First of all, parents must learn to share with their children when they have a desire to communicate, such as when their children are successful and happy; When children encounter setbacks and injuries, they should take the initiative to caress and care; When children do something wrong, parents should tell themselves that human growth needs experience, even trauma ... Secondly, they should manage their emotions well. When children have behaviors that make their parents dissatisfied, parents are easily out of control and angry, and often have excessive words and deeds, and later regret the harm that their irrationality has caused to their children's body and mind. What's more, the pressure at work and the unhappiness of family conflicts are all vented through the "education" of children. Parents benefit from educating their children. What did the child get? When parents communicate with their children, remember to choose to deal with their children's emotions rationally.
Second, the content of communication.
Around the content that children want to communicate, parents should hide their children's views and ideas behind their backs. It is necessary to talk with children about school anecdotes, moving plots of movies and TV dramas, and moving parts of fashion music, so that children can be in a state of leisure after studying and relax as much as possible. Don't repeat your lessons and other things you have learned. In addition, when communicating with children, you can express your views in a consultative tone. Don't focus on judging right and wrong, or blame each other with your children. When children are respected, their hearts are warm, safe and relaxed, which can close the psychological distance well. Only when parents express their attitudes and opinions can children think and accept.
Third, communication skills must first learn to listen.
Effective communication should be mutual exchange of information. Parents' "speaking freely" is actually blocking their children's ears or telling them to shut up, which will become a common mistake-preaching. Children also have a desire to communicate, hoping that their words can be well listened to. When the child is talking to the parents, the parents should put down what they are doing as much as possible and concentrate on listening to the child. Children can feel respect and encouragement, and they will be willing to tell their inner feelings. This is very beneficial for parents to understand their children and help them grow up healthily. Secondly, use some nonverbal communication skills appropriately. Communication is not only through language, but also through nonverbal forms, such as actions, expressions and gestures. Psychological research shows that people can get a sense of security and trust in hugs, which is a kind of whole-hearted rest. Early emotions can be alleviated and calmed down. People are most rational when they are emotionally and psychologically stable. There is also a whisper, which is more convincing and moving than the normal volume expression. Because whispering gestures only indicate a particularly close relationship between two people. For example, when a child encounters difficulties and setbacks, pat him on the head, then put his hand gently on his shoulder, look him in the eye and say, "No matter what happens, we will support you by your side." Do you know how important you are to us? We know you can do it. "Seemingly casual actions and simple words will send warmth and strength to children.
Question 2: How to communicate effectively with children Parents are not natural communication masters. They don't always keep a happy mood, and they don't always judge everything so accurately. To achieve effective communication, parents need constant practice and study. Compared with the old concept and practice of raising children, people have advocated more communication with children in recent years. According to a survey a few years ago, the relationship between parents and children is getting more and more harmonious. Times are changing, society is changing, and people's thoughts and behaviors are also changing. Of course, the method of educating children will change accordingly. Parents can't educate their children in the same way, or even ask their children to achieve their goals. All good education should start with communication. Effective communication between parents and children is an important guarantee for family harmony and children's healthy growth. But parents are not natural communicators, they will not always keep a cheerful mood, nor will they always judge everything so accurately. Every communication between us is inseparable from the infinite variables brought by the environment outside the family. Therefore, there is no so-called successful mode of transmission, and there is no panacea for all diseases. To achieve effective communication, parents need constant practice and study. 1. Face up to your inner feelings. Before communicating with children, don't drag in the bad feelings from outside. 2. Admit your imperfections. Before asking your child to achieve 100%, ask yourself if you really want to achieve that level. Is it because of my imperfection that it affects my present work and life? I must grow up. The child is growing day by day. When observing the changes of children, see if you are growing up. If you stagnate, don't be surprised that you can't read a child's heart. 4. Give children independent space. Communication is supported externally, but meditation can generate internal forces, and so can children. Communication has its own personality. Every family, everyone has their own way of communication. As a child connected with your flesh and blood, love is the best channel between you, and skill is only a little aid. Never put the cart before the horse.
Question 3: How to communicate effectively with children "Family is a factory for shaping personality". The educational function of family is embodied in parent-child relationship, and parent-child communication is the mechanism of this function. Effective communication between parents and children can be considered from the following aspects. First, the timing of communication should first be chosen when children have a desire to communicate, such as when children are successful and happy, parents should learn. ...
