It is human nature that we get married and have children and love them.
We all love our children in our own way, but no school teaches us how to be parents. There is no exam about parents in the world. Passing it allows us to become parents.
We study and grope all the way, and strive to become a qualified parent. In this process, children bring us laughter and a lot of troubles. We accompany our children all the way, relive our childhood and mature all the way.
Love is not possession, love is realization.
To truly love a person, we should realize that he or she is an independent person. No matter he (she) is an adult or a child, he is an independent person with an independent personality, as well as his own ideology and personality, which are independent of our will.
Unfortunately, many people don't understand this at all. They want their spouses or children to be completely attached to themselves and completely under their control.
The poet Ji Bolun once wrote a poem criticizing such parents:
Your child is not your child.
They are children born of life's desire for themselves.
They came into this world with your help, not because of you.
They are by your side, but they don't belong to you.
What you can give them is your love, not your thoughts.
Because they have their own ideas.
. . .
A case in the book may happen around us. There was a young man who was timid and traced his roots. His mother wouldn't let him go to school by school bus until the third year of high school, and she drove to pick him up every day for fear that he might get hurt outside. The mother treats her child as a baby and doesn't give it room to grow up. The mother's own mind is extremely immature, and the child eventually suffers from serious mental illness.
This example may be a bit extreme, but there are really many parents who want their children to grow up completely according to their own wishes, and there can be no difference:
For example, some parents who are engaged in scientific research hope that their children can also embark on the academic path in the future, and this child may like music very much, but he can't choose his favorite life path because of his parents' disapproval. As a result, I went to college and studied a major I didn't like, but secretly wanted to engage in music.
For example, some parents don't allow their children to fall in love when they are studying, urging them to get married as soon as they graduate from college.
For another example, some children have their favorite occupations, but they are forced by their parents to go home to take the civil service exam because this occupation is the most stable.
China's parents really care about their children. They may be more experienced in life than children, but it is really inappropriate to interfere in their careers and marriages. If children always suppress their personality and are strictly controlled by their parents when they grow up, they are prone to psychological problems when they grow up. This may explain why there are so many horse-haired men in China society.
It is parents' nature to love children. But children are not copies of their parents. They are independent individuals with different personalities and dreams. If you really love your child, please respect his personality, give him room to grow up and teach him independence.
Similarly, if you love someone, please love them all and respect their personality.
It takes a lot of time and energy for parents to raise their children. I believe that parents have a deep understanding. As parents, we try our best to give our children meticulous care and love. But parents often overlook an important point. What is this?
Children have been expressing themselves since babbling. Have we taken the time and energy to listen to their voices? Many times, we think we understand children, but do children think so? Listening to children's voices is the key to parent-child relationship. All children want to seek comfort and understanding from their parents. When parents listen to their children from the heart, children can naturally feel this silent love. This kind of love makes children feel safe and happy, and makes them trust their parents more.
There is a 30-year-old professional who suffers from depression because of excessive lack of self-confidence. Because although his parents are professionals, they almost never listen to him. At the age of 22, he wrote an excellent graduation thesis. Although he put it in the most conspicuous position at home, his parents ignored it for a whole year. In the end, the child was neglected in childhood, unable to feel the warmth of the family, and felt extremely inferior inside, and finally had to ask a psychologist for help.
In life, many parents are very concerned about whether their children are well fed and warm, and care about their children's achievements, but they have never listened carefully to their children's thoughts and understood their happiness and troubles.
Children's world is also a small and complex society. Just like us adults, children will face all kinds of emotional interference, sadness, anger, disappointment, sadness and pressure. In front of children, parents often need to play the role of psychologists. Listening is our main task. Don't try to give too many suggestions or comments. Just as we adults talk to friends when we are in a bad mood, we don't want to get any advice from friends. More often, we just want someone to understand us.
Sometimes we don't even say anything, and children will find their own answers in the process of talking.
Once adults can bend down, listen carefully to their children and respect them, they will get to know them better and better. Children are understood and accepted in the process of conversation, and they will be more and more willing to communicate with their parents.
The communication skills that children learn from their parents will accompany them all their lives, let them know the world and learn to interact with others.
No one is born a parent. After having children, in order to better accompany and educate them, we also need to constantly learn a lot of knowledge, such as child psychology, such as communication skills. In order to keep up with children's footsteps and become better parents, we also need to keep growing.
Many parents on the Internet complain that it is a painful and irritable experience to accompany their children to do homework. But many excellent parents have inspired us a lot.
A piece of news in February 1818 attracted a lot of people's attention. Li Jianghua, the mother of Danyang City, Zhenjiang, Jiangsu Province, studied hard in her spare time and obtained the teacher qualification certificate. Most people take the teacher qualification examination in order to pursue a career as a teacher, but this mother is trying to better educate her daughter.
Another inspirational story comes from a 49-year-old mother, Yuan Mengyuan, who is an aunt of Shanghai Jiaotong University. In order to be a child's friend and role model, she has been studying with her son and taking a series of professional skills certificates such as accounting, maternal and child nurse practitioner and intermediate masseur. She also studied at Fudan University through Adult University, and passed CET-4 ... When her son planned to go to graduate school, she also had the idea of postgraduate study. As a result, the mother and son encouraged each other. The son was admitted to Fudan and the mother was admitted to Guangxi University.
There are many such examples around us. Many parents take their babies to learn English and poetry, parents learn piano and violin to accompany their babies, get the qualification of psychological counselor, and even get a black belt in Taekwondo.
So some people say that children are sent by heaven to redeem their parents. We spend another childhood with our children to examine our immaturity and imperfection, and also give us a chance to realize our dreams.
If parents can make continuous progress with their children, they can understand each other, encourage each other, and achieve their children and themselves.
Life is short, and none of us is perfect. Because I love children and accompany them, I keep learning, bring up children and improve myself.