Presumably, everyone has this experience: the wardrobe is full of clothes, but when it comes to changing seasons, I still feel that I have no clothes to wear; Things that are not used always feel that they will come in handy in the future and keep hoarding; Love is not as good as it used to be, but it is not willing to let go. ......
Finally, there are more and more useless things and more negative emotions, but our choice space is getting less and less.
Give life a "break": throw away things that make you feel negative; Stay away from things that hinder your progress; Get rid of the obsession with things and let go bravely.
Today, Intensive Reading Jun introduced the novel Separation by Eiko Yamashita, which is a new finishing skill that anyone can practice. Let's subtract from life, change our consciousness and live an exquisite life.
one
Definition of detachment
When I first came into contact with the concept of breaking up, most people probably had such a question: What is breaking up?
Separation is a behavioral skill. It is more comfortable to get to know yourself and sort out your inner chaos by packing things. Simply put, it is to clean up the garbage at home and clean up the garbage inside. This is a way to make life happy.
Now let's take it apart and look at these three words.
Cut off = cut off unwanted things that want to enter your home.
Give up = give up the rubbish everywhere in the house.
Get rid of the obsession with things.
Welcome to the world of breaking up, come on, break up together!
(1) Breaking up is a messy way to clean up.
The most important thing to break up is to clean up. So first of all, we must make clear the definition of cleaning. Cleaning is a job of screening necessities. When screening essential items, we should consider two dimensions, one is the relationship axis with me. The other is the current timeline.
Cleaning up in a broken home is a process of asking yourself whether an item really has something to do with yourself at present, and then choosing and selecting items.
So when we break up, most of the things we have to do are based on the relationship axis and the time axis. As a result, only what is suitable and necessary for us will stay in our own space. (2) the difference between cutting off, sorting out and keeping.
(1) A break that does not aim at "cleanliness".
This is the biggest difference between breaking up and general storage. Breaking up is not absolutely for the purpose of cleaning the room, but to understand and like the real self through the process of cleaning, and realize the sense of self-affirmation.
(2) give up the protagonist is yourself.
"It's a pity to throw it away, just stay." This idea is to take the object as the protagonist. The general arrangement always focuses on how to keep things, while the separation is based on the premise of continuous circular metabolism, so that the living space is always in a state of change and circulation.
(3) Giving up is self-cultivation.
These three words come from the practice philosophy of yoga, from "disconnection", "abandonment" and "offline", which can give people a more spiritual impression than the words "arrangement" and "collection".
two
The reason why we can't clean up
(1) The outside world: a society with excessive material transition.
In the consumer society, merchants have studied various sales techniques in order to make people buy irrationally. Besides, in the face of discounted goods, we are completely unprepared.
For example, you want to buy a shirt around 500 yuan, but there is a suit with the original price of 1000 yuan next to the shirt with similar price, which is cheaper than 500 yuan. But even if it's cheaper than 500 yuan, you have to spend 500 yuan. But at this time, we often don't care so much, only care about discounts. It's really common to buy it home on impulse and put it in the closet to take up space.
(2) ego: three kinds of people who can't throw things.
① escape type
In most cases, such people are dissatisfied with their families and don't want to stay at home, so they find all kinds of things to keep themselves busy. Plus the messy environment at home, I don't want to stay at home. Slowly sinking deeper and deeper in such a vicious circle. Let's use a case to illustrate.
Ms. Pengzi has been married for 30 years and lives a world of two people with her husband. Life is busy on weekdays, and housework is perfunctory. The reason why she doesn't want to go home is that her relationship with her husband has been long.
As early as 10 years ago, she wanted to divorce her husband, but every time she saw the two boxes he was carrying, she gave up the idea. Every time she sees these two boxes, she thinks that if she gets divorced, her parents will feel sorry for herself. In other words, she put her soul freedom and these two boxes full of clothes at the two ends of the scale, and finally the latter won.
After the breakup treatment, she took the opportunity of cleaning the bedroom, lost two big boxes that affected her thinking, cut off her concern for the boxes and her parents, and finally divorced her husband.
By cleaning up the extremely private space in the bedroom to achieve separation, she found what she really sought.
② Obsessive past type
Such people, even things from the past, are no longer used now, so they should keep them. Most of them imply nostalgia for the good past. Let's continue to use cases to illustrate.
There are piles of things in Ms. Minako's house. Thirty years ago, I received love letters, books I read, photos of my youth and so on. At that time, Minako got married under the pressure of her husband's hard pursuit. However, 30 years later, her husband actually offered to divorce.
Minako's pride was shattered, and she couldn't accept the fact. After receiving the treatment of divorce, she began to pick up things that symbolize the love of husband and wife bit by bit and accept her life again.
