How to establish a good helping relationship in psychological counseling

In the process of psychological consultation and counseling, the relationship between counselors or educators and visitors or students is very important. Because counseling is so important, some scholars believe that psychological counseling and counseling is a kind of interpersonal relationship. Patterson, an expert in psychological counseling and therapy, once wrote: Counseling or psychotherapy is a kind of interpersonal relationship. Please note that I'm not saying that counseling or therapy involves interpersonal relationship, I mean it is a kind of interpersonal relationship. In this regard, although there are different opinions, most professional workers agree that the relationship between the counselor and the client who comes to seek help is the most important aspect in psychological counseling and counseling, and it is also the key factor to determine the success or failure of counseling and counseling. In the process of establishing a good relationship, the attitude and corresponding technology of consultants and counselors play a leading role. Rogers believes that the basic conditions are friendship, respect and sincerity. In addition, there are concreteness, immediacy and antagonism. (a) * * * feeling is also called * * * feeling, empathy, empathy and so on. The so-called * * * feeling, Rogers believes that it is to understand the secret world of the parties' hearts, as if they were there. Generally speaking, * * * love is to be able to put yourself in the inner feelings of the party and get information about the party. Seeing the world through other people's eyes is the image of love. * * * Love contains sympathy, but it is not sympathy. Compassion does not necessarily have an understanding and experience of each other's feelings. * * * Love is not only sympathy, but also understanding. In other words, in the process of consultation and counseling, psychological counselors should not only have the ability to correctly understand the feelings of the parties and the meaning of those feelings, but also accurately convey this understanding and experience to both parties. Because of the goodwill, visitors feel understood and accepted, which helps to establish a good consulting relationship and make consultants know visitors better. To accurately express the feelings of * * *, we should pay attention to: 1. We should experience the visitor's inner world from his inner frame of reference; 2. Use words to accurately express the understanding of visitors' inner experience; 3. We can express our understanding of visitors' inner experience through nonverbal behaviors such as eyes, expressions, gestures and actions. 4.* * * The expression of feelings should be timely and appropriate, which varies from person to person; 5. Pay attention to the feedback from visitors, and directly ask the other party if they feel understood if necessary. (2) Respect for unconditional respect is a famous viewpoint put forward by Rogers, that is, the attitude of accepting, paying attention to and caring for visitors also means respecting the status quo, value, rights and personality of visitors. This is an important condition for establishing a good consulting relationship and a key condition for constructive changes in the personality of visitors. The significance of respecting visitors is to create a safe and warm atmosphere for visitors, so that they can express themselves to the greatest extent and gain a sense of self-worth, especially for those visitors who urgently need respect, acceptance and trust. Respect and acceptance have obvious help and are the basis of successful consultation. To show respect, we should pay attention to the following points: 1. Respect is to completely accept a person, including his negative and shortcomings; 2. Respect is based on sincerity, not unprincipled accommodation; 3. Respect means equal treatment, regardless of gender, wealth, origin and status; 4. Respect means being polite, warm and courteous; 5. Respect means mutual trust; 6. Respect means protecting each other's privacy. (3) Sincerity means that psychological counselors truly show themselves in the consultation relationship, keep consistent in appearance and words and deeds, and treat visitors sincerely and faithfully. Sincerity has two meanings, one is that psychological counselors truly show themselves, and the other is to treat visitors sincerely. Sincerity is very important for the consulting relationship, because the sincerity of the consultant not only gives the client a sense of security, but also sets an example for the client. Under the sincere influence and suggestion of psychological counselors, the parties will gradually open themselves frankly, express themselves and reveal their hearts. Sincerity is not so much a skill or method of consultation and counseling as an attitude towards life. In order to help visitors effectively, we need a higher level of sincerity. Properly expressing sincerity is not only a skill, but also an art, because it is a natural expression of sincerity. So pay attention to: 1. Sincerity does not mean telling the truth. Sincerity is related to telling the truth, but it can't be compared. Sincerity should conform to the principle of being responsible for visitors and contributing to their growth, so sincerity can't be said directly, and sometimes the truth doesn't have to be said. 2. Sincerity is not self-venting, it should be moderate, and excessive venting will have negative effects. Sincerely seek truth from facts, don't show too much perfection in front of visitors, add decorative elements, seek truth from facts, neither exaggerate yourself nor sell yourself short. (4) Positive concern, also known as positive concern and positive concern, refers to treating visitors with a positive attitude, paying special attention to the positive aspects, bright sides, strengths and advantages of visitors' words and behaviors, emphasizing positive advantages, and making visitors have positive values. Active concern is an emotional attitude, which involves the basic understanding, evaluation and basic emotions of people. Counseling and counselors want to help visitors change, they must believe that they can change and have positive factors to