1, gain the trust of the other party.
2. Establish effective emotional connection.
3. Resolve each other's troubles and face life bravely.
I summed up several common methods of psychological counseling, which I think can also be used in life to establish emotional connection and trust with people more quickly and even affect others' lives.
1, listen quietly
In life, when friends talk about their troubles, we are often influenced by each other's troubles, or think it is easy to do something, such as giving some advice. You do this, you do that, you quit, why don't you break up with him!
Usually when most people speak, what they need is to listen. The language behind giving advice is: You are not doing well enough, or I know more than you-the other person doesn't feel good and doesn't necessarily need this kind of thing.
Show concern, respond in an appropriate tone, and tell the other person that you are listening.
In the consulting work, the first few consultants mainly listen, and visitors will feel improved. Being listened to is conducive to self-grooming, and at the same time it will increase strength because it feels concerned and valued.
My friend calf is anxious and likes to brag. Every time we have dinner together, he will talk nonstop and brag about how good he is. I feel anxious or belittled when I communicate with him, so I basically argue with him.
Once, I noticed and put up with my uncomfortable feeling, just listened silently without too much response. Surprisingly, he was very grateful to me after that conversation.
2, * * *
* * * Love is to understand and respond to each other's emotions and emotions, provided that you need to feel each other's feelings first.
Right and wrong often separate us from others. From the emotional point of view, it transcends right and wrong, and people are more likely to have contact.
Give the other person a good impression, the other person will feel understood and accepted, and can quickly establish trust and emotional connection.
* * * Love is not complicated. In consultation, I sometimes just repeat what the other person said emotionally. For example, Xiao Qiang said that my boss criticized me inexplicably, but I didn't do anything wrong. I feel very wronged. I responded: you are very wronged. Xiao Qiang said: Yes! Then continue to talk deeply.
Sometimes * * * feelings will be a little harder, because many people are not used to expressing their emotions, but constantly telling what happened. For example, Xiaolan said that she had to take care of two children, she couldn't sleep well with Ben at night, she had to work two jobs during the day, and her husband didn't take care of her family very much. The consultant responded: Oh, I can't hold on. Xiaolan burst into tears at once, and the subsequent communication was deeper.
3. Understanding
When an old friend was smoking, he was worried that I would criticize him, so he said defensively, how are you going to help me quit smoking?
I said that smoking is your companion when you are upset, and it can also make you feel better.
His expression was shocked. I'm afraid no one has responded to him like this. Even a smoker will say that he can't give up smoking while smoking.
Some people say that this will not promote him to smoke and think that I am an irresponsible friend. In fact, it is precisely because a person does not feel respect and lacks strength in his heart that he needs to smoke to relieve his anxiety-and understanding and respect are giving him strength.
Psychologist kohut made many professional explanations in Mr. Z's consultation, such as sex, competition, aggression and triangular relationship, but Mr. Z said that it was actually this sentence that reduced his anger:
Indeed, when a person feels that he has not been treated as he deserves, he will feel unhappy.
Kohut just accepted and understood his anger.
4, solve
When the other person has self-doubt or shame, he can use the method of resolving it to make him accept it more frankly.
In consultation, it is inevitable to encounter sexual topics, and visitors will feel embarrassed at this time. The counselor will respond: people will be embarrassed to talk about this topic. In this way, some tourists' concerns can be resolved and they can be more calm.
Teacher Li Zixun explained a case. In class, a man has a question to ask Miss Li. After a while, Mr. Li Zixun looked at him seriously and said, Do you really think this is a problem?
The man was startled and suddenly realized, and then within half a month, he himself realized many problems in life.
5, uncomfortable
It may be hard to believe that psychological counselors are not comforting people, but encouraging people to bear those uncomfortable feelings, which is exactly what a mature person needs to experience: to be able to bear the painful feelings and learn from them.
For example, a lovelorn friend is very painful. Usually people will say, the old ones will not go, the new ones will not come, and so on. And I will say, I know you are in pain because you really love him and do a lot for him.
Pain is a part of loss. Only by fully experiencing the pain of loss can we bid farewell to the past, cherish the present and face the future bravely.
Not comfort, but companionship. Through companionship, the other party will know that such feelings are tolerable, and thus gradually have the power to control.