The answer is simple, which proves that you two have passed the test.
Whether to hit a stable period or go their separate ways in the end depends on the transformation of this period.
Why are people so nervous about the topic of "freshness"
There are two main misunderstandings:
(1) thinks that losing freshness is equal to not loving and liking;
True love can always be full of passion.
But in fact, freshness is a warm feeling, which can't be explained and can't exist forever.
If you say that I want to go back to the beginning with him and relive the feeling of blushing and heartbeat again, then I advise you to wake up. There is no time machine in this world, and the fading of love period is an inevitable stage of the development of every intimate relationship.
But if you want to have a good interaction between you and make them more closely connected, this is a wise way.
There are three main reasons:
The phrase "beauty lies in the beauty of lovers" is the most appropriate to describe the love period of two people. At this time, dopamine secretion is at a higher stage, and his advantages can be infinitely magnified by you, and his shortcomings can also be regarded as a lovely side by you.
No matter how you look at it, he has his own aura, but this feeling usually only lasts for about 3 months. After the novelty and excitement of the love period have passed, you can slowly see the objective differences between the two sides.
Maybe you like an enterprising man, whose true face is a "salted fish". Maybe you like his humorous personality, but after getting familiar with it, you will find that his "rotten stalk" has been talked about countless times, no matter the differences in personality, habits or values. , I will tell you clearly:
No matter how much you love each other, you are still two completely different people.
The process of this halo bursting has both advantages and disadvantages. You will start to really get to know each other and judge whether they are suitable or not. Although it is risky, it is more real.
There is a popular poison chicken soup on the Internet: "I have seen you love me, so I'm sure you don't love me now."
This is all because the two sides are out of step and have different emotional needs.
For example, you both like to eat steamed buns in the breakfast shop downstairs. You get tired of eating it for a month, but he still feels delicious after eating it for half a year. Is this a problem with steamed stuffed bun?
When in love:
You want to stay together 24 hours a day; I have said good night many times, but I still can't bear to put down my mobile phone; Short-term separation will also be reluctant to go, looking forward to seeing each other soon. But when the passion fades, one party may change:
Why is he with me every day? I finally have a rest, can't you leave me alone? I have no freedom at all. The neglected party will start to complain that the other party has changed, not as hard as before, not as loving as before, one wants to chase, the other wants to escape, and there are more and more contradictions between them.
This is also one of the obvious characteristics of novelty fading.
In the early days of love, you may think that although I am introverted, he can make me happy; Although I am inspired to be a "Dink" and he hopes to have more children, it is still too early to discuss this issue, so let's talk about it first.
Therefore, with the in-depth development of the relationship, the two people have to face the difference in expectations of the relationship. You no longer feel that you are a match made in heaven, but you will start thinking constantly:
What can I accept from him?
What can't I stand?
What can be changed and discussed?
What's the bottom line?
If we don't find a proper way to deal with our differences at this time, the relationship between your will get worse and worse until we part. But some lovers will choose to seek common ground while reserving differences, understand each other and work together with Qi Xin.
That is, I said "test" at the beginning of the article. If you want this relationship to have a happy ending, this level is the difficulty you must overcome, and you will find that when you overcome the difficulty, your feelings for each other will be more profound.
So what should we do?
The difficulty of keeping a love diary and making adjustments at any time to maintain a relationship is that you need to admit and accept the differences between the other party and you, because the shortcomings of the other party will make him no longer perfect, and you will feel depressed and become negative in the relationship.
Don't be afraid, true love comes from seeing his worst side, but still wanting to stick to it.
If you can face up to these problems and make a feasible plan, I believe you are ready to enter a more stable stage with him.
I suggest you draw a "diary" that belongs to you and update it constantly, which is specially used to record the information between you. It is mainly divided into three steps:
1) began to record each other's information through communication, inquiry, chat, etc.
For example, his favorite smell, his best friend, his biggest fear, the pressure he is facing at present and so on. Just like there is a very popular saying now: "Only when you get married will you know whether you are married to a person or a ghost!"
But if you were prepared to get to know each other from the beginning, you wouldn't be so worried.
2) People are uncertain. Remember to update your diary at any time.
Such as unemployment, changing jobs and having children, everyone's psychological state will change greatly at different stages of life.
These changes are normal, so don't always complain that the other party is different from before. Be prepared in advance, find the changes in time and make a good plan. This is the way to deal with the crisis.
