0 1. There is a problem in importing "You are still a stranger to yourself":
"Let a season of clothes away. Last season, can you really cut them? "
This question is really difficult for most men who are still addicted to their last relationship. Maybe, not all men are fickle, maybe not all men are particularly utilitarian, and in some men's hearts, maybe there really is a secluded eternal "Bai Yueguang".
Even though this "Bai Yueguang" may never shine in his world, men will always keep her in their hearts, never forget her, and even remember her for a lifetime.
Even if it is a thorn that goes deep into his bone marrow, it will hurt every time he recalls it, but the man is still unwilling to pull it out.
Even if a man enters the marriage hall and has another half, the "Bai Yueguang" in his heart will always be the love of his life, and he will always take it out and remember it, even if it affects his present life.
So some people say that there are always two women in a man's world, and the first one is often a man's favorite.
Although they all know that this persistence of "once the sea is difficult for water, it will always be amber" is stupid and unfair to his wife. In the long run, it will definitely have a serious impact on his married life, but he can't get rid of it. what should he do ？
Put it in the box.
02. Case: Mr. Lin's talk (authorization)? Hello, Mei Niang. My name is LAM Raymond. I am 26 years old and work in a town government in our hometown. My wife Xiao Ye and I have been married for less than half a year.
People often say to stand at thirty. Because I got married before I was 30 years old, it made many people envy me. But for me, work and marriage are dull and boring. I feel this way because I once had an unforgettable but painful first love.
My first love was Yu Meng. She was my girlfriend in my junior year. We talked about a sweet and romantic relationship for two years. Every corner of the campus has left footprints that we walked side by side and also recorded our happiness.
But not long after graduation, this happiness came to an abrupt end. Because our hometown is more than 2000 miles apart, her parents don't trust to marry their baby daughter to a foreign land. Her parents' attitude was only slightly relaxed under the soft grinding and hard bubble of rain: unless I am willing to work and settle in her hometown city.
However, I am the only child in my family, and my parents want me to be admitted to the local civil servants and be safe with them. How can we achieve "uxorilocal"?
I struggled with my parents for a whole year. I didn't read a pile of dusty books on my desk in the civil service exam, which made my mother angry.
It was not until Yu Meng sent me a message later that I gave up the confrontation with my parents.
Yu Meng said: "We may be doomed to lose our share in this life, because I can't bear to leave my parents, and I can't bear to make my parents angry and sad for themselves. If there is an afterlife, she will definitely meet me. "
Seeing this breakup message, my heart was broken, but I was helpless. Once I ran to Yu Meng's house and sat in front of her house all night. She never opened the door.
I was depressed for two months, and then I gradually got out of this pain under the persuasion of my parents. Pick up the books on the desk and start studying hard for the civil service exam.
In the second year, I took the provincial exam and was admitted to the civil service. Later, under the arrangement of my parents, I married my present wife, Xiao Ye.
At first, Xiao Ye and I got along well. But then the relationship between husband and wife became worse and worse. The reason is: she accidentally dug out a scarf embroidered with the word "Meng" from the bottom of my wardrobe, and when she saw that I had been hiding the scarf, she asked me to come. I couldn't stand the interrogation, so I confessed my first love history to her.
Xiao Ye immediately threw the scarf into the trash can and stepped on it. I rushed to grab the scarf, so I pushed Xiao Ye to the ground. Since then, the contradiction between our husband and wife has also intensified.
To tell the truth, I know I'm sorry for Xiao Ye, but in my heart, love is always raining. I married Xiao Ye just to fulfill the mission that my parents often say, "Men should marry when they are older, and women should marry when they are older." And I always think that Yu Meng's refusal is likely to be hidden, or because I was not good to her later. Anyway, it is still possible for us to be together.
I also appreciate Xiao Ye's conduct in life, attitude and ability in work, but I know it's not love. Because Xiao Ye and I didn't have any heartache when we first met, and we didn't have that burning passion when we got married.
But I can't divorce her, because I care about the outside world's eyes and rumors, and I care more about the deep harm that divorce will bring to my parents.
What should I do? Mei Niang, disturbed by the contradiction between husband and wife, I really don't know what to do!
03. Mei Niang said? "Why do you want to pull her into your life? Why do you want to break your own calm rhythm and pursue complexity? "
Yes, why? You have a good job now, and your wife should be suitable for you, but why do you have to bring the man from last season into your life?
You will say, because of love, because you really love her, but you know what? Behind these high-sounding answers is your own "eagerness".
What is this "impulse"? On the surface, it is your first love complex, but you are persistent. Actually, it's because your favorite thing hasn't been completed.
The book mentions a memory experiment by German psychologist Zegnak, which found that people are always more enthusiastic about unfinished things than what has been done.
The reason why men are obsessed with "Bai Yueguang" is because they haven't finished watching the romantic drama that intoxicated them, so they can't put it down.
For many men, what you can't get is always the best, and it's not surprising that you can get it easily. "Bai Yueguang" is so beautiful and bright in men's hearts, because men can't have her. On the other hand, if a man owns it, he won't feel how precious it is.
As Taiwan Province writer Zhang Ailing said:
"Married a red rose, over time, the red rose turned into mosquito blood on the wall, and the white rose was still' the bright line at the foot of my bed'; I married a white rose, which is rice residue on my clothes, red or Zhu Shazhi in my heart. "
So, men who are troubled by the "first love complex" wake up! There is no incomparable Bai Yueguang, that's just a psychological hint you give yourself, because you can't have it!
"To yourself, you are still a stranger" said:
"All this is because he hasn't walked out of the shadow of the past, projected the unfinished knot on his predecessor and unconsciously forced nostalgia."
Authentic postage: You are still a stranger to yourself. Counselor Zhu Guo Jiangjun spent 42 yuan to buy it. Yes, but the breakup has drawn a line, and no matter who it is, it is no longer qualified to tie the future to this side of the line.
However, instead of indulging in the past relationship, it is better to take some time to take care of your own life, because if a man has no independent personality and always wants to find security, confidence and happiness from the past relationship, then even if he really achieves his wish, he will still not be happy.
In the sky of love, who doesn't want to fly with the person they love deeply? But it also got rid of the doomed swallow and the lonely Hong who wandered alone.
However, whether it is the mistake that leads to being unable to be together or the forced helplessness that leads Laoyan to fly away, it will eventually become a thing of the past. Why do you want to turn this pain into a thorn and stick it in your heart, but don't want to pull it out? Isn't that stupid? Even though there may always be two women in a man's world, the first one is often the favorite, but so what?
"To yourself, you are still a stranger" mentioned:
"Seeing yourself clearly is the beginning of change."
Dear, I hope you can see yourself clearly and understand that you are just a kind of unwilling psychology, then you will no longer cling to and cherish what you have, and then you will definitely get the favor of happiness in the near future.
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I'm Mei Niang, your closest emotional counselor. If you are emotionally confused, please trust me privately, and Mei Niang will lead you out of your confusion.