Unmarried children cause disputes, and the two sides go to court. She gambled too much and gambled all three of us. When youth is faced with impulsiveness and recklessness, when feelings are on the verge of breaking down, what can be used to save love?
Juanzi: "I just want to ask when there will be a verdict. I want to see my son as soon as possible? "
Judge: "obey the rules, don't worry."
Juanzi: "OK, thanks."
This girl named Juanzi is an unmarried mother. Juanzi's child is over 1 years old and is now raised by the child's father. A few days ago, Juanzi called the child's father and asked to see the child, but he was refused.
Juanzi: "I have been back for more than a month. I want to see the dolls."
Lu Kang: "The child is in Beijing now, not to say that he will see it soon. There is already a complete family, and he is already very stable. We can't let the children fly over. Fly over. "
Juanzi: "Is it wrong for me to look after the children?"
Lu Kang: "I thought you thought it was funny."
Juanzi: "It's not funny. It's really not fun. It's good to say goodbye. I thought it was fun at first, because at first I thought the game had started. "
Juanzi has been working in Zhangjiagang City, Jiangsu Province. On the 11th National Day this year, she made a special trip back to Chengdu to see the children. Unexpectedly, the child's father wouldn't let her see it. In order to see his son, Juanzi had to give up his job in Zhangjiagang and rent a house in Chengdu. After repeatedly asking to see her son was rejected by the father, she had to take the father to court in June this year 10+08.
In order to see the child, Juanzi took the father to court. All her hopes now rest on the final judgment of the court. What happened between Juanzi and the father? Why did he go to court to see his son?
(Diary of Juanzi)165438+1Tuesday, October 7th, sunny. The court opened yesterday, but there was no verdict. I don't know when I can see my son. I haven't seen my son for 5 months 16 days. I wonder if he has lost weight or gained weight. Has he grown taller? I feel very sorry for my son for not finding a responsible father and giving him a complete home. Son, mom is sorry for you. "
In March 2004, Chengdu was full of spring. March 9th is an unforgettable day for Juanzi, who is 20 years old. That night, she met Lu Kang, a college student, in a bar in Chengdu.
At that time, 23-year-old Lu Kang was a senior in a well-known university in Chengdu, and was in the internship stage. Juanzi works in a car sales company in Chengdu. After they know each other, they often meet, eat and sing together. After a while, the two became attached and lived together a month later.
Juanzi: "Buy you some presents and order a song. No one has ever done this to me before. "
Juanzi's hometown is in rural Sichuan. Her father died and her mother remarried when she was 0/5 years old. After graduating from junior high school, Juanzi left home to work. After Lu Kang entered his life, Juanzi felt an unprecedented sense of happiness. But my friends are not optimistic about this relationship.
Juanzi's friend: "That boy may be fleeting to you, but she thinks he is so kind to her and obsessed."
For a woman in love like Juanzi, persuasion from friends is useless. Juanzi and Lu Kang continue their sweet cohabitation, and she is increasingly dependent on Lu Kang.
Juanzi: "I feel more and more deeply about him, and then I really want to be with him so that he can always care about me, have a warm home and have a child."
Reporter: "When you were with her, didn't you ever think about getting married?"
Lu Kang: "No, it is absolutely impossible to get married. I am still learning. "
After living together in Juanzi and Lu Kang for more than three months, in July 2004, Lu Kang graduated from University and was assigned a job. He has just started working, he travels a lot, and their feelings have changed.
Juanzi: "Maybe they become indifferent after the passion."
Lu Kang: "I was under a lot of pressure at work, and then I paid little attention to her. At that time, I had no time to see her at all. Later, she proposed to break up, and I readily agreed to break up more amicably. "
Lu Kang said that in the face of gradually cold feelings, Juanzi offered to break up. However, regarding the breakup, Juanzi said that Lu Kang was lying and didn't break up at all. The reporter doesn't know the real situation. But the fact is that two months later, in September 2004, Juanzi found herself pregnant. Juanzi hopes that the arrival of this child can keep their love.
Juanzi: "Because the father of the child is also the one I love, I want to keep this child and then keep him. I think he knows I'm pregnant and should marry me, because it's a man's responsibility. It is also to save the feelings between us. "
Although Juanzi wanted to get pregnant and have children to save this relationship, Lu Kang didn't want to do so.
