A good husband is not born, but needs to be cultivated, so how should we cultivate a good husband? How to cultivate a good husband is something I want to share with you. Welcome to browse.
Keywords: 1: * * *
? It is enough to have a bosom friend in life. ? In fact, not only men, everyone will feel close and cherish those who know themselves. On the contrary, refusing, doubting, accusing, complaining or even hitting and punishing will only make people stand up and refuse to change.
In this case, we will start with a joke:
There was a man who came home from work every day, excusing himself from paying public grain. A woman complained to her friend, who told her that if you only cook vegetarian food every day, he would have problems after eating a few meals. Then you tell him that even if I don't start a meat-free diet, you still want to eat meat.
Sasha recently encountered this kind of embarrassment. Zhihua has been working overtime for a month or two. He always comes back late every day and falls asleep when he gets home. What did this make Sasha do?
? My statement 1:? Honey, what's wrong with you? Why don't you want to touch me? Are you not interested in me anymore? Don't you love me anymore?
? Landmine statement 2:? When does it end when you come back so late every day? ! Can't you stay with me? Just working? When you got married, you immediately put me back, right? ?
Needless to say, how will the husband react to such words? So how did the clever Sasha do it? One day Zhihua came home and another one came? Beijing paralysis? Sitting on the sofa, glassy-eyed and silent. Sasha didn't say anything. Let Zhihua have a good rest and hand him a hot towel. Come on, honey, wipe your face. ? Then he rubbed Zhihua's shoulder and said to him:? Honey, have you been busy recently? Your project is just the time to work hard, and the competition is too fierce now. Your team is really not easy. ?
Zhihua turned his head:? Yes, this is a critical moment. ?
? How hard you worked to get here. I know you actually hope to make some achievements this year and lay some economic foundation for our small family. Besides, our parents suffered a lot in the past. I know your greatest wish is to let them live a good life as soon as possible. Your filial piety is really rare. ?
? Wife, you know best. Zhihua took Sasha's hand. Looking at his wife's gentle eyes, the fatigue of the day seems to have dissipated, and he feels an irresistible tenderness. This is a great sense of security that is accepted and understood. He couldn't help hugging and kissing his wife?
In the relationship between husband and wife, the so-called cultivation first means that you can develop an affinity, and you have the ability to understand, accept and love each other, which is the premise of everything.
Of course, you may think that I am also very uncomfortable and wronged. This is obviously his problem. Why should I get to know him first? ! If you think so, it's true, but it's a natural idea. Because there is a huge ideological trend in society: that is, men should fight for their careers. Without the success of career, men's social status and dignity will be very low; Women should take good care of their families, reconcile family relations and make their families happy. Whether this setting is reasonable or not, the objective reality is that a powerful collective unconscious has been formed for thousands of years, and all people living in this society will inevitably be affected.
The different division of labor between men and women in social life formed over thousands of years has caused their differences in social functions. Men are better at dealing with things that require rational ability, while women are better at dealing with things related to sensibility. Therefore, women do have an advantage over men in reconciling family relations. (There are exceptions, of course) That's why some people say? Does mother decide the style of a family? .
In many families, men in emotional relationships are more rigid, wooden, clumsy and passive. This is not because they intend to do so, but because they lack the opportunity to train their perceptual skills. Then if a woman doesn't want to do anything, the relationship between them may become more and more rigid.
If the wife can't take the initiative to mediate the relationship, she is either depressed and unable to do positive behavior, or her emotional intelligence is insufficient and she can't start.
If it is the former, you need to calm yourself down first. The specific methods are: speaking, writing, singing, drawing and moving. If self-help fails, you can also seek the help of a psychological counselor to restore emotional stability and emotional ability. If it is the latter, you need to improve your emotional intelligence through a long-distance consultation, feel understanding, * * * and proper love from the psychological counselor, and learn the ability to imitate and understand * * *, in order to give others high-quality love.
The imbalance of life is often caused by being hurt and having a knot, and training is to let the other person feel that he is loved in an emotional way. Only sincere love will give the wound a chance to heal.
When the internal wound heals, the external behavior will naturally change? Men will involuntarily want to be close to you, and you will have the opportunity to let the other person know more about you and understand your needs.
