really thought they could be friends when they broke up. What happened afterwards? I can be friends in bed for a while at most, right?
Intimacy can only be maintained by looking forward and not taking a step back. Unless you still have business dealings, what contact information will you take? Isn't it embarrassing to say hello every day?
This problem becomes a problem because most people think it is difficult for their predecessors to keep in touch with themselves.
According to the experience, there are basically the following possibilities to keep in touch after the ex-breakup:
First, break up and force you to make concessions.
Fake breakup Jimei people should be very good at it. They should break up and let each other make it up. Usually break up after quarreling. In fact, they just want each other to compromise. For example, "If you don't pick me up today, we will break up!" Essentially, it is tough to coerce the other party to meet their own needs.
A woman's fake breakup is easy to tell. They usually like fake breakups when they lose their temper, but fake breakups are not a woman's patent. It's okay for men to pretend to break up, but it's not so easy to tell.
Your ex still keeps in touch with you after breaking up, which is probably just a fake breakup you didn't realize. He kept in touch with you in order to give you a chance to save him. For example, your ex was dissatisfied with your intimate relationship with other members of the opposite sex, so she broke up. In fact, he just wants you to keep your distance from other members of the opposite sex in order to keep him.
Second, unfinished business.
Men don't do things that don't pay off. Contact after breaking up, maybe they have unfinished business with you. In this case, he didn't break up falsely. He really decided to break up with you, usually because there are irreconcilable contradictions between you, but the contradictions have nothing to do with his inner feelings. Emotionally, he can't control his remaining feelings. His present state is what we often say: reluctantly give up what one favours.
This kind of reluctantly giving up what one favours generally includes several psychological states:
1. It's hard to get out of the pain of breaking up for the time being.
Who can stand that you once raised me and parted ways in an instant? When breaking up, contradictions accumulated to a certain extent, which brought too much harm to the other party. Now he is immersed in those contradictions, and his mind is full of "he really doesn't love me enough, so it will bring me such great harm." It's hard to get out at the moment, and I hope to get along with you constantly to reduce the pain. In fact, I want you to help him out of this lovelorn period.
Frankly speaking, this is not a good way for a lovelorn person. Trying to break up and get back in touch is like taking drugs. It's endless, but I don't care what others think, just know that he may be using you as a tool to help him in Du Jie.
2. Waste testing, I want to see your reaction.
Under the premise of breaking up contradictions, it is actually a waste test for the other party to keep in touch with you at this time. He knows he can't solve this contradiction, and wants to see if you can solve it and if you have the will to continue this relationship. Although I have been rejecting you, I am inevitably curious about how much you can pay for this relationship.
My predecessor is actually hesitating at this time. To put it bluntly, whether we can get back together depends mainly on your's performance. If you show a positive attitude and extend an olive branch, he may follow in your footsteps. But if you are indifferent and continue to communicate as friends, then you are likely to become real friends, and the relationship depends on your thoughts.
3. Maintain stability. I don't believe you can change it. I'm afraid of making the same mistake as you.
The collapse of trust is usually the direct cause of this breakup. We quarreled at the beginning of running-in, and everyone believed that the other party could change after reconciliation, but it was so many times that we broke up. It's hard for each other to believe that the other person can change, only that "he is that kind of person, he is not suitable for me."
At this point, even if I still have deep feelings for each other, I have to mention breaking up. Because he has decided that you are not the right person, you can't change a person who suits him.
When I was a lover, I quarreled all day, making a chicken fly and a dog jump. Now take a step back and become friends, but find the balance point of harmonious coexistence. His state of mind is very stable now, because you are in a good state, you can meet some of his basic emotional needs, and you can't put pressure on him without the constraints of lover status, so he enjoys his present state very much.
He is afraid of repeating the same mistakes, and you will return to the state of chicken flying and dog jumping and contradictions. This fear is actually an anxiety about feelings. Deep down, he actually agrees that you love each other, but because love is hard, there will always be emotional friction, so his lust stops here.
4. Temporary escape
The other party just keeps in touch with you and may not know what to do. After he broke up, he couldn't erase his face again. He felt that there was something missing from getting back together, but he was upset when he thought about it, so he didn't delve into it. He just wants to enjoy this state and doesn't want to solve the problem.
He doesn't know that breaking up needs a clear ending. Even if he thinks you are terrible, he will tell you what is terrible responsibly.
