Why do you always see children's shortcomings?

This is the problem of parents' concept. Only when the concept changes, can taking care of children do more good than harm, treat the pros and cons correctly, and skillfully turn the disadvantages into advantages. In the evening, the painter retrieved the painting. He found that the whole picture was marked-not a single one was blameless. The painter was very unhappy and disappointed with the attempt. The painter decided to try another method. He copied the same painting and took it to the market for exhibition. But this time, he asked every audience to mark their favorite wonderful pen. When the painter retrieved the painting again, he found that it was covered with marks-the accused strokes were now marked with praise. Comments: It is really a mountain peak on the edge of the ridge. The painting is still that painting, but the result is different. This is because the painter's different requirements guide the viewer's attention. Require attention to the good side, the viewer sees the advantages, requires attention to the bad side, and the viewer sees the shortcomings. Similarly, parents ask themselves to pay attention to the good side or the bad side, which determines whether to regard it as a strength or a weakness. In fact, behind our concern is our own way of thinking. Our way of thinking is guiding and changing the direction of attention. Pay attention to the good side of children and you will see the advantages; If you notice the bad side of the child, you will see the shortcomings. Parents should learn to guide themselves, guide their attention to the good side of their children, and let us see that the advantages of children outweigh the disadvantages. 2, the benefits of neglect: take your eyes off the child. Different parents' attention has different effects. The greater the attention, the greater the problem; If you pay less attention, the problem will be small. If you don't stare at the shortcomings, you won't enlarge them. Zoom in on the advantages. At present, many families have only one Xin Wei, and the hopes of the whole family are pinned on him. So the more people pay attention to him, the more problems they find, and the more shortcomings they have. Some are single-parent families. Parents and children are interdependent, and it is easy to make up for their dreams and lost things through children. Such compensation leads to high expectations and strict requirements for children. When expectations are high, our attention will increase, so that we can see more shortcomings of our children. Some couples are highly educated and have high expectations for their children. They must be admitted to an ideal university and at least reach their preset minimum goals, so it is easy to compare their children with other children, so the more they look at their children, the more problems they have. All the problems stem from the mentality that parents can't afford to lose. They use expectations, requirements, comparisons and standards as whips to force children to move forward and climb up. If the child can't run fast and not far, the shortcomings will come and the advantages will be invisible. At the same time, parents also wrapped themselves in layers and bound themselves in their own woven nets, unable to breathe. In this network, there are anxiety, tension imbalance, insecurity, fear and so on. These negative psychological factors can only be reduced by paying close attention to children, which leads to many shortcomings and problems of parents taking care of their children. If we shift our focus away from children and pay attention to the construction of our own personality and self-improvement, then we will not be too tired, and children will not always bear too many negative things of their own. If we can properly ignore children and not pay too much attention, we can relax ourselves and get rid of high tension, and children will live happily in a normal growth space because of our relaxation. Case "Stuttering" A teacher consulting consultant said that in an open class, one or two places got stuck during the lecture because of nervousness, and occasionally stuttered a few times. So, I think I have a stuttering problem, which bothers me every day. After the consultant's inquiry, I learned that when I was a student, I had studied the stuttering performance in Pan Changjiang's sketches, and later I felt a little stuttering. When his father found out, he thought it was a bad problem and needed to be corrected. So as soon as I find him stuttering, I remind him: "Look at you, you stutter again, pay attention next time!" " "Look, here we go again!" As a result, the son's stuttering problem has been strengthened. As a teacher, there is no problem in class at ordinary times, because I stutter nervously in this open class, and I realize that this problem is very serious. So I came to consult. Comments: This teacher was strengthened by his father when he was a child. When he grew up, he always cared about psychological obstacles. Because he doesn't stutter in front of consultants at all, and he doesn't stutter in front of others, except for the moment in the open class. This was originally a small problem, but under the psychological effect of this teacher, the shortcomings were magnified. 3, the role of distance: stand a little farther to see the child's situation. When some parents communicated with me, they said: Hey, people are so strange. Why do you regard other people's children as advantages, and your own children are all shortcomings? Then she told me a story of herself. One day, she went to school to take her daughter home. One afternoon after an exam. In the classroom, the teacher is busy with parents' inquiries, and the paper is on the podium. She leafed through one by one, trying to find her daughter's papers. One of the documents caught her attention. On the reverse side of the paper is a picture drawn by children according to a children's song. That picture is very good In the dark blue night sky, there are curved moons, sparkling stars and faint clouds beside them. There are several connected mountains under the night sky. The foot of the mountain bends and flows to a distant stream, with a curved bridge on one side. But the whole picture looks reasonable and concise. She couldn't help exclaiming that the child was so nice and imaginative. Whose child is it? I can't help but open the test paper to see the name. As a result, she couldn't help laughing. It turned out that this painting that she greatly admired was her daughter's masterpiece! Distance is beauty. When we look after children, we are too close to them, so it is easy to see their shortcomings, enlarge their shortcomings and ignore their advantages. It's like a blind eye!