After sorting out the cases at hand, I found that most emotional counselors actually have high hard values (economic strength, external image, career and academic achievements, etc.). ). Many people actually break up because of lack of soft value.
For example, emotional control ability, communication and coordination ability, conflict handling ability, ability to understand emotions and so on. For example, many psychological counselors tend to form "emotional dependence" in the process of getting along with psychological counselors, and psychological counselors cannot do without psychological counselors.
This stems from the fact that counselors can provide counselors with high emotional value (soft value), which is often what redeemed people want most-they want to have the ability to make a person inseparable from themselves.
It is difficult for anyone to leave anyone financially, or it is difficult for anyone to leave anyone mentally. Such a person can't live without you, which will make the other person form psychological dependence on you.
This is very difficult, and it is an advanced recovery method. Even if I wrote it, few people might learn it. But you can learn that there is such a channel where you can learn and benefit for life.
2. Know each other's core.
Where the demand touches the core of ta, you can turn defeat into victory at the critical moment of feelings and never be at a disadvantage. If you want to go deeper into a person, you must be able to think what he thinks, see what he sees, and even think what he can't think and see what he can't see.
You have to give each other irreplaceable value. Many consultants are surprised that through his words, we can understand each other's ideas better than himself, even better than himself. Maybe I haven't seen your experience, but I can restore it as if I saw it with my own eyes.
One is because of my major, and the other is because I have rich experience in guidance and emotional counseling. Counselors know you, but they don't know you. Studying human nature is what we need in our work. We need to know all kinds of people.
This ability also applies to recovery. You don't need to know everyone well, you just need to know your recovery goals. You have a basic understanding of him, and then go deep into the core, you can become an irreplaceable object and confidant in his life.
3. Don't judge at will
What is happening to you now is hard to give up and painful. In fact, you know the psychological mechanism behind yourself and can use it for you. Why can't you let him go? Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? What's the point of not living without him? How can I make the other person not let you go? Breaking up and lasting, but the difference between a thought.
There are also many communication skills and methods, but it is better to understand him. Just like what he wants, you can know, understand and respect. It is difficult to be aggressive, and there is no need to be humble, please, and cater to it.
You should understand that human nature is not just good and evil, and don't judge a person. Let me start by saying that the principle of being a consultant is not to interfere with the wishes of clients. And when we guide the recovery, what we need is to analyze and understand the core needs of the target. A person has motives and reasons for doing or not doing something.
We help people recover. We need to know what the target wants in a relationship and what kind of object he will need.
4. Problem-oriented
People around this girl say that this boy is love rat, so he just wants to sleep with her. We see more chicken soup with positive energy or negative energy, but it can't really solve our current problems and needs.
Therefore, judgment cannot solve the problem. The complexity of human nature lies in its strangeness, unpredictability and undercurrent, but it is neither black nor white nor evil. Good and evil are the products of different scenes.
The good and evil we feel is related to the feeling of self-interest. If a person poses a threat and harm to us, our brain will tell us that this person is "bad".
5. Respect personal wishes
Even the notorious "evil man", if you deeply understand this man's past, you will find that he has struggled all his life and is eager to reach a reconciliation with himself, which is what every soul pursues.
If you always think that people are "like this" or "should be like this", that is the limitation of your understanding, and most moral standards come from ideological struggle; Or it's easy to be disappointed in human nature. Can only say that pessimistic about human nature, not profound.
The appearance of a person is very different from the reality, because the more mature a person is, the better he is at pretending, because he is more suitable for the law of social existence. Everyone has free will, whether parents, partners or psychological counselors, we can't and shouldn't interfere with each other's will.
Many people choose to control in their own way because they can't see through each other, instead of understanding each other's thoughts. Emotional breakdown can be said to be the inevitable result. To truly understand a person is to be able to feel his pain, from which he gives birth to compassion and love and wants to help him get rid of it.
6. How to have advanced skills
This advanced skill is difficult, because it takes experience or talent to see through a person. One type of experience is experiencing misfortune, or suffering a lot in life and being ill for a long time, that is, experiencing those pains personally and seeing all kinds of human nature.
Experienced people often see through a person easily and see things clearly. So I will let the redeemed people meet new people after breaking up. One of the reasons is that this will not only relieve your pain, but also let you see more and know more.
It is not difficult to understand that experienced psychological counselors also belong to the experiential type. More people will naturally have richer and more comprehensive views. Talent type is generally born with high sensitivity and strong emotional ability. Being too sensitive is not good for a person, which means that the soul is more fragile and more susceptible to the emotions of others. Natural people have advantages, but most of them can be acquired.
7. Specific methods
Compared with talent, you need to have strong endurance and accept different people and opinions; You should also have enough psychological endurance, dare to face and accept the bloody reality that may sometimes exceed your expectations. Therefore, recovery requires you to have courage. This kind of courage is not only not afraid of failure, but also the courage to see the dark side of this person. Have the courage to face the worst, and finally be able to believe that the world is still brighter than darkness.
Finally, I will give you a few simple tips that I will often use in my own life:
0 1. Learn to listen.
We can find the similarities and differences between other people's ideas and behavior logic, and maybe you can better understand the person you want to read.
02. Don't refute people who have different ideas with you easily.
You always preach from your own standpoint, trying to prove that the other person is wrong and you are right, and the other person will think that he is not talking to you. If you close your heart, you won't know what he is thinking. You may win the argument, but you lose the chance to enter a person's heart.
8. Don't step on the minefield
In communication, we should pay more attention to non-verbal information than verbal information. Some people have a strong desire to talk, and some people don't like to express themselves, but their behavior can still let you know about a person.
Have the courage to meet all kinds of people. If you only want to deal with people who are easy to get along with, then your understanding of human nature is single. We can take an active part in social activities, or watch some in-depth books or movies to get to know others, especially people who are different from you.
A deep understanding of human nature can help you manage your feelings and life better, and seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. Many people who can't make rational analysis and make the best choice in their feelings, in the final analysis, are not too deeply in love and easy to get emotional, but have a single understanding of human nature.
All relationship problems are just love going astray. After understanding human nature, you will understand that true love can correct and solve problems. Human nature may not be as good or as bad as you think.