Many friends have asked me this question. It is not that we don't love our parents. It's not that we don't want to be nice to them. But why do we have so many problems when we get along with our parents?
Parents like to impose their ideas on us, parents like not to listen to our opinions, parents always think that we have not grown up, and parents even think that we are not filial.
In the face of parents' accusations, we often feel irrefutable. Do we really have so many shortcomings in our parents' minds? Is it really that bad?
Today, Lord Ben will solve this mystery. By the way, I answered both questions. )
Parent-child relationship is a relationship that everyone is arranged and fixed at birth.
China's post-80s and post-90s generations have a very significant parent-child relationship because of their times and family background.
Parents born after 80s and 90s are mostly born after 50s and 60s. After the founding of the People's Republic of China, this generation experienced the great pain of the Great Famine and the Cultural Revolution. The mantra they still mention today is "When I have no money to eat ...". This generation has a deep fear of survival and hunger.
In the growing years after 1980s and 1990s, most of them lived in an environment where basic materials were not lacking. Because of the country's one-child policy, the family structure of this generation of children is generally a family of three with one parent and one child. In 20 years of advertising, parents are on the left and right sides of children, and children are holding hands with their parents on both sides, which once became a beautiful picture of a so-called happy family after more than 20 years.
In this context, it is common for children to be separated from their parents. Due to strong historical factors, these barriers have become the same as the laws of nature, and it is difficult for us to break down.
One of the obstacles: values
The fundamental difference between our parents and our values is that most parents think you are my child and I don't need to respect you.
Parents will peek at our letters, rummage through our mobile phones and ask about our private lives. We will feel that this undermines the most basic respect between people.
The second obstacle: world outlook
Our parents may have lived in a small city or village for many years. And we, because of education, tourism, love and work, will travel all over the country, western Europe and the Middle East. Our parents still believe in news broadcast, but we are used to getting information from the Internet. We often laugh at our parents in our hearts. We have walked so many bridges, but we still don't know what the real world is like.
The third level: outlook on life
Our parents tend to let us choose a stable job, emphasizing "parents are here, don't travel far" and sighing "where has the time gone", feeling that our life's hard work has been devoted to us.
However, we feel that if we don't do something interesting in life, how can we live up to these short decades?
We bought tickets and signed up for a good group to let our parents travel, but our parents quietly returned the tickets and nagged about saving money. Use it when buying air conditioners. Parents quietly turn it off and say it can be used when it is hottest.
Parents often say that because of us, they have lost all kinds of opportunities in life. On the one hand, we feel that our parents are great, on the other hand, we feel wronged, as if we were accused of something inexplicably.
The way to crack
First, understand your parents. You don't have to be angry and sad about it. I knew that when they grew up, a family of five or more people would squeeze into a small house of several square meters, and the family heard nothing. In this environment, I really can't remember the word "respect". When you grow up, you will find that all kinds of parents have their own reasons, and these reasons, although subjective, also have irresistible objectivity in the hand of history. When you think like this, you will understand your parents' difficulties, and you will willingly "indulge" your parents' behaviors that you could not accept before.
Second, protect yourself. As you grow up, you will run your own family. You have the responsibility to be the husband and father of your family, wife and children. This responsibility sometimes does not allow you to compromise with your parents. When such conflicts occur, we must try our best to find a balance between all relationships. Of course, the ideal situation is to prepare in advance and plan ahead. When your consciousness begins to wake up, it is necessary to establish a "super friendship relationship" between you and your parents.
I hope everyone can have a good relationship with their parents, or live the life they want, because I think it doesn't matter if they don't love them. It's not bad to stay away from your parents or suppress them for life. Life doesn't have to be forced!