At first, the plot in the book has not yet unfolded, and I don't know what story it wants to tell. But Tara Westerfer's beautiful writing style did not make the scattered narrative boring, but attracted me to read it.
Her writing is fluent and her emotions are delicate. In a few words, she can accurately express what she is thinking at the moment. Beautiful writing and sincere feelings make her book like a gentle and quiet stream. And I entered it by mistake, willing to go up and down with it, watching everything that the stream has experienced, and naturally reaching the end.
After reading the middle, the attraction of the text gave way to the story itself. At this time, I am very eager to know the ending of the story. This has a lot to do with my career-psychological counselor.
This book is the author's memoir. It tells how Tara gradually got rid of the influence of family of origin and reinvented herself. In the consulting room, such stories are staged all the time. Visitors seek psychological counseling because of a superficial problem such as "lovelorn" and "depression". With consultation, we began to explore the thoughts and feelings behind this problem and explore its origin. At the end of most consultations, visitors will talk about the influence of family background.
The entanglement between the visitor and family of origin, and the contradictory pain that family of origin wants to leave but can't, are exactly the same as Riitala's experience in this book. Every change in Tara's attitude towards her family, every unbearable turn back, every self-deception, every opportunity for change, and even different interpretations of childhood events when writing her memoirs fit perfectly with the stories in the clinic. So when I read this book, I will inevitably not wear the consultant's glasses.
Every time Tara goes out, I am excited about her change, just like every visitor changes. I will know her every retreat, just as I know that the progress of visitors is always full of twists and turns. So, I really want to know how she ended.
In the consulting room, not everyone will find a way to reconcile with the family he came from, but I always expect him to find it. As a well-known writer, Tara's unique identity will make the ending different when she experiences everything that ordinary people have experienced? When I finally saw the ending, the feeling of wanting to know turned into a knowing smile. Tara's ending is very real, which is the ending of most people, maybe everyone's.
The perfect way to reconcile with the family you came from is like infinity in mathematics. We don't know where the end will be, but we are always on the way to the end.
Many people will want to ask, then how can I embark on this road? How can I go straight ahead instead of going backwards or standing still? This book tells us the answer from the side (side because I don't think telling the answer is the author's intention).
"You can call yourself this in many ways: transformation, metamorphosis, hypocrisy and betrayal. I call it: education. "
Tara attributed this answer to education, which is related to her experience.
She never went to school before 17 years old, and lived in a family environment where her father firmly supported the concept of "not seeing a doctor if she was sick" and thought that school was a conspiracy of the government and was beaten by her brother. 17 years old, Tara left home for the first time and went to Brigham Young University to see the outside world. This is the beginning of her escape.
Then she went to Cambridge for a master's degree, during which she went to Harvard for further study. The education she received made her know that her father was bipolar, made her doubt her father's interpretation of the Ruby Mountain incident, and made her think about her rights as a woman and the nature of a woman. She doubted the correctness of the family she once believed in, and she began to have her own ideas.
Education itself has a profound influence on Tara, but we can't ignore the extra influence brought by education.
Because she wants to get an education, she will see the outside world, see that girls can still dress so brightly, and it is so absurd to see others sick and not see a doctor. It is because she wants to receive education that she will know her roommate who cares about her, the teacher who wants to help her pay her tuition, and her boyfriend who is willing to accept her. She will know that she can go to the psychological counseling center for help, and she will really talk to the priest for an hour every week.
The description of this part in the book is very little, especially the influence on people around you, which is almost a brush. This may be due to the author's narrative style. In this book, she mainly talks about her mental journey in the family tug-of-war, rather than focusing on what influenced her. And I will pay attention to this, or I can't leave my practice as a consultant. I think Tara's education should also include this part.
I found the way forward, and the rest is to give myself time. Many people will want immediate results, which is basically impossible and will inevitably fall into disappointment in the end. Just like Tara, even though she has gone a long way, she sometimes doubts herself: "Am I crazy, not my family?" Maybe it's safest to go home. These thoughts drove her crazy, and even tortured her to buy a plane ticket and fly back to her distant hometown at once.
It sounds frustrating, and it seems that all previous efforts have been in vain. But once she changes, she has strength in her heart, and there will always be a chance to arouse that strength again. As my teacher often says, although there are twists and turns, it always spirals up.
This is a book review of a novel. The author Tara has no intention of drawing our attention to how to change it, but I seem to have inadvertently written it as a case of psychological counseling. Anyone's book review is always subjective experience, and the perspective I take is also derived from my life experience. It is not only related to my work, but also the main reason is that for me now, I am more concerned about the external existence that affects individuals than my personal mental journey.
When I have enjoyed the warmth of the outside world and then ignored it, it is difficult to do so. As an ordinary person, it is hard for me to see a person who has tried his best but is desperate because of repeated setbacks.
Tara pays attention to facts, while I pay attention to influence. Perhaps the difference in perspective is that I am a bystander. As a party, Tara's story has always happened to me, to each of us, which is why I like it. Tara's story is the story of each of us.
Like Tara, we will have a love-hate entanglement with our family background, and in the process, we will feel disgusted with ourselves; Like Tara, we will be in a dilemma on the way to the new world; But in the end, we will grow a pair of powerful wings in our hearts and fly to our own mountains like Tara.