Uncle Zuo, the psychology teacher, is happy to answer your questions.
I am a psychological counselor who is engaged in psychology and mental health services. I am a consultant on mental health education for college students. I ask you, "Do parents' anxiety lead to children's anxiety, or do children's anxiety lead to parents' anxiety? "I answer your question from the perspective of psychological counseling practice.
First, my opinion is that parents' anxiety leads to children's anxiety, and then because children are troubled by parents' anxiety, children's anxiety affects their own learning, and the decline in academic performance further aggravates parents' anxiety and enters a vicious circle with each other.
According to my experience in adolescent psychological counseling, in a family, children are in a relatively weak position, and their emotional behavior will be influenced by their parents' emotions and emotional ups and downs. Parents are a barometer of family emotions.
Secondly, 10 years ago, I wrote an article "How China's parents suffered from anxiety", which specifically analyzed the manifestations and causes of parents' anxiety. Now I will share this article with you:
Every family in China has anxiety disorder, but the degree of illness is different. Generally speaking, anxiety appears from the birth of a child.
Let's take a look at the clinical symptoms of domestic parents' anxiety.
Symptom 1: I am worried that my child will lose at the starting line, and I am worried about being upset. I think about how to catch up with the starting line early and not let my child run late.
Symptom 2: Seeing other children studying, keeping cats at home all day and working hard. What should my children do? We can't fall behind, we must try to catch up. For this reason, tea and rice are not fragrant, they can't sleep at night, increase their weight and put pressure on their children.
Symptom 3: How are our children studying? You can't just listen to the child's side of the story. You should ask teachers and classmates. If you can't do it, you should monitor your child from time to time. If so, not only will the parent-child relationship become stiff and broken, but the most important thing is that it will be counterproductive. Children will stop studying, parents will be more anxious and stay up late.
Symptom 4: Children who don't go to key primary schools, junior high schools and senior high schools can't go to college, which means that our children fail, which means that our parents fail even more; There is no way out if you can't get into college, which also shows that our parents are unsuccessful!
Symptom 5: How do children study at school? We have to open a small stove to make up lessons for our children, so parents ask around, watch advertisements, make contacts, and are busy with tutoring their children. Some parents still adhere to the dedication principle of "don't delay their children, then work hard" and hire tutors with high salaries, such as Xueda Education and New Oriental.
Symptom 6: Compared with other children, not looks, clothes, health and so on. But they are all better than academic performance, class ranking or school ranking. Parents often care about their children. How did you learn it? Why are you not as good as others? This can't be done. We must work hard.
Symptom 7: The children of colleagues or neighbors have learned piano, painting, dancing and other so-called quality education, and they look very anxious. Must our children study? Forget about the child's talent. Regardless of children's interests and feelings, you should learn anyway, or we will fall behind.
There are some anxiety symptoms, so I won't list them one by one. Parents all know about them.
Don't just blame your parents. Diseases always have a reason, right? Yes, what are the reasons for parents' anxiety?
I tried to analyze it. Reason one: everything is inferior, only reading is high. Going to college is equivalent to being an official, becoming a public official and having everything. Reason 2: Since the beginning of this century, there has been great pressure of social competition. It is difficult to find a job, and it is difficult to find a job. It is difficult for graduate students to find a satisfactory job or find a job now. Reason 3: Parents have high expectations. Expect the son to succeed and the daughter to succeed. Otherwise, we will become laborers ruled by men, and we are laborers. Reason 4: Children should have a bright future. Sitting in an office, getting civil servants' salaries and medical care for the elderly has a bright future. Reason 5: Parents' psychology of success. Children's failure indicates parents' failure, and we can't be failed parents, so our faces are very shameful.
This anxiety disorder began in the late 1970s, when the college entrance examination was banned and universities resumed enrollment. Parents are thinking that we should give our children a bright future, right? Follow-up event one, for the elite education popular in the country, success is an official, being admitted to a university is equivalent to being an official, becoming a public official, and being able to honor one's ancestors; Second, since 2000, the reform of the distribution system for college students, in which the state no longer monopolizes the distribution of college graduates, has been changed to two-way selection, which has aggravated the seriousness of parents' anxiety and has a tendency to spread.
How to treat it?
Yes, how to help anxious parents?
There is only one prescription: the state completely cancels the college entrance examination single-plank bridge, cancels the examination-oriented education system or reforms the current college entrance examination system; At the same time, parents should lower their expectations of their children, educate them according to their psychological and behavioral characteristics and differences, and make clear their growth goals. Physical and mental health comes first, personality perfection is the core, and success comes second.
Thanks again for the invitation!
I'm going to talk about anxiety today.
First of all, let me talk about parents' anxiety about their children.
1. I don't think children bring too much anxiety to parents, but the anxiety parents bring from their friends circle, classmates around them or excellent children from friends' homes. When other people's children enroll in various cram schools and get various honorary certificates, parents start to worry about themselves, thinking that their children can't do this or that. Find something to say that children are not as good as other children. I find myself in a lot of anxiety.
2. What is the anxiety that children give their parents? Generally speaking, few and most children do well in school. As long as the grades are among the best or above average in the class, it should not bring too much anxiety to parents. I think only children who don't study well or are too naughty at school will bring anxiety to their parents, such as bullying their classmates or making trouble at school. At school, I was called by the class teacher to educate and criticize. I think this is some kind of anxiety that children bring to parents.
I hope my answer can help you.
! I'm glad to answer your question. I'm Sister Juan.
This is an interactive question!
1 You can control your child's emotions.
Although the child is small, he is very observant! When you see yourself in a bad mood, it will affect him. You are worried about asking him how he is, showing your anxiety, and I am nervous.
Children can also control your emotions!
Everyone knows that crying children have milk to eat! What does this mean? The child is sending a message! I cry, but I need you to solve the problem! Come here at once, or I will be even more sad! And the child will look at your face while crying, and even come and pull your clothes to open your mouth and cry loudly [covering your face]. Maybe he won't shed a tear just to let you know that I need you. Common problems in life!
Like a chicken on this issue.