China's parents are used to training their children to be obedient and good children. As experienced parents, thinking is stronger than children, and there is no problem in most cases; However, when parents say something wrong, when obedient children can have their own thoughts is also a problem that parents have to think about.
As the saying goes: "If you don't listen to the old man, you will suffer." To put it bluntly, most parents in China want their children to be obedient. They think such children are easy to take care of and can save a lot of trouble. However, new parents now want their children to be "disobedient", lively and even naughty, and think such children are smart.
■ Appearance statement
Anti-traditional framework
As a child, Feng Yongzhi always "defies" the wishes of adults and has his own unique opinions.
Once, Feng's mother was the head of a kindergarten and taught Xiao Yongzhi to draw. As usual, she told him to know how to use colors correctly. When the painting was finished, the mother found that the child had drawn a green watermelon "disobediently". For her mother's question, Xiao Yong confidently replied: "The sun rises in the Woods, and I see the green sun."
There are many innovative ideas.
Jia Jia, who goes to school in a kindergarten in Haizhu District, always has a lot of tricks. During the interview, the reporter found that her home was always full of "garbage". The so-called "waste" is just some soda cans. Jia Jia's mother told reporters that she had warned her children to throw these into the trash can and be a good boy who loves cleanliness. But 6-year-old Jia Jia always refused. Later, my mother found out that Jiajia cut those soda cans in half, made them into small flower baskets and put them in her small room.
Do your best.
Mei Mei worked as a clerk in a foreign company in Guangzhou, and strictly trained her children from the beginning. "The child is really obedient, step by step according to our' can' and' can't'. For example, she never pushes everything on the table to the floor like other children, and she never throws anything. We are often proud: our daughter is really a genius! I know how to listen to adults at such a young age! "
■ Phenomenon analysis
What causes children to be "disobedient"? After interviewing many parents, the reporter found that there are nothing more than the following four points:
Reason one?
Do not meet the requirements
Now most parents are used to giving it to their children and letting them know how to ask for more. "When I was a child, my parents were very strict with me, so my childhood always left a lot of regrets: I couldn't eat ice cream, I couldn't go to the high slide, and even the time for swinging was limited. So I ask myself to be more tolerant of my children. I have been trying to satisfy my child since he was very young. " A mother surnamed Chen spoke the hearts of many parents.
Xu Hongxia, a teacher from Guangdong Women's Federation Mental Health Counseling Center, believes that children who insist blindly will be content with the status quo and take everything their parents give for granted. Once parents can't meet his requirements, even a little, children will be dissatisfied and won't forgive their parents.
Reason two?
Habitual dependence
Most of these children live in families with grandparents. Grandparents love their children in every way, which makes him used to arranging things. When adults ask children to do something independently, children often feel powerless, and they will naturally refuse their parents' requests. "When I ask my child if he is eating, he always shakes his head. But when I feed him a full bowl of rice, he will finish the whole bowl. " Mother Lin, an American editor of a newspaper, said helplessly.
Reason three?
Parents don't do what they say.
In fact, everyone has their own ideas, adults and children alike. Parents are important imitators of children. When giving instructions to children, if children have never seen adults complete this instruction, but ask them to do it themselves, they may not carry it out, which will lead to disobedience. The reporter found that most of these parents have no time to accompany their children and lack communication with them. Children often refuse adults' answers, "You too, why do you want me to do it?"
"I often run outside, and the housework is done by the nanny. When I asked my child to pack her schoolbag, she disdained me and whispered,' Mom never packs anything!' "Huang's mother works in the sales department, she told reporters.
Reason four?
Not interested in what you are doing.
There are not many children of this type. He thinks that his parents' teaching is not suitable for him. In the interview, the reporter found that this unique child often grew up snoring. Feng Xiating, an associate professor in the Department of Preschool Education of South China Normal University, believes that children living in such families are often very naughty and have their own way. Because he thinks that his parents don't pay attention to him, he is likely to make some "deviant" behaviors to attract his parents' attention and concern, and "disobedience" is one of them.
■ Conflicts of views
Some parents are disgusted with their children's rebellious behavior. I prefer those obedient and obedient children. In the interview, the reporter found that parents have different definitions of obedience.
I hope the children can be quiet, behave themselves, do things in an orderly way and don't move. -Mother Lin, media editor.
In my mind, children have no definition of "obedient" and "disobedient". I hope that children have their own way of thinking, even if sometimes adults think it is "absurd". —— Director Feng of Siyuan Kindergarten
Sometimes, I allow children to "disobey" my instructions. If children act according to their parents' views and thinking, it will be difficult for such children to be independent in the future. -Ling's mother comes from an oil company.
Listening to the words of the older generation, children can take fewer detours and hit the wall less. Therefore, in terms of educational concept, I think children should follow their parents' wishes. Parents are the leaders of their children, and will arrange their children's learning process reasonably according to their characteristics. -Stay-at-home mom Chen Xiaolan.
■ Expert opinion
"Disobedient" is sometimes a good thing.
□ Feng Xiating, Associate Professor, Department of Preschool Education, South China Normal University.
In fact, children sometimes don't do what their parents ask and don't listen to their parents' instructions, which is the characteristic of their physical and mental development. Some psychologists believe that if a 3-year-old child does not resist, it is abnormal. Even for children of five or six years old, rebellious behavior is obvious. What's more, today's children live in an information-rich society, can absorb a lot of information every day, and have their own ideas about people and things. If parents demand their children by adult's standards too early, it will not conform to the law of children's physical and mental development, and it will also easily kill children's nature, so that children will lose their most precious creative personality at an early age and leave irreparable regrets to their parents.
Haicha, a famous German psychologist, did the following experiments: He followed up 100 children aged 2-5 with strong resistance tendency and 100 children without this tendency to observe adolescence. The results show that 84% of the former people are strong-willed, independent and have the ability of independent analysis, judgment and decision-making. Only 26% of the latter are strong-willed, and the rest can't make decisions and take responsibility independently. This study shows that children with strong resistance tend to have strong independent will when they grow up, which is exactly the quality that talents in 2 1 century should have.
"Combination" of Obedience and Disobedience
□ Zou Xiaobing, Director of Child Development Behavior Center of the Third Affiliated Hospital of Sun Yat-sen University.
The common feature of so-called "obedient" children is that they don't ask questions, don't argue with their elders and act according to the old experience taught by adults. Undoubtedly, compared with those naughty children, such children are more suitable for studying and living under the modern education system. Theoretically, they have fewer chances to hit a wall and fewer setbacks.
On the whole, there are not many "good boys" who really become social elites and industry leaders, and most of them work in ordinary labor posts. Of course, it doesn't mean that "disobedient" children must be smart and top-notch. In my opinion, children's "obedience" is more reflected in the rules of life and behavioral ethics, while children are active by nature and have many circuitous ideas. Parents should give correct guidance on learning and treating things. It is up to parents to set an example. When the child makes a difference, parents can dig more fun with him and guide him to apply it to real life.