Question 4: How to communicate effectively with children. Understand the personality characteristics and psychological needs of children in different periods. People will experience many things in their life, and experience-feeling-will be over. Everyone is a growing life, and growth is more important than success. A person's childhood experience will accompany him all his life, and effective communication is particularly important in family and social relations. Psychologists believe that children's hearts are fragile and they need support and understanding. Every word of encouragement will make children confident. However, a rude reprimand is enough to greatly hurt their dignity. It is terrible to deny children easily and doubt their abilities. "Stupid, dull, stupid and bad" is the most severe sentence in children's hearts, which ruthlessly turns them into "other" in a family or school. At the same time, their spiritual world will also become gloomy, which will lead to a spiritual crisis. Edison was classified as a "stupid boy" by his teacher when he was a child, but his mother kept encouraging him and said that he would succeed. Finally, Edison became a great inventor. In fact, every child is a genius, but many of our parents are not good at discovering and lack training methods, so that "genius" passes by their children. Children grow up at different ages, with different characteristics and different needs. Therefore, parents and children should have different contact methods and communication languages. It is necessary to communicate according to the physiological and psychological characteristics of children at different ages and combined with things that children are interested in, so as to receive better results. Some parents think that the questions raised by their children are somewhat naive and divorced from reality. In fact, children can't tell the difference between reality and imagination, ideal and fantasy. Psychological research shows that only 18% of 6-year-old children can distinguish between reality and fantasy; 90% 9-year-old children can understand whether the story is fabricated or true; 1 1 year-old children can start to understand honesty from a new perspective. Children are a mirror of adults. They will reflect the success and failure of your education. Therefore, parents should pay attention to communication with their children. What should children pay attention to in primary school? At this time, parents should first care about their children's study. However, some parents think that this will cause children's dependence. China has a profound cultural and educational background, but the most difficult thing is China's square characters. Children from kindergarten to primary school are not familiar with the concept of learning. At the beginning, parents should accompany them, let the children do their homework one by one and develop good study habits. Let students understand; Learning is not only taught by teachers, but also encourages children to exchange different views with children through thinking. Several children of the same age do their homework together after school. This kind of group study is worth promoting. Secondly, we should also care about the children's school situation (the relationship with teachers and classmates) and cultivate their natural and graceful, positive and happy mood. For example, if you lose an eraser and your pants are worn out, don't criticize endlessly. Talk to children about interesting things that happened at school and do things that children are interested in. For example, take children to visit science and technology exhibitions and watch children's dramas instead of buying clothes and doing stock business in the stock market. In moral education, primary school students mainly cultivate the concept of right and wrong. Parents should set an example, be patient and don't be confused. To cultivate children's concept of right and wrong, we must be persuasive, not rude, and not blindly accommodating. What should we pay attention to when our children are older? When children are young, they may take the words of their parents and teachers as imperial edicts. But great changes will take place in adolescence, and adolescent mental health education is more important than cultural knowledge education. Because at this time, children's psychological growth lags behind their physical development, and their abilities of logic, judgment, frustration tolerance, self-regulation and self-control are far from enough. Moreover, children at this time are more willing to be close to society. For adolescent children, it is impossible for parents to talk to you seriously. Parents should pay more attention and learn to communicate in action. At this time, children all like games and travel. They should take their children out to see nature. In these energetic activities, they can understand their own thoughts and strengthen communication, so that they can grow up healthily. Some children went to college and left home. How should parents communicate with them at this time? Parents love their children best. Different ways of love lead to different results. The important thing is that your children can accept your way. If some parents contact their children online, both parties have their own blogs and are online ... >>
Question 5: How can parents communicate effectively with adolescent children? Parents should learn some communication skills with adolescent children.
Listening is the best language for communication.
Communication is the best language when listening, but many of our parents often don't listen, because most parents don't listen to their parents when they are young, so parents don't listen to their children, which is the main reason why children don't listen. We like to educate our children in the traditional way, but today's children are not what we were yesterday.
