Story: From one bed to two rooms
When Qin Yue married Zhang Xushi, she just graduated from college. Friends congratulated the teacher-student relationship on its fruitful results. Lively and cheerful department flowers admire mature and steady teachers, and have long been infatuated with Qin Yue, and love letters, text messages and emails have been bombarded in turn. Although both parents disapprove of the marriage, they still insist on getting together. After marriage, their world is basically happy. Zhang Xu is very motivated. On the basis of her master's degree, she studied for a doctorate. She jumped from college to a middle-level leader in a multinational company. Her career is developing smoothly and her work is getting busier and busier. Both of them seem to have finished talking about the same topic before marriage, and the chances of chatting decrease inversely with the increase of marriage age.
? He is a non-stop person, and I just want to live a natural and peaceful life. ? Qin Yue has been working as a teacher in a school since she graduated and enjoys this state. She feels that she and her husband are getting farther and farther away. Qin Yue once asked him why he didn't talk so much before marriage, and Zhang Xu replied? You are really annoying. Do you know how tired I am at work? As a wife, I don't understand others. All you have to do is arrange some small housework. You nag all day like an old woman. ? Qin Yue immediately flew into a rage after hearing this. After the quarrel, she fell into the trap again? Cold War? .
Three years later, Zhang Xu is going to study abroad. At this point, Qin Yue was pregnant. ? I was tired of convincing myself, but he went anyway. ? Qin Yue's heart is getting cold. The fatigue of taking care of the children alone has added a lot of complaints to her. A year later, Zhang Xu returned to China, and his family's economic conditions became better and better, and he lived in a villa. But the two have reached the point where they have nothing to say when they meet. They slept from one bed to two beds, and then they became two rooms. The last one lives downstairs, and the other one lives upstairs with the children. ? I'm tired of him. ? Now Qin Yue won't even touch Zhang Xu, asking her husband to keep a distance of one meter from her.
Communication tips 1: Life experiences need to be shared.
? Love needs to be managed, and even after marriage, the feelings of life between husband and wife should be shared frequently. ? Xu, a counselor at the Psychological Counseling Center of East China Normal University, said.
The happiness of marriage is based on smooth and full communication between husband and wife. Someone said? Communication between husband and wife, tongue and ears may be more important than sex? To some extent, it really shows the importance of communication. In many marriage counseling cases, one of the important reasons for the contradictions, mutual accusations, complaints, suspicions and even extramarital affairs between husband and wife is long-term? Silence after marriage? The quality of marriage has declined and contradictions have accumulated for a long time.
Some people can share all kinds of life feelings and experiences with leaders, colleagues, customers, friends and classmates outside, but when they get home, they have nothing to say to the other half. Over time, two people have less and less common topics, even if they can share, they are limited to housework. Even, many husbands feel that housework is their wife's duty, and there is no need or want to know, and there are even fewer topics. From a thousand words before marriage to a few words after marriage, the two gradually became? The most familiar stranger? It seems polite, but there is no spiritual communication.
Charge your love, open your heart, open your mouth, express yourself and let the other person know. You will find it so beautiful to share your life feelings with your lover.
Communication secret 2:? An old couple? Also want emotional appeal
Flirting is not a patent for unmarried young people, nor is it an exclusive privilege during honeymoon, but a seasoning that both husband and wife should have for life.
Xu said that many couples are too familiar with it. Touching each other's hands is like touching the right hand left and right, and there is no special feeling. If we take good care of our hands and appreciate them carefully, they will still be moved by happiness when they meet. There are many ways to care about them, such as creating a little romance from time to time. When two people are alone, they might as well have a little mood, watch a movie together, send each other a box of heart-shaped chocolates and take a short trip. It is natural for both husband and wife to love each other, but this does not mean that love cannot continue. I don't need to tell you, if there is no beautiful love adjustment in this life, how inferior and gloomy life will be.
Some men think that after marriage, they are the men who are struggling to support their families. They should have a sense of authority, flirting, a young thing, is far away. There are also some women who think that they should be a dignified wife, a good mother and a perfect housewife when they get married, so they not only never flirt with their husbands, but also turn a blind eye to their hints. Psychologists think these ideas are not enough. Marriage is not the end of love, nor the grave of flirting. Both sides should constantly cultivate feelings and let love continue to extend in the peak experience.
Classic love triangle, not even a corner.
Xu told reporters that psychologist Robert? Robert Jeffrey Sternberg's love triangle theory has been widely accepted: perfect love must include passion, intimacy and commitment. Passion refers to an emotional infatuation, and personal appearance and inner charm are the most important factors affecting passion. Intimacy refers to the feeling that two people like each other psychologically, including the appreciation of their lover, the desire to take care of their lover, self-disclosure and inner communication. Commitment mainly refers to the individual's inner or oral expectation of love, which is the most rational component in love.
According to the three elements of passion, intimacy and commitment, Steinberg, a social psychologist at Yale University, has formed seven different types of love:
Favorite love: only intimacy, no passion and commitment, such as friendship;
Obsessed love: only passion, no intimacy and commitment, such as first love; Empty love: only commitment, no intimacy and passion, such as love purely for marriage; Romantic love: only passion and intimacy, no commitment, advocating the process, not caring about the result; Partner love: only intimacy and commitment, no passion; Stupid love: only passion and commitment, no intimacy; Complete American love: including passion, commitment and intimacy.
Passion is the engine of love. Without passion, love lacks the motivation to survive and develop. Intimacy is the gas station of love. Without intimacy, love can easily dry up. Commitment is the airbag of love. Without commitment, love is much more dangerous and may collapse at any time. The three elements of love form a solid iron triangle, and it can't last long without any corner.