What people who cling to the past keep is the feedback of their inner feelings, so if they want to start over, they must pack up all the unforgettable things in their hearts and realize spiritual separation.
③ Worries about the future.
This type of person is committed to investing in the future unrest that does not know when it will happen. This kind of people is characterized by excessive hoarding of daily necessities such as paper towels. If they don't have these, they will feel troubled and anxious. Let's continue to look at the case.
Miss Yamashita's mother suffers from panic disorder. At that time, the drugs prescribed by the doctor were particularly effective, so until now, she still kept them in the medicine box as the lifeblood.
On the one hand, she said that she was very upset and worried that she didn't know when it would happen again. At the same time, she hypnotized herself that "taking medicine = this will happen one day". In order to eliminate her anxiety, she actually put herself into a vicious circle of anxiety by overcoming the physical evidence of anxiety-a disease at hand.
People who are worried about the future should take the initiative to throw away things related to their anxiety to reduce their inner burden. three
The thinking rule of breaking up
In order to carry out the separation thoroughly, it is not enough to know the reason why it cannot be cleaned up. We need to clear our minds and think in a separate way. Here are four rules of thinking for everyone.
(1) Egocentricity
If there is a pair of glasses I am using here, if I hold them and say "Please use them", you may not be able to use them. But if you are asked whether these glasses are "usable glasses", the answer is obviously "usable", that is, usable.
It is also something that can be used, but the judgment on it varies from person to person. In other words, "things that can be used" and "things that I use" are different. If you think so, then, are there many things left in your home just because they can be used?
This is the state of making the object the protagonist. The article is valuable because it is used by me. But most people say "glasses can be used", taking things as the subject. This is the state in which the protagonist's seat is handed over to the object and the focus is on the object.
Is the subject "I" or "object"? Please get into the habit of asking ourselves frequently, so that we can consciously pay attention to the quality and quantity of goods, make a judgment on whether it is necessary, and form the thinking mode of "I use it because it can really be used".
(2) clearly understand the relationship between yourself and things.
To give up your life is to give yourself the best thing at present.
Nothing is thrown away, but it is rubbish anyway, just like "broken ham", and some things are not rubbish, but "unnecessary, inappropriate and uncomfortable", just like "dry ham" tastes tasteless and it is a pity to throw it away.
In parting, things like "dry ham" will constantly release stagnant luck, while garbage and dust like "broken ham" will be released, which is decadent luck.
As long as we get rid of those rags, rubbish and dust, we can eliminate stagnation and decay. Replacing "unnecessary, inappropriate and uncomfortable" things with "needed, suitable and comfortable" things can improve our intangible fortune.
(3) Rethink the meaning of living.
What is the meaning of living?
We might as well go back to the original point and think about this problem. The house can shelter us from the wind and rain and ensure that we are not cold or hot. According to Duan Sheli, the premise of living is to ensure safety and health. If you can't guarantee safety and health, although the house is called a house, it will also become an uninhabitable space.
Pile up a lot of things, full of dust, but also breed mold and mites, such an unhealthy environment; Things are piled high, thrown everywhere on the floor, it is difficult to walk, and there is always the danger of falling objects and tripping and wrestling. This place is not safe.
The function of breaking up here is to make home the best place to relax. Imagine that when we come home from a hard day and open the door, we may unconsciously sigh and say "I'm exhausted". But if the house is spotless, it is very likely that you will say "why not go home" at the moment you open the door.
These words and our unconscious manners, expressions and behaviors actually have a great influence on us. In fact, the living environment can be changed by ourselves, and we need to create a space for ourselves.
(4) Pay attention to the losses caused by not littering.
There is a famous 80/20 principle in economics, which says that "20% of the sales staff have reached 80% of the turnover".
This principle also applies in life. In fact, only 20% of all items are valuable and still working, and most of the time, these 20% items alone are enough to cope with life. In the final analysis, only 20% of the things can solve four-fifths of the situations, and the remaining 80% are useless and annoying garbage, so it will be even worse if you don't throw them away.
In addition, the more things there are, the easier it is for people to fall into the situation of "having to manage" and always force themselves to clean up. However, once people get busy, they can't finish cleaning up, which eventually leads to the proliferation of goods everywhere.
four
A method divorced from reality
Concentrate and start cleaning up.
The "point" here has two meanings: a specific place and a specific purpose.
Concentrate on cleaning a place This place can be a bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, or as small as a drawer, a bookcase, a wallet full of receipts and so on. From the point of view of breaking up, we must choose a place that can be cleaned up within the time we can squeeze out, because if we give up halfway, we will not get a sense of accomplishment and the places we can see will not be satisfactory.