Lu Kang: "After all, I've only known each other for a few months, and I'm still immature. I just started working and have no financial ability to raise children. "
Juanzi: "Then he thought for two days and said, Let's get married and have another child. That's what I said. Anyway, it was awkward at the time. What should I do? My heart is beginning to contradict again. "
Lu Kang doesn't want to marry Juanzi, let alone have this child, but Juanzi wants to keep this child and love. The two sides failed to negotiate many times, so Juanzi turned off the phone and went to Shantou, Guangdong. Lu Kang can't find her. Juanzi's mother and stepfather both work in Shantou, and she decided to have a baby in Shantou.
Reporter: "Have you thought about the responsibilities you will face in your life after this child is born?"
Juanzi: "I didn't think so much. Anyway, if I eat, he will. I will never let him starve to death. "
Reporter: "Let him live, but how can you let him live and have a good education and environment?"
Juanzi: "I don't know. I think I just don't dislike him anyway. "
On May 6th, 2005, Juanzi gave birth to her and her son Lu Kang in Shantou.
Juanzi: "I sent him a short message as soon as I left the operating room. The baby was born. This is a good son. He didn't write back or call me. "
Lu Kang: "I've been waiting there. Suddenly having a son, I feel very surprised and surprised. Being a father is completely unprepared. "
Juanzi said that Lu Kang had neither visited the children in Shantou nor intended to be responsible for them. Juanzi was heartbroken. After the child was full moon, her family advised her to give the child to another family for raising. Juanzi acquiesced in her family's practice.
Juanzi: "They said they would take the children out for others to see, but they didn't bring them back, so they took the money back. Then I saw my son missing, and I was very sad. I stayed up all night, thinking and crying. "
(Juanzi's diary): "I really hate myself. Why don't I have my own ideas and listen to them? " . I was wrong. I should not have sold my son by mistake. "
Egged on by financial difficulties and family members, the child was taken away by fellow villagers and sold for 14000 yuan. Qian said that her mother accepted it. The day after the sale, Juanzi regretted it. He went to Chengdu to find the father of the child.
Juanzi: "Then I told him to get my son back. He didn't say a word at that time, so I said that now that my son is gone, I will turn on the gas and die together. He was very scared at the time, so he begged me, and then said that we would go to get the child back together, and I would go back and raise money to get the child back. "
Juanzi promised to go to Shantou with her to find a child, but Lu Kang didn't show up in the end, which made Juanzi completely disheartened. So she turned to the local police for help, hoping that they could help her find the child. A few days later, the child was found, and then Juanzi returned to Chengdu with her child for more than two months. Think about Juanzi's own primary school culture. It's hard enough to support yourself without a skill. Now there is another child. What should I do with my life? This has become a big problem. What methods should be used to end the emotional entanglement between her and Lu Kang?
Juanzi: "At first, I didn't think about milk powder, buying clothes or asking someone to take it. I didn't think about it. Earn more money, after all, raise a son. I did two jobs at that time. "
Juanzi said that she and her children had a hard life in Chengdu for more than three months, and the father of the child had never seen the child. Juanzi's affection for Lu Kang has changed from initial love to disappointment and resentment.
Juanzi: "After all, it's my own flesh and blood, so I didn't come to see it, and I didn't say I would call to ask. This is really what I can't figure out. It's really amazing. "
With disappointment and resentment towards Lu Kang, Juanzi held her son for more than three months and found the unit where Lu Kang worked. This is the first time that Lu Kang has met his children.
Lu Kang: "Seriously, my brain is blank. At that time, I felt that the child was still very cute and had a sense of intimacy. After all, he is also my child. "
At this time, Lu Kang had to face and solve the children's problems. In May this year, when the child was one year old, Lu Kang and Juanzi reached an agreement: the child was taken care of by the man, and the woman did not bear any expenses. The man pays the woman a one-time compensation fee of 20 thousand yuan, and the woman can visit the child, but she must obtain the consent of the man and shall not affect the growth of the child.
Juanzi: "I really feel like losing him again. I don't know how to meet him. I hate myself and I will never forgive myself. If the court decides not to let me see my son, I will appeal. "
A paper agreement ended a two-year feud between the two men. The child left Juanzi, and Juanzi's heart was empty. Heartbroken Juanzi chose to work in Zhangjiagang, Jiangsu Province, and her children were sent to relatives' homes in Beijing for foster care by Lu Kang.
Lu Kang: "Now children grow up in a very sound family, and then the family conditions are very good. Without children, it is definitely good for children's growth."
