The essence of intimate relationship, whether it is boyfriend and girlfriend, husband and wife, or same-sex love, seems to be purely the combination of two individuals. In fact, both of them brought their own "behind the scenes" to meet. ?
Have you seen the TV commercials? A man and a woman lie in a poorly cleaned hotel room. The air is full of mixed smells, such as tobacco, perfume, food and so on. They can't stay. It seems that besides their partners, there are all kinds of former tenants sleeping on pillows. ?
Falling in love is a matter for two people. It stands to reason that you should "fast and bathe" and "wash away the lead", bring a brand-new, empty and impartial self to combine with each other-clean up the invisible heart and welcome him or her to move in. ?
But this is always an ideal. No one can completely bid farewell to the past and cut off the past. Everyone lives with their lover with "various former tenants". ?
Don't look at him He is seven feet tall and towering outside, but there may be a child living inside, and he always needs some advice, instructions and guidance from the spirit behind him. ?
My medical assistant colleague, a girl in her thirties, has short curly hair and fine lines on her face. She is too shy to look directly at each other when greeting. At first, everyone thought that she was shy by nature, but only after getting familiar with her did she know that she had been abused by domestic violence for a long time and was currently fighting for custody of her children in divorce proceedings. ?
"I didn't know until I married his family that their family saved money to an outrageous extent," she revealed one day, unable to resist the concern of several colleagues: "In order to save electricity after helping children brew milk, the plug of the thermos bottle must be unplugged; In order to save money, children's milk powder needs three spoonfuls, but it is reduced to two spoonfuls; Domestic water needs to be collected from nearby streams ... "?
"Their family must be very poor," said another young round-faced unmarried female assistant. I quickly corrected: "Please! Her husband is a doctor! 」?
"You must live with your mother-in-law!" The unmarried assistant said again. That's right this time, but everyone present has guessed. ?
"My mother-in-law asked us not to use toilet paper after going to the toilet, but to flush it with water; If you really want to use toilet paper, you have to ask her. She will take out one, tear it in half and hand it over. A female colleague who was abused by domestic violence said. ?
"It's legendary!" A young male doctor who had a grudge against money and couldn't save his salary every other month pretended to be surprised, and then added, "Just move out! 」?
The female assistant who was abused by domestic violence pouted and didn't respond. Her expression seems to be very helpless, as if to say: who doesn't know such a simple mind? The question is can this be done? ?
Mother-in-law has the virtue of thrift on the surface, but it is obviously not commensurate with the economic situation at home; Those rules that seem to cherish material resources are actually laws she promulgated to rule the small kingdom of "home". These strict bans are used to tell her daughter-in-law, an outsider, that I am the queen! ?
Excessive frugality, saving money and reluctant to spend money are actually a trait of obsessive personality, and people with obsessive characteristics are most concerned about controlling, mastering and dominating these problems, whether for themselves or the people around them. ?
In the era of material scarcity, the habit of thrift is very important, so the elders always talk about it, "Don't waste it! Restrain your desire! When most people grow up, with the improvement of the economy, their consumption habits will be adjusted, but those with compulsive characteristics can't change it, and they don't want to change it, because saving money always brings satisfaction and accomplishment, just like being appreciated when being taught by their elders when they were young. ?
A controlling mother will never interfere with her child's living habits, studies, making friends and marriage, even when the child is young, because for her, her son will always be the radish head who learned to go to the toilet when he was three or four years old and made the bedpan and pants dirty and smelly. ?
The mother has a strong desire for control, and it is easy to raise two kinds of sons: one is an introverted, gentle, obedient and filial robot dummy, but lacks enthusiasm; The other is a narcissist who thinks highly of himself, despises everything and loves to control. ?
These two kinds of people are not uncommon among the top professionals in high flyers who are good at learning. ?
Marrying Woodenhead is boring for a long time, and the feelings are easy to find another sustenance; If you marry a tyrant, you might as well go to the zoo to live with tigers and lions. ?
The female colleague married the husband and mother-in-law of the doctor. Doctor husband and mother-in-law, the original world of two people, was destroyed by the arrival of female colleagues; Domestic violence, separation, and negotiated divorce broke out one after another, and the third party and female colleague were eventually expelled from the kingdom, and the world between them was restored to peace decades ago.
In domestic violence, the fist looks like the doctor's husband, but the hand in the boxing glove belongs to the mother-in-law.
Attention! This article is not to tell you that a man with a thrifty mother cannot get married; Most thrifty mothers can raise excellent children. Be careful when you use thrift as a means to vent your desire for control.
"This article is the author's view on cooperative innovation, not his position."