change themselves; Not only that, I believe everyone has advantages and strengths, and they all have a driving force for growth. Everyone can change themselves through hard work and become better than they are now. This view is very important for counselors. Without this concept, counseling and consultation can't really play a role. Psychological counselors take the initiative to care about visitors, which not only helps to establish a counseling relationship and promote communication, but also has the effect of counseling itself. Positive attention can often help people who seek help fully understand themselves and their surroundings, discover their own advantages, bright side and future hope, thus building confidence and enhancing their courage to overcome difficulties. To use positive attention effectively, we should pay attention to the following aspects: 1. Blind optimism and excessive pessimism should be avoided. One-sided understanding of active psychological counselors will show excessive optimism to visitors, dilute the essence of visitors' problems, and ensure that visitors are at peace. Other psychological counselors are confused by the self-description of the visitors and feel depressed and hopeless, which strengthens the negative pessimism of the visitors. 2. Be practical and realistic, take facts as the basis, pay active attention, and conform to the actual situation of visitors. Otherwise, visitors will think that the counselor is just fooling himself, comforting himself and pleasing himself, which is a manifestation of the incompetence of the counselor. Such positive attention will be counterproductive. 3. Promote visitors to discover their own advantages and strengths, thus promoting self-growth. (5) concretization means that counselors help and guide visitors to express their views clearly and accurately, the concepts and vocabulary used, the emotions and events experienced, so that the conversation topic points to specific facts and details, and the issues discussed by both sides are more clear and accurate. When some visitors come for help, they are often unable to express their thoughts and emotions clearly and accurately because of nervousness and anxiety, and the events and emotions described are often vague, general and abstract. In this regard, the task of the counselor is to clarify the problems expressed by the visitors and grasp the real situation. Without pertinence, counselors can't carry out targeted work and really understand visitors and problems. Therefore, to grasp the concreteness, we should pay attention to two aspects. 1. Find out the specific facts. If the events described by the visitors are vague, the psychological counselor should try to find out the true meaning expressed by the other party. 2. Clarify the specific meaning of vocabulary concepts. Because visitors have different understandings of some vocabulary concepts, it is far from the original intention. If a classmate doesn't tell his customers what he thinks, and the customer thinks his classmate is "hypocritical", obviously this concept is not used properly. This should be analyzed layer by layer and clarified. (6) directness is also called directness and immediacy. Psychological counselors help visitors pay attention to the situation here and now, and don't pay too much attention to the past and future, so as to help the parties to clarify their current needs and feelings. Some visitors only talk about the past or future thoughts, avoiding and downplaying the current problems. At this time, the counselor should guide and influence the parties to express their feelings and ideas here and now. Another meaning of immediacy is that psychological counselors always pay attention to the consulting relationship between themselves and the clients, and give timely responses and feedback to the responses of the clients. For example, "You smiled, and now you feel better" and "You are sad now, aren't you". In English-speaking countries, immediacy is also characterized by the need to use the present tense more in the whole process of psychological consultation and counseling. Instantaneity is a necessary condition for establishing a good consulting relationship, which can encourage visitors to expose themselves more directly and promote more effective communication between visitors and consultants. Attention should be paid to the following issues: 1. Guide visitors to express their current thoughts and feelings in time and avoid paying too much attention to the past and the future. 2. Counselors should be sensitive to the relationship between visitors and themselves, and make immediate response and feedback to the words and deeds of visitors. Adverbs such as "now", "now" and "just" are often used in the consultation process, so that visitors can always pay attention to their thoughts and feelings at this moment. (7) confrontation, also known as opposition, confrontation, and quality. , refers to the psychological counselor pointed out that visitors in the attitude, thinking, behavior and other aspects of contradictions. In the process of consultation, visitors may have different words and deeds, different ideals and reality, different statements before and after, different feelings and results, and different opinions between the two parties. In this regard, psychological counselors help clients face their own contradictions through questioning skills. The significance of confrontation lies in promoting visitors to have a deeper understanding of their feelings, beliefs, behaviors and environment, encouraging them to put down their burdens, face reality and guide visitors to achieve harmony and unity. The use of confrontation should be cautious and appropriate, so as not to affect the consulting relationship and lead to consulting failure. So pay attention to: 1. Confrontation should be based on a good counseling relationship; 2. Confrontation can be tentative, and it may be better to point out the contradiction of visitors with uncertain words such as "maybe" and "seems"; 3. Confrontation must be based on sufficient facts to avoid making things out of nothing, causing harm and interrupting the consultation relationship. 4. Confrontation should not pursue venting and ruthless attacks, but should be gentle, euphemistic and moderate.