One night, when I read this book again, I thought of this story: a painter once put his paintings on the street, asked passers-by to point out the shortcomings in his paintings, and circled them. As a result, he saw that all his paintings were circles. . He was so depressed that he didn't want to draw any more. Later, someone told him why you didn't let others see the success of your painting, so he put his own painting on the street and let passers-by point out the success of his painting. As a result, his paintings are still full of circles.
Any book is "the elegant see its elegance, the vulgar see its vulgarity", as long as you are willing to look at it with appreciation, there will be some merits.
When I read this book again, I won't be so picky. I tried to read it with appreciation, and finally found that some educational ideas in this book are still worthy of recognition, and Ma Lijuan's way of dealing with some things is also worth learning.
Wei Shusheng said: If you treat students as angels, you will live in heaven every day; If you regard students as demons, you live in hell every day. What this sentence conveys to us is that whether you live in heaven or hell actually depends on the way you look at students.
Why not treat children like this? Treat children with less criticism and more appreciation. Only in this way can we find the advantages in children. Children are not as headstrong and unreasonable as we thought. He just vented some emotions in a wayward and unreasonable way. We should treat and deal with children's emotions well.
Look at the child with appreciation, and you will find that everything the child does, everything he says is lovely. Moreover, if you can appreciate your children, you will also find that children will become more and more excellent and lovely. On the contrary, the child will become more and more confused in your critical eyes, and his spontaneous behavior will gradually drift away. ...
I like YiHeng, especially the way he pouts when he is angry, even when he is disobedient and unreasonable. These, in my eyes, are lovely. Because, from him, I saw what I looked like when I was a child. Yiheng also has shortcomings in body and personality, but I believe that as long as I give him enough understanding and tolerance, his small defects in personality will definitely fade with age.
I will continue to appreciate him and everything he has done. ...
Give children immediate happiness.
We talk about "happiness for children" every day, so what is happiness for children? How to make children feel the happiness of the moment?
Teacher Ma gave the answer: For some people, happiness means that you can play in the bunker with your tail up all morning; Can roll a worn tire and run a few laps in the yard; A cloth bag that can sew seven twists and eight turns; Can wrap bean paste in dough and put it in the oven; You can take a big ladle to water the vegetable fields and bathe the sheep. ...
This passage is very good.
To give children immediate happiness, we should let them enjoy everything they should enjoy at this age, instead of giving them what we understand as "happiness." So, when you see your child lying on the ground watching ants, please don't stop him, no matter what new clothes he just put on. Please don't blame children for playing with mud, regardless of their dirty hands; Please don't laugh at your child when he describes his ideal to you. ...
Because this is the "happiness" in the eyes of children.
Maybe it's different from our understanding of "happiness". But what we have to do is to give children the "happiness" they need, not the "happiness" we impose on them according to our own wishes.
Once, I took Yiheng out to play, and there was a broken badminton on the ground. YiHeng happily picked it up and asked to play with me. Father Heng urged Yi Heng to throw badminton away on the grounds that it was too dirty. Yiheng obeyed and immediately threw away the badminton, but he kept turning around and quietly begged me, "Can you tell dad that I want that ball?"
I think this kind of thing is not only done by Hengda, but actually it is possible for each of us to do it.
Children's happiness is very simple, perhaps just a small card, a worn-out pen, a car abandoned by others. ...
What we have to do is to do our best, kneel down, feel these happiness and happiness with children's eyes, and feel the happiness for children now (after reading) after reading it.
Therefore, in the process of educating Yiheng, as long as what Yiheng does does does not violate the law and morality and is conducive to his healthy growth, he can do whatever he wants. When he didn't take the stairs well and insisted that I hold his hand and walk down step by step and say "I'm flying", I said "OK"; When he wanted to see real pigs and sheep, I said "OK" and took him to see them. When he wanted to play with the dirty rain on the ground, I said "good" and encouraged him to play …
Yes, I said "yes", which are the two words that Yiheng and I said the most.