Keyword 2: Respect
On the basis of that article, it was repeatedly emphasized that respect, space and superiority are all sensitive words in the male world, and what men dislike most is degeneration, control and coercion.
Wen Bin was transferred to his post six months ago and suddenly became a trapeze artist, flying around several big cities in China. Xiaohui hopes that every time he arrives, he will report peace in time. There will be a letter when he comes back, but Wen Bin just can't. Xiaohui often has to chase after questions. After several times, she felt bored, but she was inevitably worried and anxious, and fell into a dilemma.
? My statement 1:? Isn't it just to send a WeChat call? Is it that hard? Look at Brother Feng. As soon as he landed, he turned on the phone and sent a message to his sister-in-law. If he can do it, why can't you?
? Landmine statement 2:? No, you must let me know where you are. I'm worried about you. Besides, I can contact you in case there is anything at home. ?
1 This statement puts Wen Bin in a relatively backward position, which is taboo for men, especially being looked down upon by his wife, which is very shameful; The second statement is easy to cause the most common delusion of persecution for men: being controlled, women may not care about calling more to report their positions, but if so many men are required, training will become a battle.
Xiaohui is a clever girl. She took a course to promote intimacy, learned the psychological characteristics of men, and changed some opinions.
Once Wen Bin was on a business trip again, Xiaohui sent him a WeChat:
? Dear, I was particularly moved by the gift you brought me when you came back from your business trip last time. Other men buy things for their wives in a routine way, but I can see that you chose them for me with your heart. I feel that wherever you go, there is me in your heart. In fact, I want you to report peace, just to feel this connection between us, not to trace you. Now that I know that you have your own expression, I find it really happy to marry you. Thank you! When you come back this time, I will cook your favorite braised fish for you! ?
Two days later, Xiaohui received a message from her husband:? Arrive in Beijing at 8: 10 tomorrow evening, flight number xxxx. Hard wife! ?
Men want to be needed, valuable and superior. It can be said that the biggest difference between men and women is that men care most about self-worth, as the saying goes? Face? They want to keep their image as men: important, free and unique. Therefore, women need to let men satisfy their self-esteem on the premise that men's sense of independence and space are inviolable, so as to meet the needs of upper-ranking women.
Keyword 3: Expression
Training means flirting and teaching. Why teach? Because men often don't understand the difference between men and women, what's more, men in China are often taken care of and paid too much attention to since childhood, and they don't know how to consider the needs of others, so they need the guidance and expression of their wives.
Wei Wei sent a circle of friends two days ago:
? When I became a mother, I suddenly realized what a father loves like a mountain. Mountains usually stay there and do nothing.
Her baby has just turned half a year old and has returned to work after maternity leave. Busy during the day, not sleeping well at night, Vivian is about to collapse. She is angry that her husband can't help her. Every time she struggled to get up in the middle of the night and watched her husband sleep soundly, she felt very weak. How can I communicate with my husband to make him willing to help himself?
? My statement 1:? I'm exhausted! Can you take care of the children for me? That's your son too. How can you be so irresponsible! ?
? Landmine statement 2:? So sleepy? Honey, I really want to sleep. Really tired
The statement 1 was mixed with complaints and demands, and finally revealed the taste of personal attacks. Men will feel denied and push men away. The second statement is so vague that men either don't understand or pretend to be confused.
So how should Vivian express herself?
? Honey, it's hard for you to commute every day. You have to face so many customers, and you just changed the boss and the new official took office. As you can imagine, you are really under a lot of pressure. I know you need a good rest, too (* * * in love)
But recently, I also went to work. Get up every night to nurse your baby and see you still sleeping. I feel very lonely. It seems that only one person is busy, and I feel very tired and sleepy physically. I really can't stand it. (express yourself)
Can we discuss a way so that we can all have a better rest and not delay taking care of the children? Because if this continues, I will be depressed, unable to rest, and my mood will only become more and more irritable. Not only will I be impatient with the baby, but it will also affect our relationship. A child is very happy. I don't think you want this to end, do you? (Discuss and solve problems)
Vivian's husband apologized again and again: Dear, thanks to what you said, I always thought you could handle it. In fact, I have always felt that I am a big man, not as good as you. I am always afraid of what I have done wrong. This little guy is small and soft. Tell me, how can I help you from now on?