Juanzi can't see the child. After taking Lu Kang to court, the court hasn't ruled yet, and Juanzi is still waiting for the result. Juanzi said that her children were sold to Chaozhou as soon as they were born, and then all the way to Chengdu and Beijing. The child has experienced the changes of the world. Juanzi regretted the harm his behavior had done to the children. The former lover has gone through so many things and has lost the warmth of the past.
Juanzi: "I think there is nothing wrong with loving someone, that is, loving the wrong person. I don't think about love or family now. I just want to be with my son and minimize the harm to him. "
Lu Kang: "I never thought this would happen. Because after all, feelings are two people's business, and twisting melons is not sweet, right? It's not fair to me, it's not fair to her and it's not fair to the child. The bet she made was so big that she put all three of us on it. "
36 1 national interaction: how should we treat the upcoming love?
Moderator Zhang Shaogang: The birth of a child didn't save Juanzi's love. On the contrary, all three people are now particularly miserable. Many friends commented on this story on our platform. Some people say that Juanzi is too selfish and doesn't know what love is. He wants to have a statement about his feelings and then bet on his children. Some friends also said that everything in today's society pays attention to speed, everything has become too fast, and even love has become a fast food; Careful netizens calculated the time for them, saying that Juanzi and Lu Kang had lived together and had children for only five months. Do they really know each other? Do they really know how they feel?
Zhang Shaogang: People often say that love is blind. So when love comes, how should we choose? This is our core topic today. In the interactive session, we will connect two people. One is Pang, a reporter from Huaxi Daily, who interviewed for more than ten days. The other is Qiu Wei, the author of the column on marital feelings. Enter today's interactive session.
Moderator: Please ask the director to put us through to Pang first. Xiao Pang, what do you think of these two people through these two days' interviews?
Pang: This is a typical result of young men and women's irrational treatment of love or marriage.
Zhang Shaogang: Pursuing love regardless of the consequences?
Pang: Yes.
Moderator Zhang Shaogang: We also invited an emotional columnist Qiu Wei. Qiu Wei, what do you think of it when we talk about it today?
Qiu Wei: To tell you the truth, I'm actually a little angry. I hate it. It means that she is blackmailing this girl, this girl and her choice several times in the name of love. For example, at the beginning, her goal was very clear, hoping to save this relationship with this child. But think about it, the price is the child's life. If a mother really loves her child as much as you think, have you ever thought that this child will bear the pain you brought him all his life? Children are your chips and become ...
Zhang Shaogang, the host: But do you remember the lyrics? Love really needs courage to face the gossip. Then Juanzi must feel very brave.
Qiu Wei: I think sometimes courage and irresponsibility are just a thin line. We cannot beautify our ideas. Just give it a loving name, and then you can do whatever you want. I don't think this is appropriate. In fact, everyone, both men and women, should have a sense of responsibility. I think that's probably what we need most now. Love that completely ignores the result is actually a particularly reckless love.
Zhang Shaogang, the host: Qiu Wei, do you think some young people believe in feelings too much now?
Qiu Wei: I think their premise is that everyone refuses to face themselves first. I think it is very, very important to know yourself. What exactly is your appeal? And I think many girls may have a misunderstanding. Maybe everything in my future, good or bad, is related to another person. But the fact is, no one has the obligation to take on other people's lives, no matter what relationship this person is, especially lovers, I don't think he has this obligation.
Moderator Zhang Shaogang: Xiao Pang, what are their living conditions now?
Pang: The court's decision has not yet come down. Just two days ago, Juanzi called me and said that Lu Kang asked her to see the children. But until now, she has not been formally asked to see the children.
Zhang Shaogang, the host: Now that person also wants to settle?
Pang: Yes.
Moderator Zhang Shaogang: What suggestions do those two have?
Pang: For them, I suggest that they end it as soon as possible for the sake of that child and start their lives again.
Qiu Wei: I want to give Juanzi a message, which is disgusting. Wald once said that loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong relationship. I think girls, for girls, this is very, very important, and they should have self-esteem.
Moderator Zhang Shaogang: OK, thank you Qiu Wei and Xiao Pang for calling us. Goodbye.
Moderator Zhang Shaogang: Love needs courage, but love also needs responsibility. Each of us will encounter emotional twists and turns when facing our own life. At this moment, we should remind ourselves that feelings must give way to reason. We also hope that Juanzi and Lu Kang in the story can rationally sit down and discuss how they should start their lives again.
I hope you will feel something after reading this story!