3) Send a "Love Questionnaire" to judge your emotional state.
(1) the other party's love view and expectation for this relationship;
(2) mutual planning for the future and yearning for life;
(3) Being able to understand the current pressure of the other party;
4 can tell each other's preferences, specific to the event;
5 know the most special moment in each other's life;
6 know the friends that the other party often comes and goes;
⑦ Can predict the reaction and mood of the other party when encountering something;
Be able to respond when the other party needs it, such as comfort and companionship;
Pet-name ruby know their differences, but have found a solution;
Attending that the other party is the most suitable candidate at present.
It should be noted that in this questionnaire, don't be reserved, don't say half and half, and try to make the other party guess. If this communication fails to achieve results, you will have differences in the future.
When you two can openly discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both sides and the differences you will face, you can make feasible plans to help you avoid conflicts.
Avoid asking and answering questions, and actively look for feelings. Now, you can open each other's chat boxes. Is it a nutritious punch?
Every day is: get up, eat and sleep. This boring conversation is like a reporting machine without feelings.
In fact, these conversations are not because he doesn't love you, nor because he doesn't want to chat with you, but because you know each other well enough to be bored and bored.
I have a very simple way to teach you to return to the sweet state:
"The weather is really hot recently. I really want to lie in the air-conditioned room with you and eat watermelon. I can hold you ... "(state+feeling)
"How to reply so fast today? It seems that the leader didn't stare at you today, haha ~ "
"I know you miss me. How about going to the movies this weekend? " (Describe the other party's status+specific actions)
You see, in fact, you are still talking about everyday topics, but you can express your concern and consideration from these simple topics. Even if you don't talk much every day, the other party won't think you are perfunctory or suffering.
And when you encounter problems, don't just focus on your own point of view. You can treat the two of you as a whole and look at the problem from the perspective of "us".
For example, sometimes he is really busy, and you will feel, "I need you so much, but you ignore me." I am really sad. "
But if you think from the perspective of "we": "Although we are lovers, we each have our own lives. I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill when he is inevitably negligent. Since he can't accompany me now, I'll solve it myself. If it really doesn't work, I can go to him again. "
When you try to do this, you will find that your relations will not focus on personal emotions, but can reach the level of mutual understanding.
Finally, I want to share with you a poem written by Gu Cheng:
"The grass is bearing seeds, the wind is shaking the leaves, and it is beautiful when we stand without talking."
In fact, this is the best state between lovers, just like grass and wind. You don't need intimacy, but you all know each other's weight.
At this time, you don't need to hold your mobile phone for a second to chat. You can tell each other directly when you want to sleep. If you have no money, you can sprinkle a spell and let the other person naturally send a red envelope. Nobody needs to punch you in the face.
You will feel each other's preferences, their families and their future with your heart.
At this time, is the so-called freshness still important?
Remember, love is sweet, but sweetness is not all.
Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together.
Do you still have your ex's contact information in your mobile phone?
It's five points.
No, all 0 points have been deleted.
What is the reason why you broke up?
Due to objective reasons, the family disagreed with 1.
Long-distance love, no future 2 points.
TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are incompatible. Three points
There is a third party involved in our relationship.
After our quarrel, no one would bow their heads and broke up in a rage.
I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining, and was dumped by TA for 6 points.
Of the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?
If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love. He likes 2 points at most.
Although feelings are what you want, but it depends on people's efforts, the other person's love can also be controlled, as long as it can meet the other person's psychological needs, love can guide 4 points.
Twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect the idea of TA 1 minute.
The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their 6 points.
When you express one thing, you value it more.
The accuracy of verbal expression is 2 points.
Talking to the other person gives the other person a strong impression of 1.
Are the people around you comfortable with what you said? 6 points
The ultimate goal that words can achieve is 4 points.
What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?
Emotional, often unable to control his temper 0 points.
Self-control ability is strong, the surface is calm, but the inner mood fluctuates greatly, and it is difficult to calm down 2 points in case of contusion.
Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. My friend praised me for my good temper by six points.
Feelings are not slow and direct, but once they are unstable, they are easily excited and angry. Three points
Did you save your ex?
I saved it, but it was rejected. I didn't save four points.
No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, so I dare not say 2 points.
I saved it several times, but the other party was very exclusive, Lahei, and I don't want to see my zero again.
I tried to talk, but the other party thought we were not suitable. Hope to find happiness 6 points.
The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.