Every time Xiao Jian talks with his parents, his parents always interrupt him before listening to him. They will even guess and fabricate many things that are not meant by Xiao Jian, and impose them on Xiao Jian at once, and then give suggestions on how to deal with them. Often at this time, Xiao Jian wanted to cry, and it was useless to explain. Therefore, Xiao Jian is often very upset about this. This situation has intensified recently. Xiao Jian felt that this family was becoming more and more strange to him, so he didn't want to go home after school and wandered around the community alone.
2. Respect is the secret of successful communication.
Adolescent children very much want to be respected by others, especially parents, teachers and classmates at home, but our parents always regard them as children who don't grow up, and they can feel at ease only when everything is arranged for them, thinking that children can suffer a lot less. In fact, children have not grown up as they expected.
I have consulted such a senior three boy, whose father is the boss of a private enterprise and has good economic conditions. The child is very clever, and he often takes the first place in the class in elementary school mathematics. In junior high school, in order to let children enjoy the best educational resources, the father transferred his son for many times and changed to three schools in the third year. All the decisions were made by the father alone, and the son's opposition to his father was completely ignored. The total score of my son's college entrance examination is only 170. He is becoming more and more introverted and doesn't talk to anyone. At this time, parents are really anxious to find psychological counseling.
With the deepening of the negotiation, the boy wrote this passage:
When I was a child, I was a very happy child. Although my family was not rich at that time, I was loved by everyone, happy and naive. I don't know when I started, I gradually changed, became silent, became realistic, became disappointed with reality, became disappointed with my family, and became less trusting. I began to be lonely, helpless, always lonely, afraid to contact others, because I was afraid of suddenly losing contact after becoming friends. This happened several times, because I listened to my parents and kept transferring schools. Although my parents made it for me, it has completely changed. In recent years, my life has been so depressed that sometimes my emotions get out of control, but I can't help it. I can't help it My heart is saturated and I can't bear it. I want to change ― but I can't. On a night alone, I just want to cry …
3. Help children clear Qian Qian's mind.
When children enter adolescence, they will have more troubles. They don't know what to do with it themselves. If parents can help their children untie Qian Qian's knot, they will be happy to communicate with you. If you help them become more and more confused, children will not have the desire to communicate with their parents on their own initiative.
One day, the psychological counselor came to a special high school girl. Her father said that her daughter hardly talks to her mother now, and she can barely communicate with him. The daughter's room is next to her parents' room, but she communicates with her father by SMS.
When she sat in front of me, her eyes were full of expectation. She slowly opened a notebook, and all the questions were presented to me, writing three pages. She said that these are problems that bother her every day. She thinks it's hard to be a man! Parents can't answer these questions, let alone solve them, so she doesn't want to communicate with them.
4. Moderately communicate some "taboo" topics with children.
Shanghai Family Planning Publicity and Education Center conducted an adolescent survey of 1700 junior and senior high school students in five schools in this city. Nearly 60% of middle school students express "letting nature take its course" in intimate communication with the opposite sex, which accounts for 89.32% of high school girls, many of whom have already had sex. The reasons for the attraction of the opposite sex in adolescence may be: physiological and emotional needs, the need to get rid of loneliness and depression, alleviating the pressure of study, satisfying the psychology of comparison and curiosity.
I question the word "puppy love" Children's emotional attachment to both sexes is a natural thing and the result of backwardness. "Puppy love" is an excuse that we adults impose on our children, and our love for our children is helpless and powerless to stop it. In fact, 63% of students hope that classroom education will let them know about some physiological, psychological and emotional changes in adolescence, and don't cling to the pipa in education ... >>
Question 6: How to communicate effectively with children Q: Why is it more difficult for children to communicate as they grow up? How can I communicate effectively with my children?
A: This is a very common phenomenon. Why are children reluctant to communicate with their parents when they are very young, even in the fourth and fifth grades of primary school? Because they are very caring and don't want to love you.
Our parents want to communicate with their children with fear. Everything children say is easy and full of innocence, and parents are nervous and nervous. When he tells his parents that "the children are playing a new game", your nerves will get nervous. "Who told you that? Is it your deskmate? Or which classmate? I told the teacher to change your deskmate, or you should stay away from him, and you will start playing games in a few days. " Or he said which boys and girls in our class go home together, and parents immediately responded, "What is this environment? Puppy love? Is there? " DD, it is very unpleasant for children to communicate with you, which does not conform to the life law of communication.