Later, the two began to work together at night, and sometimes Vivian's husband would take the children back to her grandmother's house for a day to let Vivian catch up on sleep.
The logic of the male world is often that if there is a need, it must be said. If you don't say anything, I will automatically think that you don't need help. On the other hand, many women are afraid of being rejected, or embarrassed, or feel that the love they say and want is not love, so they refuse to express it voluntarily. This has caused the blind spot of communication between the two sexes.
In marriage, women must consciously overcome the psychological barriers to express their needs and actively express their needs in an effective and appropriate way.
Specifically, Vivian's expression has three levels:
1, understand that * * * has feelings for each other, indicating acceptance and affirmation of each other's needs;
2. objectively state the facts and express your feelings. note that you need it at this time? Me? Start, tell? I feel it, don't I? How are you?
3. Challenge yourself, express your specific needs, and analyze how the problem will affect yourself, the other party and the relationship between two people if it is not solved, and what the consequences will be.
This kind of challenge is not provocation, provocation is determination with hostility, and determination without hostility is to seek a win-win situation with a calm and slow mood and an equal respect for each other. This is neither forcing the other party to change, nor is it a desperate request, nor is it venting to blacken the other party, nor is it only one-sided and biased. This is a combination that connects the interests of both sides and a cooperation that moves towards a virtuous circle. In fact, the ability to integrate male needs with female needs is the core of training.
Keywords: attraction
The writer Bai Yang once said: It's not the beauty that turns all beings upside down, but the most attractive woman. ? Some people even come to the conclusion that one of the best ways to train animals to chase like people is? Let him not get what he wants. ?
Winnie and A Zhe have been married for nine years. In the past, they just lived, living on daily necessities and not talking about romance. Now that the economy is well-off, coupled with the hype of merchants and the secret comparison between female colleagues in the company, Winnie can't help but feel anxious this Valentine's Day. I don't know what to do. Education? Husband expresses his love for himself.
? My statement 1:? Hey, Zhe, look at me. I'm getting old so fast these years. It's all for you, for the children and for taking care of this family. You see, I always leave the best for you and the children, and I dare not eat or wear it myself.
? Landmine statement 2:? Honey, it's almost Valentine's Day. What gift will you buy me? Last year, Cindy's husband gave her a beautiful blue gem ring! ?
If a woman describes herself as pathetic and tries to win a man's good feeling by coquetry, complaining and inferiority, it will often only have a temporary effect. In a long-term relationship, always putting yourself in a lower position will gradually lose the respect of men. Without respect, the quality of this kind of love is difficult to maintain. The second statement, although it clearly expresses the demand, is only a unilateral request, and it is difficult to convince the other party.
The highest training is to make use of women's own attraction to make men fall for you unconsciously. Winnie, for example, later picked up the violin she put down when she was young and began to pursue her musical dream again. On the occasion of the tenth wedding anniversary, Winnie took her piano to the stage of talent show. In the spotlight, her natural and unrestrained posture surprised A Zhe again and again. In front of everyone, A Zhe gave Winnie two tickets to Saipan as an anniversary gift. Dear, thank you for always surprising me. You are my eternal goddess. I'll make up a real honeymoon for you this time! ?
When a woman begins to go out of the world of family and children and develop her hobbies and circles, she will have higher self-esteem and richer self. With her own world, she is no longer a concentric circle with a man, but forms her own center and boundary. At this time, her husband will feel the need to pursue her again, and the attraction between them will naturally arise.
* * * Love, respect, expression and attraction are all in one word: love!
A woman who can do these four things well for herself is a woman who knows how to love herself well. Love in your heart is like drinking enough water, and you will naturally be willing to share it with others and nourish others with love!
Is it just useful? Love? The established emotional relationship is mutual acceptance, seeking common ground while reserving differences, being honest with each other and being sincere.
Accepting each other and seeking common ground while reserving differences fundamentally determine whether we are taking an ineffective or effective road. Only by treating a man as a man, rather than trying to turn him into a woman, can we avoid the dilemma of chicken versus duck.
Being open-minded, sincere and true will make the training not become a superficial forced change. Only the guidance of love will be the real growth. When your expression is true, not routine, when you really accept him from the heart, appreciate him and respect him, your's heart can be really close.
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