I also talked to a friend about this topic yesterday. My friend's child is over one year old, and her grandmother and grandmother take turns to take care of it. She and her husband go to work every day. However, I have to say that since her child was handed over to her grandmother, the content of her chat with me has become a spit meeting, complaining in three sentences. Either laugh at her mother-in-law's stupidity or dislike her stubbornness. In short, it is all kinds of people who don't like the elderly to take care of their children.
When she said it last week, I finally couldn't help asking: Do you listen to them?
She gnashed her teeth: if you don't listen, I really made it clear what to do, but if you don't listen, you always feel that you are right.
My analysis: Do you think you are finding fault? In that case, the old people won't like it.
She is depressed: do I still praise her if the child looks like that? It's just stubbornness, and I don't think they understand those reasons at all
I have no choice: if so, it will be peaceful for you to resign.
She looked supercilious: that won't do. I don't go to work, and I still rely on his father's salary to wait for the northwest wind?
……
I don't know when the elderly seem to have become "the enemy of scientific parenting", and many sisters around me scoff at the way the elderly look after their children at home; But when it comes to solutions, they look at each other again. All you can do is spit together, pale and powerless.
As far as Ponyo is concerned, grandma takes care of her a lot, but I can proudly say that because of the differences in parenting concepts, we have hardly quarreled, so there is no percentage of various family conflicts as shown in the above picture. Of course, I also know that every family has a difficult experience, so which is better for children to bring vs to their parents? Today, let's have a fair and honest talk.
1
First of all, what are the shortcomings of Separate child care?
The old living habits of the previous generation are hard to change.
I like chewing and feeding my children. Adults are exposed to a large number of bacteria every day, and infants have weak resistance. Regular mouth-to-mouth feeding is easy to transmit bacteria to the baby, making the child suffer from infectious diseases such as gastritis and hepatitis. Now there are a lot of broken kitchen utensils, which do not need to be chewed and fed at all, which is what the elderly need to pay attention to.
I like to swing from side to side when I coax my baby. The baby's brain is not yet mature. Frequent shaking will cause the brain to collide with the skull, which will lead to the rupture of small blood vessels in the brain in severe cases. If the retina in the eye is affected, it will lead to amblyopia or blindness, which is a big mistake, especially for babies within 10 months.
The previous generation doted on the baby.
In our life, we will see such a situation: as soon as mom and dad want to educate their children, the children run to the elderly to take refuge and move reinforcements; Sometimes, parents are not educated into children, but are "educated" by the elderly. This is what we often call "step-relatives".
Compared with parents, grandparents are more likely to be spoiled because of their parents' divorce, but such spoiling will make children lose their independent living habits over time, become overly dependent on others, and easily develop spoiled bad temper. Give a chestnut, whose child ate it in kindergarten. Parents bring up their children to finish lunch independently, while grandparents bring up their children to feed them.
But this is not absolute. Ponyo is taken care of by her grandmother, but she is more independent when eating in kindergarten, because Ponyo began to grab food by herself at the age of one, which just exercised her fine sports.
Differences in parenting concepts ignite family conflicts.
As I mentioned earlier, friends often have various contradictions with the elderly because of some different views on parenting. I have read a survey about whether to encourage children to run, run, jump and play outdoors. The survey results show that 39.4% of grandparents do not encourage their children, and only 3% of parents encourage their children. Only 65,438+02% of grandparents often encourage their children's families, while 55% of parents do. In every generation of families, grandparents' parents are either afraid that their children will fall and touch, or they are afraid that their children will have problems when playing, and their thoughts are relatively conservative. I think as long as the children don't knock and move. Parents' understanding of children's playful and active nature and their understanding of their age and physiological characteristics will encourage them to exercise and develop normally.
Separate child care will lead to estrangement between parents.
If a family has been in such a relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, then the relationship between children and parents will gradually alienate. In the eyes of children, "Mom and Dad" and "Uncle Wang, Aunt Li" are no different, just appellations.
Another point is that children are rebellious and impulsive in adolescence, and because parents have not taken enough care of their children since childhood, children lack enough intimacy with their parents. At this time, the rebellion becomes more and more serious, and the parent-child relationship will gradually deteriorate in conflicts and disputes. The division of parent-child relationship caused by this stage is generally difficult to heal in adulthood. In childhood, if parents really give up, the old man will cherish you, which is the thunder laid for adolescence. Once it breaks out, it is difficult to recover.
