This parent, your question is so good and representative!
As far as I know, most boarding schools have very tight study and life arrangements, which will not give children much room to think and make decisions freely.
The advantage is that children are forced to spend most of their time studying. The disadvantage is that children's learning motivation is accustomed to external pressure ~ discipline and rules, rather than their own internal motivation and interest.
As an adolescent, not only the body develops, but also the mind begins to have some crazy and imaginative ideas. About friendship, sex, competition, aggression ...
If the parent-child relationship is good enough, these problems can be brought to the family and discussed by parents.
On the contrary, if the parent-child relationship is alienated or even not good enough, the child can only hide these confused parts in his heart.
And these puzzles that can't be expressed in words sometimes make children feel that they have entered a maze, which consumes a lot of his mind.
Of course, learning in high school must be much more difficult than learning in junior high school. The frustration and pressure that children have to bear in their studies will also be doubled.
At this time, if he can find his favorite partner, ask the teacher for help, or talk to his parents about his frustration in this regard, maybe he will feel less lonely and powerless.
If these frustrations and powerlessness are not properly handled for a long time, it may make a person feel suffocated. In order to escape this suffocating feeling, children may escape to the game world.
Because in the game, it is easier to get a sense of accomplishment than to learn. (The same is true of the adult world. )
Therefore, the reason why modern people are addicted to mobile games is not only for fun, but also a way to relieve their inner anxiety. Of course, it has also become a troublemaker in the future.
To sum up, what parents can do is to reflect. The content of reflection is roughly as follows:
1) Evaluate whether your's parent-child relationship is good enough for the child to tell you his inner thoughts and difficulties frankly. If not, we need to reflect: what obstacles affect the intimacy of parent-child relationship and how to solve them?
2) Your whole family needs to think and discuss: What is the purpose of learning?
Some parents will simply say: for his future independence, his life has a good quality.
In real life, if the material support given by parents is not bad, even "excessive", under such circumstances, children usually lose the motivation to struggle.
Some parents are narcissistic and think they are quite successful, hoping to copy all the qualities they think are good to their children. He won't see the child's character. He just wants children to imitate themselves and learn like parrots.
This kind of child depends entirely on the thinking and opinions of the dependent.
Parents always ask their children's behavior to adapt to the needs of society, but at the expense of their inner development.
It is difficult for him to have meaningful friendships and his ability to think independently is limited. Through rote learning and parrot learning, one ear goes in and the other ear goes out, completing the process of education.
In this way, the child has no confidence to have any knowledge of his own, which leads him to learn knowledge and cannot be related to his inner personality.
This is what we often see. The more children learn, the more confused they become.
Because he doesn't know how to apply what he has learned, he will gradually lack the motivation and interest in learning.
There is another type of parents who are usually eager to raise their children into people they are not.
For example: Mandy, a Harvard girl ... the child treated like this is very depressed and painful.
He felt that he had been ignored and denied for a long time. I feel that I am transparent and worthless in my parents' hearts.
When children see that there is a great distance between themselves and their parents' ideal self, they will increase their sense of inferiority and frustration.
Even if children can strive to achieve the goals required by their parents in external learning, this external success can't fill the inner pain and emotional emptiness.
Do parents realize that we care about children's learning, and often only think about the evaluation system of social value and the priority of competition, that is, the symbol of measuring a person's external success, while ignoring the specific problems about individuals.
Whether we pay attention to strengthening children's character and independent thinking ability when they are young.
In fact, there is no way to measure this part of internal growth by converting it into figures.
The study of all subjects in school can be expressed by numbers, which subject is good and which subject is not good for your child.
We are used to paying attention to something visible and quantitative.
Parents don't care about their children's inner mental development. They don't seem to care much about how their children look at learning.
When a child can enter a key school with good grades, parents will feel that this is a very reassuring thing, as if he has entered the greatest common denominator of outstanding people.
When children's academic performance fluctuates, it will disturb parents' sense of security.
Because parents think of their children, they don't know what else they can do except for the visible scores.
When children's grades are not satisfactory, it is really a wonderful thing if parents' anxiety can be transformed into their own motivation to learn and make room for thinking and reflection on what happened in this process (including the whole family), because this matter is no longer a failure of children alone.
Can be transformed into a connecting node of family unity.
If you don't know much about the child's personality, how to improve the intimacy of parent-child relationship, and how to support the child's inner mental growth, this is not a shameful thing.
It's better to know what you don't know than before.
Knowing your own shortcomings is the possibility of promotion. Willing to give yourself some patience, let yourself open your heart and learn slowly, to understand the child's inner character, and how to study to support his mental growth, so that children can find their own learning motivation, which is a multiplier.
Parents who do this will also make their children feel warm and supportive, which is better than those parents who only scold their children in anxiety and make them hate them even more because you can't understand and support them.