Let's start with the specific purpose. Before tidying up, think about "what I want to get through parting", so that the motivation to tidy up will increase. If you want to get health and safety through parting, you must start from the basic place of survival. Such as kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, bathroom, etc.; If you want to act on the psychological depths through parting, you can start cleaning up the places you can't see and the places you don't want to see.
Therefore, if we only focus on perfection, we can unconsciously open the breakthrough of cleaning. (2) Clean up the litter.
Throwing things is a very important link, because the process of parting is "reduction, classification and storage", so the first thing to do is to completely "reduce". After roughly deciding where to start throwing, the next step is to consider where to start throwing.
Start by throwing away things that are "rubbish anyway" For example, rotten vegetables, broken chairs and other things that can no longer be used. Apart from these hard-to-use rubbish, everyone must have something given by others that is hard to throw away. If you really intend to deal with those things, the other person's face will inevitably come to your mind. What should you do at this time?
She believes that when throwing things, you should express the emotion of "sorry, thank you". Saying goodbye to those things you threw away can make people clear their minds faster.
We can give ourselves things we don't need, but they are useful to others. However, when giving something to others, try not to use the word "give it to you", because "give it to you" is the word used when the speaker looks down on others with a condescending attitude, but should say "please accept it".
Breaking up does not require us to throw things around, but to make effective use of resources for recycling.
(3) trigonometry and 75 1 principle
(1) Organize storage by using the trichotomy.
What is dichotomy? Trigonometry is simply to divide objects into three types: large, medium and small. Now let's take the kitchen as an example. We can roughly divide the things in the kitchen into three categories: ingredients, cookers and tableware, and then subdivide these three categories continuously. The specific division is shown in the figure below.
In principle, these three categories cannot be confused, and different kinds of things cannot be mixed together. Repeated dichotomy can avoid the confusion caused by sorting things out. ② Make use of the July 1st principle to create ample space.
Many newly-built houses are designed with sufficient storage space, and these storage spaces are divided into many types, more than half of which are invisible storage spaces such as closets, wardrobes and drawers.
In a broken house, only 70% of the invisible storage space can be filled. The reason why 30% of the space should be set aside is because it will make people have the desire and mood to tidy up, and the 30% of the space vacated can become a channel for goods to enter and exit. This is also an environmental impact theory. Because the passage is reserved, people will want to tidy it up.
After solving the invisible storage space, there are visible storage spaces such as cabinets and tableware racks. Aesthetically, the limit of these spaces is 50%.
Then there are some decorative storage spaces for others to see. This storage space can only hold 10% of things, which means that things should be as few as possible. This reduces the number of items, and even a small house can naturally create a feeling of high taste.
five
The meaning of breaking up
(1) Improve yourself with items.
An object is a projection of itself. No matter how expensive and scarce things are, people who can judge according to their own needs are strong enough. If people can let go of their obsession, they can be more confident. Let's look at a case.
Miss Yoko is a single woman of 30 years old. After learning to break up, she suddenly remembered a carton of love novels, and the love described in the novel almost ended without results.
In fact, these books are a portrayal of her past love experiences. She always falls in love with someone who will never succeed. In her subconscious, unconsciously lurks a self who refuses to get married. So she decided to give up all the books in this box, and she began to slowly try not to reject marriage.
Therefore, objects can reflect the unknown self, and we can improve ourselves by giving up and throwing away objects that hinder our progress.
(2) accelerate the transition from self-reliance to relying on external forces.
In the process of parting, the first thing that appears is the process of self-affirmation and self-confidence. In this process, people's ideas will change unconsciously. The most obvious thing is that you will find that what you always think is your own idea is actually the idea of your parents or the idea of some people around you.
Confirming your true values and the way you look at things will make you begin to affirm yourself and believe in yourself. Not only oneself, but also the whole world has become credible. Necessary things only appear when necessary. This is equivalent to advancing from the world of self-reliance to the world of external forces.
(3) liberated from the concept of "ownership"
If we break away from and break the long-standing concept of "being", we don't need to make too many unwarranted preparations for a completely unknown future. The so-called "one day in the future", just wait until that day really comes.
In the final analysis, "owning" is an illusion that you firmly believe in, but it's not that you don't want to own anything, but that you understand the essence of owning and naturally feel the desire to cherish things. That's all that matters.
The desire to give up is to enjoy a rare short encounter with things, which must be the happiness we pursue. When the fate is exhausted, let go smartly. Breaking up and parting is a process of self-exploration interspersed in life, and it is an art of making friends with things and creating a comfortable space for yourself. Once the separation is implemented, the sense of self-affirmation can be continuously improved. Sorting out the environment invisible to the naked eye and sorting out yourself at the same time is the state that life should have.
I hope you can also subtract from your life through "separation", live a wonderful life and live yourself.
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