2
Second, the advantages of Separate child care.
An ancient family is like a treasure.
Many of them are children after 90. How can we take care of them? Grandparents have taken care of children and have a certain experience base. For example, the usual parenting book thinks that children are lively and active and should wear less clothes for them. However, we should pay special attention to the changes of seasons, and this theory cannot be established.
When the seasons change, the elderly are very alert to the weather. When they go out, it is obvious that the temperature is not low, so they must bring an extra dress, which many parents will not notice. When the seasons change, the temperature fluctuates greatly, and it is still high when going out. When I come back, the temperature is very low, and adults won't feel anything, but children are weak and easy to catch a cold.
Old people are more patient with children than we are.
Older people are more patient with their children than younger parents. On the one hand, the old man has lived for most of his life and seen all kinds of storms. He won't get angry easily, and he has a better attitude. Moreover, they are used to this world, and often grasp their children's emotions more accurately than their parents, and they can also take better care of their children's emotions.
I know this very well. For Ponyo, Grandma always has an imaginary friend named Xiao Ke. As soon as Ponyo lost her temper, Xiaoke Theater began. A few days ago, Ponyo put on new snow boots. She was very happy. So she came back from kindergarten and wandered around the house for a long time. She wants to wear it at home. Undoubtedly, this is absolutely impossible for her two younger brothers who are still crawling on the ground, but Ponyo won't say anything. Even in the end, she didn't know why she lost her temper. So Xiaoke's story came. Grandma said: Xiaoke has a pair of snow boots, which she wants to wear at home. Finally, Ponyo understood the problem of not wearing snow boots at home.
Steady mind and more substantial time.
People in the modern workplace are under great pressure. If children take care of themselves, it is easy to lead to unfamiliar and disjointed work and skills. Although it is an option to give it to a nursery or a nanny, compared with giving it to grandparents, the love of the elderly for their grandchildren is irreplaceable by any child care institution or nanny. As long as the old people don't spoil their children, it's not a big problem. The survey shows that in kindergartens, children brought up by the elderly tend to be more confident, more cheerful, have a clear sense of self, can better handle interpersonal relationships and have fewer mental health problems.
Therefore, there are advantages and disadvantages for the elderly to take care of their children, and there are also many problems in taking care of their own children. It may be your own or your husband's. Before Ma Yili talked about her husband's articles on the show, she always spoiled Emma excessively.
Therefore, every family has a difficult experience, and it is by no means a "one size fits all" problem.
However, no matter how different it may be from the old people in the concept of parenting, we should understand that it is an obligation for the old people to help you with your children, not to help you, because they have worked hard for decades to raise you and have no obligation to help you raise your children again, so they must respect the old people.
Take me for example, I am very grateful to my mother-in-law, because it is because Grandma Ponyo helped me take Ponyo and my two younger brothers that I can share good courses and products with Sanwa in Youzao. I think half of the credit is hers. In addition, she is very reasonable and has her own opinions on scientific parenting. Therefore, I am particularly relieved to give the child to her.
If you don't know who to listen to, you can choose to listen to your child's opinion. Such scenes often appear in TV dramas: the daughter-in-law insists that the children should not eat too much meat at night on the grounds that they are easy to get fat; Mother-in-law insists that her granddaughter eat more and be healthy!
But to be honest, it is often the opposite in my family. I am very casual about Ponyo's diet. On the contrary, my grandmother is particularly worried that Ponyo will become a big fat face, so she will strictly control Ponyo's diet. Of course, there will be an agreement in the end: no snacks or less snacks, and no snacks at home.
However, if such differences cannot be resolved soon, you may wish to return the decision to the children!
Let children do this, not to disrespect other people's opinions, but to tell children that everyone has their own feelings. In the face of differences, it is important to be tolerant rather than arguing with each other, and to solve the problem.
In family relations, we don't want to be accused, controlled or complained. Children can't feel the warmth of family in this environment.
For a healthy family, the educational concept may not be so unified. However, mutual care among family members and harmonious family atmosphere can cultivate positive children.
Ponyo's mother said so much. Now it's time to tell us what differences you met during your stay in Separate child care and how you solved them. Talk to Ponyo's mother at the end of the article with your answers and ideas ~
(partial data source network)