"Yes" means permission. Don't refuse these small demands of children, because these small demands will make children feel happy and happy. If you refuse, it means depriving the child of the right to be happy.
Next time, when a child asks your advice about something, I hope you say "yes". Your "yes" will make the child feel happy and happy.
Don't deprive children of the right to accept setbacks.
Teacher Ma has such an educational idea in the book "Give Children Happiness Now": If children want to grow up, they have to go through what they have to go through, which may be conflict, contradiction or rejection.
Conflict, contradiction and even rejection are all things that a child must experience in the process of growing up, and they are indispensable experiences in his growing up. However, most mothers deprive their children of this experience. Specifically, the child fell down while walking, and the mother immediately ran to help the child up; Children have disputes with their children, and the mother handles them on their behalf; The child got into a fight with his playmate, and his mother immediately pulled him away. ...
If the child falls, he can get up by himself; If there is a dispute with the child, the child should face it himself; Especially when children fight with playmates, most mothers are afraid that their children will hurt each other and immediately pull them away. In this case, I usually don't rush to take the child away. I will stay quietly and carefully observe the child's next move. Usually, they don't really hurt each other, or even play together soon after the fight.
I have always believed that children should not solve things. Try to let the child solve the problem by himself, because the process of solving things is the process of his growth and progress.
Sometimes I take Yiheng out to play, and there are already children playing on the slide in the amusement park. YiHeng will say, "I want to play, too. Will you tell them? " Or, when he has an argument with his child and doesn't want to play, I will encourage him to solve it himself. Take him to the supermarket to buy toys, but I can't find where the toys are. I will encourage him to ask the waiter himself. Even, I will deliberately hide and then observe how he handles it near him. Of course, I once taught him what to do if he accidentally lost his parents while shopping in the supermarket. This is suitable for crowded places, to ensure that children will not be in any danger and will not be cheated away by others)
Frustration education is something that every child must accept. In order to keep their children from falling behind others, most mothers enroll their children in various interest classes and let them receive all kinds of education, but they lack frustration education.
Understandably, because of their "love" for their children, parents are unwilling to let their children suffer hardships and let them face difficulties and solve them alone. As Mr. Ma said in the article Thinking Caused by Love: "(Parents) think too much for them, do too much for them, and make decisions for them without asking what their inner voice is." In this way, children will never have the opportunity to grow up independently, children will never become mature, and they will never have a positive attitude when facing difficulties.
In the process of continuous education, I have actually been accused. Someone said behind my back that "the child is not the meat that fell from you, and you will not pity him from the heart". I don't know what those people say that I don't love YiHeng. Is it because I asked Yiheng to take the initiative to help me with my things when shopping? Or do I never coax him to eat when Yiheng doesn't want to eat? Or is it because I didn't help Yiheng immediately when he fell on the small bike?
Is it because I don't love Yiheng? Teacher Ma has a few words to explain this problem: "Love children" does not mean that if we throw away our instinctive enthusiasm for children at will, it will be difficult to catch up with the people who feed them. Don't they love children? They love the little people standing in front of them more than anyone else. Why can't their love be affirmed? The problem is that when they give their children love, their practices make them unacceptable ... "
In others' eyes, I "don't love" Yiheng, just as Teacher Ma said, "Maybe you just didn't wipe the child's nose right away, maybe you were setting rules for the child, maybe you were asking the child to do what he should do ... but just as you were doing this, an uneducated person jumped in front of you and told you that you did not love the child."
There is a saying that has been vulgarized by countless people: a person's life cannot be smooth sailing, and he will always experience some difficulties and meet some failures. So, why deprive children of the right to accept setbacks? Children need to learn and grow from setbacks.
Frustration is a kind of life experience that children must experience when they grow up. We can't grow up instead of children. Please don't deprive children of the right to accept setbacks!