But the child is very caring, angel and kind. He found it hard for you to tell the truth. He can't stand it, so shut up or say something that sounds more to your liking. For example, dad asked, "How was school today?" He replied "not bad" and "what about the grades?" "Not bad" "Did the teacher criticize you?" "No, Dad, if you are all right, I have to do my homework."
Life needs communication. The purpose of communication is not only to convey some necessary information, but also a very important psychological function, that is, communication between feelings. There is a saying in the Book of Changes that "six strategies play a role and bypass feelings". Emotions and feelings are interlinked and blended, which brings them closer to each other, implants love in communication and nourishes each other. Then exchange information on this premise, so that our mutual understanding and love can become broader and deeper. On this basis, we can inspire each other.
Question 7: How to communicate with children correctly can effectively narrow the psychological distance between you and your children and narrow the generation gap.
Understanding is an emotion of unconditional love and respect, which requires your selflessness and love. But as parents, we often take our "face" very seriously. We often expect our children to obey us unconditionally, but we can't respect them unconditionally. Of course, this does not require parents to agree with all the children's views and behaviors, but we should be able to put ourselves in the child's shoes, see with the child's eyes, listen with the child's ears and think with the child's head.
Parents should know that for adolescent children, it can be said that they value their peers and ignore adults more than anyone else. If parents can't understand them, children will look for someone who understands them. On the other hand, if parents can understand them, they will feel the warmth and security of the family and will be willing to communicate with their parents. Parents should bear in mind: for adolescent children, only understand first, and then guide them correctly. Without understanding, all education and guidance can hardly have a really good effect!
There is a need for understanding between parents and children, and understanding is a concrete manifestation of love and respect. Whether parents treat their children or children treat their parents, there is generally no lack of love, but there is often a lack of respect. Because of the lack of "respect", I can't even feel "love" as a result. Now you might as well start with "understanding", and a dramatic change will happen: the psychological distance between you and your child will be shortened immediately, and the quarrel and conflict between you and your child will be reduced immediately. So, what does it take to understand children? It's just an old saying, "Look at your heart", don't you think?
Please think about the following exercises:
If your child complains to you about his mother: "Mom is the most annoying, nagging all the time!" " "What's your reaction?
1, unfilial descendants! Is it outrageous that your mother worked so hard to raise you since childhood?
Do you think mom's speech bothered you?
3. How can you feel this way? Thanks to your words!
I'm not sure. You seem upset recently? Can you talk to dad about something?
Second, tell your child how you really feel.
When parents talk with their children, it is very important to accurately convey their inner thoughts and wishes, so that children can feel the care and goodwill contained in their parents' "criticism" and "education", which can reduce their resistance caused by their parents' "inappropriate words".
Parents, originally disciplined by "love and kindness", are often covered up by various improper ways. When parents angrily scold their children, their "love" is often lost in "rough discipline". Although many parents sometimes claim that "I am doing this for your own good" while scolding their children, it is difficult for children to feel the "love and kindness" of their parents. Parents are often immersed in their own starting point, completely "for the good of their children", and go their own way without even thinking about their children's views on themselves. A father was surprised to learn by chance that his son "hates and fears" him: he never thought about his son's opinion of him before, but only thought that he loved his son very much. Since then, he has changed the way of disciplining his son. Studies at home and abroad show that parents are too strict and lack warmth, which is not conducive to the healthy growth of children, just like too much protection and interference.
Parents should not use "beating, scolding and reprimanding" to cover up and package their "love and kindness", but should directly and accurately express their feelings and thoughts, which will be better.
For example, parents can say to their children who come home late: You came back too late, and we are all worried about you. I dialed a dozen times and almost called 1 10 to report the case!
"Worry" is the true feeling of parents, and "anger" is produced by "worry". Tell your child her "worry" directly and frankly. No matter whether she comes home late for legitimate or improper reasons, most of them will feel their parents' deep concern and feel guilty when they hear this. If this good communication is the basis, the next "education" will be easy to accept.
