1. Go to the child and squat down to talk.
Body distance and posture are very important when talking with children. If you are in the kitchen and want to yell at the children in the room, nine times out of ten there is no response. Talking condescendingly to your child will make him feel scared, especially if he doesn't listen, and your negative emotions will come up. The best way is to walk in front of the child, squat down, make eye contact with the child, and then start talking. This kind of distance and gesture shows respect for the child, which can help the child turn his attention to what you want to say and let the child know that you are talking to him, not instructing him. Giving respect to each other will make communication more effective. This can be said to be the basic knowledge of social etiquette, but parents often forget it when facing their children.
2. Change the tone, intonation or volume of your speech.
If you don't want what you say to be background noise in your child's ears, you can try to change the way you speak. What often happens is that parents' tone becomes tough and the volume becomes louder, and they start yelling at their children. If you keep talking like this, the child will lose interest a little and be taken away. When everyone is shouting, it may be surprisingly good to suddenly become a whisper. For example, once I asked my son to eat and turn off the TV, he certainly didn't want to. I suddenly lowered my voice when he shouted "No". He only saw my mouth moving and couldn't hear what I said (provided I made the first one). He stopped and asked me, "What did you say?" . I used a whisper to ease the tension between my son and me and succeeded in attracting his attention. Although this method is not 100% effective, the success rate is still quite high. Maybe you can try it next time.
3. Try not to repeat
If the other party doesn't respond, we will repeat what we said. Almost everyone will do this. But repetition is not a good way for parents to help their children learn to listen. If you say a sentence three or four times at a time, the child will gradually get used to not listening to it the first time and the second time, because he knows that you will continue to repeat it. So, please say it only once if the child has heard you. If the child doesn't respond, all you have to do is pause and wait. You know, it is possible that the child is really thinking about it. If there is still no response, you can try to get closer, or say "I will wait patiently for your answer" and "What do you think?" . This will encourage your children to respond to your words without having to repeat what you have already said.
4. Express your meaning directly and clearly.
Explain in detail why the child is doing something wrong, why you should tell him that it is wrong, that doing something wrong will have consequences, that you will not allow him to do so, and so on. Usually the result is that children still don't quite understand what you mean. When talking to children, you can try to express it directly and concretely, such as:
I saw you hit your sister on the head. (state the facts)
Do you think you can hit your sister on the head? (Ask questions directly, don't use rhetorical questions)
Under normal circumstances, children will answer "no". So you can go on saying, "Then why not?" (Let the children answer for themselves)
4 If the child answers "Yes". You can just say, "Actually, hitting your sister on the head is not allowed. Why not? "
During the conversation, please make full use of the pause and give your child enough time and space to think about it. If a child can tell the consequences of doing something wrong, it usually means that he really understands the whole thing and is more likely to remember not to do it next time.
5. Eliminate the serious atmosphere in time
After the conversation with your child, please remove the serious atmosphere in time, let go of all negative emotions and do other things normally. By doing so, you are setting a good example for your children, that is, how to face and handle conflicts with others in a mature way.
6. Practice listening to children.
There are too many things in modern life that can distract your attention, such as busy work, complicated interpersonal relationships, mobile phones, the Internet ... but when your child wants to talk to you, please stop what you are doing and listen carefully. Of course, there are too many cases where you can't stop what you are doing, but at least please tell your children, "Can you wait, mom/dad will be fine soon." When you can talk to your child, please tell him how much you appreciate his patience in waiting for you. If you can listen to your child carefully, it is very likely that the child will do the same; If you praise your child's patience, it is very likely that he will continue to be so patient in the future. I think this is what experts often say. Example is often more effective than words, and positive reinforcement is more effective than negative reinforcement.