(1) Tell me what's on your mind;
(2) Talk about guiding the other person to say what he thinks;
3 talk about topics that are conducive to the integration of values between you;
4 talk about topics that are conducive to each other's self-integration.
Remember one thing first: the essence of intimate relationship is mutual integration-the process of integrating others' selves into me.
First of all, there is a concept in psychology called "self-exposure".
1, what is self-exposure? In retrospect, the simple understanding is: reveal your heart with the other party, express your true self and tell the truth.
2. What is the relationship between self-exposure and intimacy? -Cyclical self-exposure will lead to new relationships.
Therefore, the topic of your chat should first help both parties to make more full self-exposure, which is helpful to build trust and stabilize intimate relationship.
1. It's good for both sides to be open: talk about what's on your mind.
Yes, at least people who have had interpersonal experience actually know that when two people start to have a heart-to-heart chat, their relationship will be improved quickly.
Therefore, exposing yourself to the other party is an effective interpersonal communication strategy to win the trust of the other party. The relationship between lovers is also a kind of interpersonal relationship and the deepest intimate relationship.
We also have this experience when you meet a new opposite sex, such as a handsome guy, for various reasons (maybe it's a friend's introduction, maybe it's a school activity or work relationship, or maybe you're playing dating software). At this time, when two people are interested in each other, you will find that as you talk more and more about yourself, the relationship between the two people begins to heat up and slowly advance.
This kind of talking about yourself may start with a relatively simple basic information about yourself, then go deep into your likes and dislikes (for example, you say that you are a foodie, and you like to eat hot pot best), and then go deep into your emotional history and emotional outlook (you tell the other person what kind of person you are, and you may express your past emotional history with the other person). ...
Then the relationship between the two sides is getting closer and closer, and you are more and more dependent on each other. The other person trusts you more and more because you are willing to tell him these secrets.
2. Exposing yourself is good for both sides: guide the other side to say what is in his heart.
As mentioned above, the establishment of intimate relationship requires repeated self-exposure, so it is absolutely not enough for you to only expose yourself.
Both sides need it and must balance it. -note that this is very important. If you are not equal, only you are talking about your business, but it will cause the other party's disgust and think that you are yourself.
Therefore, you must guide the other person to speak his mind, tell him more privacy and secrets, and let the other person open his heart to you!
This is what I always say. A good communicator depends not on how well he can speak, but on how well he listens.
I remember a case in the consultation. The girl complained to me that she went to see the man's parents, prepared a lot for herself, and was very confident in her expression ability. As a result, the girl kept talking at the dinner table after the meeting. As a result, the parents of the man did not recognize the girl, but had a bad negative impression on the girl.
Why is this? Girls pay too much attention to the "speaking" part and ignore the "listening" part.
Similarly, many professional psychological counselors, who are good at listening, may not talk much during the whole consultation process, but they will achieve good consultation results.
Therefore, you should learn to listen and guide the other person to say what is in his heart.
Specific and simple suggestions:
1) positive attention: when the other person speaks, look into the other person's eyes (but don't stare straight) and make him feel that he is needed and cared for.
2) Sincerity: When your partner and you really open their hearts and do some self-disclosure, you should be sincere, instead of the other party expressing some opinions. You make jokes at inappropriate times and ignore them.
3) Acceptance: A person's basic need is to be accepted and affirmed by others, so you should show that you are accepted by your partner. You should let him know that you love him now, and you can accept his good and bad at this moment.
4) Understanding * * * Emotion: The level of * * emotional ability reflects a person's emotional intelligence well. You should show that you understand him, even if you don't agree with him, you can put yourself in the other's shoes. Only in this way can he dare to tell you more about his ideas without worrying that you don't understand.