In essence, this is an escape. I don't want to face tough problems. I just want to get in touch with them in such a shameful way and tell myself, "I have to reconsider." Actually, it's just an excuse for not facing it.
Third, the inertia and dependence of emotion.
Two people have been together for a long time, and some habits can be changed without wanting to change. Just like in TV series, I think of calling my ex as soon as I am in danger after breaking up. Because I used to tell each other in advance, and I did the same thing unconsciously after breaking up.
Many men are used to taking care of and protecting their girlfriends, and it is still difficult to refuse each other's demands after breaking up. This is because emotions are inertial and it is impossible to pull away quickly after breaking up. The consistency and dependence produced by two people after a long period of running-in can not be cut off in a short time.
Female friends often complain to me that their partners are confused with their predecessors. Actually, this is a fact.
However, inertia and dependence do not mean that I still have feelings for you, and contacting you does not mean that I still like you. Just as you are used to taking that road when you come home from work, it is not because you like that road, but because you are not used to taking a strange road.
He is used to having you in his life, so he will contact you if he needs anything. He needs time to change. At this time, if you want to save it, you actually have a great advantage, because there are many unique memories in your habits. Using the emotional inertia of the other party can promote the warming of emotions more quickly.
Fourth, leave a spare tire and leave a way out for your feelings.
There is an ex who is always at arm's length. Whenever you think he wants to get back together with you, he is cold to you, making you feel that you think too much. But when you automatically keep your distance, he will take the initiative to contact you and continue to give you some sweetness.
This kind of person keeps pushing and pulling the relationship, never giving a clear answer, or lurking around you in the name of a friend, looking for you when you are lonely, or even having a physical relationship for no reason, in fact, it is raising a spare tire.
You are sorry that he abandoned you. He didn't want to cut you off, so he kept contacting you, teasing you, and riding a donkey to find a horse.
Everyone has egoism, and we can't find a better one to make up for a less good one. It's cruel to say so, but this is the reality-you're just not that kind to him. Obviously, you can meet some of his needs, but you can't meet all his emotional needs.
His ideal state is to find the perfect husband and wife in his heart, but his ideal is difficult to realize. What should I do? Keep a spare tire for yourself. He is also afraid that he will regret breaking up with you one day, and keeping in touch with you will become a redeeming advantage.
I'd like to ask you a few questions first. Why did my predecessor keep in touch with himself?
1. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
2. If your ex offered to get back together with you, would you agree?
Do you think you will make the same mistake if you get back together?
Will breaking up with your ex affect your present life?
Asking these questions is to make you face your heart. In fact, the questions related to the predecessor basically include "is it possible to have a relationship with the predecessor?" If you ask me what I think, I can only tell you that if you keep in touch like this, it will definitely affect your next feelings. It is impossible for incumbents not to mind the contact of their predecessors, especially men.
So now there are three roads in front of you,
First of all, the broken connection is over. Since then, Xiao Lang has been a passer-by.
Second, take the initiative to compound, the second time. There are also many problems you have to solve on this road.
Third, stay where you are and keep in touch. This road is basically dragging.
The first way is decisive, so don't regret it if you choose.
The second way, based on the good contact now, no matter what the other party is still hesitating, I suggest you help him make this redemption decision.
For example, if the other person still asks you good morning and good night, you can boldly call him or ask him out. You can find excuses to create more opportunities to get along with each other, such as "I bought a movie ticket for a couple's seat, but I found it seems that you used to watch it with me, so you should watch it with me this time", and seize every opportunity to actively warm up the relationship. As long as you start to reject this ambiguous connection, the relationship upgrade is not far away.
I don't recommend the third way to delay. No matter what the other person thinks, you must always have your own ideas. The consequence of procrastination is that you are entangled with your ex, which will affect you to continue to enter the next relationship.
Think about what your predecessor will think and what your current one will think if you say good morning and good night to each other after entering the next relationship.
Furthermore, no matter what others think, can you choose clearly between the two relationships? Don't have so much confidence in yourself. When you are wavering, you are the one guarding the spare tire. Don't think it's okay to have a spare tire. Keeping a spare tire is time-consuming and laborious. The biggest drawback is that there is a high probability that the bamboo basket will draw water with a sieve, and nothing will be gained after being exposed to the rain and dew.
Therefore, if you want to break up, you will break up. If you want to save it, you should act quickly. No matter what the purpose of the other party contacting you is, you just need to do what you want.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.