Parents criticize that educating children is a deep concern for children and a duty and obligation that parents should perform. However, parents should also pay attention to the following points when criticizing and educating their children:
1, to avoid exaggerating the facts. Don't use sentences like "You always", "Are you sure" and "You never". Intention ... >>
Question 8: How to communicate effectively with children? First of all, you should absolutely respect children. Filial piety is no longer advocated now. Treating children is the same as treating friends. If your friend forgets to bring an umbrella, will you blame him? The answer is no, you will comfort her and send it to her, but some parents have different attitudes towards their children, calling him pig brain and so on.
Question 9: How to communicate effectively with children? Hello! Make friends with children first. Talk to him slowly. Listen carefully when he speaks. . .
Question 10: Case: How do parents communicate effectively with their children? Only when parents put down their airs, respect their children in life, treat each other as equals, establish mutual trust with their children, and be their intimate friends can they achieve the most successful communication.
Children often like to associate with adults outside the family, because those adults treat them as peers, and children often don't feel this atmosphere at home.
Some parents always treat their children like superiors to subordinates, emphasizing their own views and dignity regardless of their children's thoughts. Parents are always right and children are always wrong. Doing so will not only fail to get the children's approval, but also easily arouse their antipathy and destroy their parents' image in their eyes, thus failing to achieve the expected educational effect.
In fact, the interaction between parents and children should be equal and democratic, not arbitrary. First of all, children should be respected in the family and in the process of education. Although children play the role of children in the family, their values and dignity, like their parents, should be respected. In short, children should be respected in life, and parents should also communicate with their children from an equal angle, so that children can believe in themselves more when educating their children.
However, we should also see that in life, it is not enough for parents to respect their children, but also to build mutual trust with their children and let parents become their intimate friends.
Trust can be understood as believing in the honesty, integrity and reliability of others.
When Mrs Martin's daughter Linda came home from school, she complained that the teacher yelled at her in front of the class today. After hearing this, Mrs. Martin folded her waist and said in a questioning tone, "What have you done?" Linda glared and said angrily, "I didn't do anything." "No, the teacher won't scold the students for no reason."
Linda sat heavily in the chair and stared at her mother with an unhappy expression. Mrs. Martin continued, "How are you going to solve this problem?" Linda stubbornly said, "Nothing." If you keep asking questions like this, there will be confrontation between mother and daughter and nothing will be solved.
At this time, Mrs. Martin changed her attitude and said in a friendly tone, "I'm sure you are embarrassed because the teacher scolded you in front of the whole class." Linda looked up at her mother suspiciously, and her mother went on to say, "What?"
I remember the same thing happened to me when I was in the fourth grade. In fact, I just stood up and borrowed a pencil during the arithmetic exam, and the teacher let me down. I feel very embarrassed and angry. "
Linda showed a relaxed look and was very interested: "Really? I only ask to borrow a pencil in class because I don't have enough pencils. I really think it's unfair for the teacher to lecture me for such a simple thing. " "well. But can you find a way to avoid this embarrassing situation in the future? " "I can prepare an extra pencil so that I don't have to interrupt the teacher's lecture and borrow it from others." "There is nothing wrong with this idea."
Mutual trust between parents and children is an important aspect of their relationship, because distrust will cause conflicts in real relationships and directly affect the quality of education. Therefore, as qualified parents, we must always use honest behavior to gain the trust of our children.
The most important thing to gain children's trust is not to cheat them. Children's questions, including traditional taboo topics such as "death" and "sex", should also be answered honestly.
In addition, don't promise anything to your child easily unless you promise to do it. Children often take adults' promises as vows. If a promise is made, but this serious promise is broken, the child will no longer believe it. Therefore, what you say must be sincere in order to gain the trust of children.
Once a child reaches a sensible age, he should believe what he says to build mutual trust (unless what he says is untrue), and don't go abroad and ask the child, "Is what you say really true?" Or "Don't lie to me!"
This will make the child doubt your trust in him. He will not doubt the child with goodwill, but will try to realize his trust in you.
Also, if parents don't wait for their children's complaints to end, they will jump to conclusions and make inaccurate accusations based on some signs, which is an emotional abuse of their children. You must assume that the child is innocent unless you have enough evidence to prove that he has made a mistake. If you don't do this, it will be difficult for children to believe that there is still trust and sincerity between you.
When you find that your child is dishonest with you, you should still have an honest and trusting attitude towards your child. I believe ... >>