Based on years of research experience, kellenberger analyzed the key issues of effective social interaction from a large number of real cases, and provided simple and practical operation methods, thus helping us to use and improve social skills quickly. To achieve effective social interaction, we must focus on the following four aspects: first, in-depth analysis of communication objects; Second, organize language communication scientifically and effectively; Third, let others remember your information better and faster; Fourth, quickly and properly handle possible conflicts in communication.
First, how to analyze the communication object
In social interaction, when everyone's "interests and concerns" are not unified, communication or exchange will be very difficult, and it is extremely difficult to succeed. Therefore, the number one rule to achieve effective social interaction is: before opening your mouth to communicate, you must first ponder over the communication object. Understand each other's real needs or interests, so that your communication will get twice the result with half the effort.
Kellenberger summarized a "WIIFM table" to solve this problem. The so-called "WIIFM form" means "What's good for me?" -It's none of my business. This form has three parts: the first part is the name of the communication partner, the second part is what obstacles the other party has encountered, and the third part is what can stimulate his motivation. The real function of this form is to make you clear your mind before speaking, put yourself in the interview's shoes and clearly outline the psychological needs of the interviewee, so as to adjust your mentality and strategy. If you fill in this form carefully, you will immediately know what kind of words can effectively impress the other party and let you and the other party quickly reach an understanding.
Second, how to organize language communication scientifically and effectively.
1. Any social conversation must revolve around a "core message".
The "core message" is the only key message you want to convey most-it must not be complicated, it must be composed of the simplest words, and it is to the point. For example, "Please choose our product, which is durable and cheap", "I'm doing a good job and I need a raise" and so on. If the core information is not concise or unique, the other party may not have the patience to listen to you.
2. Organize some "arguments" around "core information".
The main function of "argument" is to support the core information, convince the other party and urge the other party to take action. You can't argue too much. If the speech or demonstration lasts about 20 minutes, it can't exceed 4 at most. Arguments must be valuable. For example, you have to think: Why does this argument support my core message? What will the other party hear before accepting my suggestion? What resistance factors do you need to overcome in order to get the other party to take action? Wait a minute.
Third, how to make others remember your information better?
Statistics show that after each conversation, people usually only remember each other's intonation, words and deeds and feelings. More than 90% people make decisions by impression. How you express yourself-such as your gestures and other body language-will account for 93% of the overall image. Remember, the way to convey information in social activities may be more important than the content of the information, which will determine whether people can remember your information and adopt your suggestions. Therefore, kellenberger believes that paying attention to "visualization" and improving personal performance skills are the keys to effective social interaction.
1. Do some "camera training" in advance before making important talks, demonstrations and speeches.
That is, find a computer camera and practice a simple simulation in front of it. Then play back the video and feel your conversation objectively and neutrally. Think about the places that attract you most and dislike you least in the video. Think about how you feel about your voice and body language, such as tone. How about a pause? How do gestures, eyes, posture and facial expressions make you feel? Wait, and then improve. In this way, you can maximize your practice effect and be more confident in communication or conversation. Kellenberger thinks that facing the computer camera is more useful than looking in the mirror.
2. Conduct breathing training and take care of your voice.
Studies have shown that shallow breathing and tight vocal cords are two major factors that make people tired. A speaker screamed at the top of his lungs on the stage. What he said was very unpleasant and the audience was very uncomfortable. Therefore, it is important to take care of your voice. Kellenberger suggested that we should pay attention to the practice of breathing and voice control. For example, putting your fist on your chest, pressing down hard and saying exclamations such as "ah", "ha" and "hey" loudly can help you make a better voice. Another example is to take a deep breath and exhale slowly, and try to keep the exhalation time above 25 seconds. Repeating practice three times a day can increase the durability of sound. Or move your chin from right to left and back to front at a faster speed. When the chin moves, the vocal cords make a sound. At first, you make a sound while moving your chin, and then slowly make a sound without moving your chin. Persistence in this way can help you find the tone that suits you best and is infectious.
3. Conduct language stress control exercises.
The same sentence can be expressed in many ways, and each expression may convey different meanings. So when you speak, you must pay attention to the position of stress. The position of intonation stress will play a more obvious role in motivation, and the wrong position may be misleading or even counterproductive.
4. Keep eye contact and establish contact with each other.
In the process of communication, the easiest way to build trust with the audience is to keep eye contact. When talking with many people, you can look at a certain part of the room first, keep eye contact with one of them and stay for a period of time. When you slowly transition to the next topic, turn your eyes to other areas of the room, find someone in this new area, keep eye contact with him, and so on. This method will make people feel that you are communicating with him one-on-one.
Fourth, how to deal with possible conflicts.
Being attacked, refuted or questioned is the most likely situation to lead to communication failure. "Bridging technology" can effectively solve these problems.
1. What is "bridging technology"
When encountering unfavorable problems, quickly take advantage of the situation to guide the topic and draw more positive conclusions; In case the conversation goes off topic, we must lead the conversation back to the scheduled track in some way. For example, "This movie reminds me of a book I once read", then the topic of conversation changes from a movie to a book, which is a typical "bridge-building".
2. When to adopt "bridging technology"
In the social process, whenever someone asks you a question, the focus of your thinking is not how to answer this question, but in what direction will this question lead you? For example, you should consider whether this question will make the whole conversation deviate from the subject. Will it disrupt your carefully organized presentation? Will it lead to some topics you don't want to mention? If the answer is yes, it means that you must use bypass technology immediately.
3. How to use bridging technology
First, let the other person feel that you are answering his question, even if your answer is not directly related to his question. Secondly, you must shift the topic to your original conversation. Kellenberger thinks, generally speaking, the bridge can be completed in 30 seconds. Among them, the first 10 second is used for answering questions, the middle 5 seconds is used for bridging, and the last 15 second is left for you to leave a message. The author summarizes several methods to help you bridge the bridge successfully. For example, you can say, "You are right, but what should I emphasize?" "Besides what you just said, what else do I want to add?" "According to my experience, I think?" "Is the relevant information clearly displayed?" And so on, are all ways to consider.